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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think you that are not truely independent until you can drive!

242 replies

angelicstar · 31/05/2012 13:05

Ok - I admit to being a bit of a zealot about driving as I've just passed my test in my 30's and am a total convert!!

But honestly I have never felt so free. I finally feel like I don't have to rely on anyone (usually got lifts from DH/Dad/Friends etc). I'm not at the mercy of public transport and never have to get soaking wet walking in the rain again.

I wish someone had made me do this years ago and I would really encourage anyone thinking about learning to drive to do so - it has made such a difference to me (and if I can pass anyone can!)

OP posts:

curiousgeorgie · 31/05/2012 16:33

But you have to call a taxi. Wait for a taxi. Sit in a car with a stranger. Make sure you get everything out at once and take prams etc everywhere you go.

Leaving the pram & shopping in the car while I carry a sleeping DD in and put her to bed is worth the price of petrol IMO ;)

LST · 31/05/2012 16:34

YABU

YouOldSlag · 31/05/2012 16:35

Oracle - you get a taxi home? Surely if you take taxis you could see the plus of having your own car??

This is a ridiculous statement. If you use a taxi only a few times a month, it's hardly worth getting a car is it?

Also (and how impossible are big food shops with DC and no car! Ridiculous!)-

Um-online shopping? Delivery fee as low as 3.50. Worth every penny, you stick to the list, there's no pester power and you can see how much you're spending as you go along.

Oh and a very big reason why a lot of people can't drive is the cost. It's bloody expensive to learn, pass your test, buy/borrow and insure and tax a car. You can't have a go at people who don't have as much money as you. it's not fair.

OracleInAMonarchale · 31/05/2012 16:38

no, actually, I cant see the plus. i get a taxi if I have to. I do most of my shopping online. a taxi is £6.70, parking is £4.00 for the day, plus the cost of petrol/running a car.

drivers can be so blinkered.

bigmouthstrikesagain · 31/05/2012 16:40

If you drive then you are dependant on a car -

I just bought a bike its been over a decade since I had one of my own and I do feel independant while whizzing round the countryside wind in my hair, smiling and ringing my bell merrily. That was freedom partly as I didn't have a whining child hanging of me demanding food attention or some other service from me as I cycled.

Cars are useful and everything but I certainly wouldn't predicate my true independance on being able to drive one. Demonstrates a distinct lack of imagination to do so imo.

OracleInAMonarchale · 31/05/2012 16:40

But you have to call a taxi. Wait for a taxi. Sit in a car with a stranger. Make sure you get everything out at once and take prams etc everywhere you go.

i dont have a small child, but even when I did it wasnt an issue. you have to go to your car, open the door, get in, drive yourself, get petrol, fold up the parm/pushchair, carry yourt own shopping....

bigmouthstrikesagain · 31/05/2012 16:45

I am a non-driver in a semi-rural area with young children and I am not a nuisance always cadging lifts!

People offer lifts and I generally refuse - I can walk and use buses with the kids and at weekends/ evenings we have access to a car as we own one and dh drives. I find people are a bit eager to offer lifts and as I like to be 'independent' and in control of when we leave places etc. I tend to reuse and make other arrangements (occassional taxi's, trains buses).

Emphaticmaybe · 31/05/2012 16:45

I feel a bit sorry for the OP she sounded so happy in her post and she's got a lot of stick for it.

My mother didn't learn to drive until her forties and it did transform her life: she was able to retrain in a career she loved and as she lived in a semi-rural area with 4 kids she had previously been reliant on a selfish and invariably grumpy DH to do some of the things she wanted to do. For her it was liberating.

Well done OP - just make sure you still use public transport or walk when it makes more sense.

OracleInAMonarchale · 31/05/2012 16:46

I have to say, ds loves getting buses and trains. he hates being cooped up in a car. so do I tbh.

exoticfruits · 31/05/2012 16:50

YANBU. My elderly mother has had to give up and her independence has gone. She can't manage a bus or train, but if she could she has to plan it around the timetable. She gets a taxi but she has to phone and wait.
She was much happier when she came and went in her own time.

OracleInAMonarchale · 31/05/2012 16:51

but exotic, surely in that case she wasnt independent, she was dependent on her car?

exoticfruits · 31/05/2012 16:52

My DS will be home from university soon. What he does is dependent on getting a lift from us, a friend or getting a taxi. Public transport doesn't run at the hours he wants. He is reliant on others-that is not independence.

BonnieBumble · 31/05/2012 16:53

If you live in a city a car could be more of a hindrance.

I can drive and have had my own car but I don't now. I do feel that I have lost independence and in some respects I feel like a child again. Also hate people assuming that I can't drive and suggesting I have lessons.

exoticfruits · 31/05/2012 16:54

If you want to be pedantic she was, but she had it in good running order and it rarely let her down. If she wants to go shopping now she either waits for someone to take her or gets a taxi-in the days of her car she could have been there and back in the time.
Whether she was or wasn't she certainly feels that she isn't, which is what counts, and it is the thing about old age that has upset her most.

exoticfruits · 31/05/2012 16:55

I dislike driving but there is no way I would give it up unless forced.

OracleInAMonarchale · 31/05/2012 16:56

why can he not get a taxi? I was a restaurant manager pre-ds. I worked in a small town in Shropshire where PT was limited. I managed it, was never EVER late, and afforded it easily, in comparison to many of my driving co-workers who were late and always skint. I repeat, being independent is not reliant on having a car/being able to drive, it is reliant on being resourceful enough to adapt.

exoticfruits · 31/05/2012 16:56

Even if you walk you are dependent on your legs working! I still call walking independence!

exoticfruits · 31/05/2012 16:58

I hate getting taxis-one reason being that it is assumed that you will tip. I want to pay the fare-I don't want to tip.

OracleInAMonarchale · 31/05/2012 16:58

xpost.

I dont want to drive, Im not bothered about it and consider myself independent. what does irritate me is the fact that many drivers cant see beyond their cars and are incredulous that people not only cope, but are actively happy to not drive. its like some sort of cult.

OracleInAMonarchale · 31/05/2012 16:59

I never tip.

Stangirl · 31/05/2012 17:01

Oh, I do hope YABU as I can't drive at all, am in my 40s and have no intention of learning. Am far too pissed all the time to be safe.

pigletmania · 31/05/2012 17:07

Are you stupid! It works the other way, a work collegue was totally lost when her car broke down and she did not know how to get to work, by other tansport means.

puds11 · 31/05/2012 17:14

pigletmania

stillfeel18inside · 31/05/2012 17:17

YANBU. I remember feeling exactly the same sense of freedom and adventure when I passed my test aged 24. It was just so amazing after all those years of waiting for buses etc to be able to get into a little box outside my house and get out again outside wherever I wanted to go. Trust mumsnet to turn a harmless post into some sort of green guilt-fest!

pigletmania · 31/05/2012 17:23

erm driving a car does not make you independent, actually it makes you more dependent on the car. I know people that use their car to pick their dc up from school 5 mins walk away, or make journeys that they could do by foot

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