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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you that are not truely independent until you can drive!

242 replies

angelicstar · 31/05/2012 13:05

Ok - I admit to being a bit of a zealot about driving as I've just passed my test in my 30's and am a total convert!!

But honestly I have never felt so free. I finally feel like I don't have to rely on anyone (usually got lifts from DH/Dad/Friends etc). I'm not at the mercy of public transport and never have to get soaking wet walking in the rain again.

I wish someone had made me do this years ago and I would really encourage anyone thinking about learning to drive to do so - it has made such a difference to me (and if I can pass anyone can!)

OP posts:
Original poster
angelicstar · 31/05/2012 20:14

Thank you to everyone who has said congrats and sorry I've not been back on the thread sooner.

It wasn't meant to be a dig at people who couldn't drive but more that personally I feel really free and independent since I passed my test. I somehow feel that I am finally a "grown up" (but obviously that is just my personal feeling)

It has also made life so much easier. I know that you can get taxis/public transport but they are not always reliable and getting a bus with 2 pre-school DCs is nothing short of a nightmare!

Anyway to those who are learning good luck and never stop trying. I honestly and truely never thought I would ever pass my test and if I can then you will too!

Off to have a Wine now (although obviously will not be driving afterwards!)

Good luck to those of you

OP posts:
crashdoll · 31/05/2012 21:06

You can have a small one! Wink

missmalteser · 31/05/2012 21:45

Op good on you for taking all the crap above with good grace, why some people can't take a thread in the good natured way it was intended I will never know!
I have also recently passed my test and it's such a great feeling to no longer need to worry about public transport, schedules when racing to and from everywhere with minutes to spare, and picking the dd's up and asking 'were shall we go today' without feeling restricted.
In getting a car you are swapping one kind of dependence for another, but if you can afford it and it's worth it to improve your personal circumstances then more power to ya I say

toptramp · 31/05/2012 21:59

YABU. Most people who run cars need very well paid and stressful jobs in order to do so.

Car culture and it's pollution is on eof the most annoying things about modern society. Having said that I am hoping to pass my test soon as live in sticks so mabe will have to eat words!

HybridTheory · 31/05/2012 22:39

OP YANBU at all - I could not manage my day to day work etc reliant on public transport (there is none here anyway without a 2 mile walk!) I utilise public transport when it is convenient to me which is not that often (unless Im going in to London).

People who do without driving or own car usually seem to have job/school/interests/amenities within a very close distance (I notice particularly central Londoners I know were lesslikely to dirve as had adequate other options (tube etc).

Some of our best hoidays have been road trips through California, Florida, Arizona plus I like the freedom to have a car on holiday to sightsee.

Personally I am glad I can drive.

yellowraincoat · 31/05/2012 22:40

I live in London, there's absolutely no need for me to be able to drive.

staranise · 31/05/2012 23:15

What a strange measure of independence OP

I can drive, have a car, but almost never do so as I can't stand sitting in traffic, constantly looking for parking, not being able to deal with the kids properly because I'm driving etc etc

However, i live in London where everything is walking distance and we have excellent public transport. I'm sure I would have to drive more if we lived outside a city. I would see having to use a car a sign of dependence, not independence.

exoticfruits · 31/05/2012 23:18

If you live in London you can be perfectly independent without driving, but if you live in the Brecon Beacons, 5 miles from a village and 12 miles from a town you can't.

LucieMay · 01/06/2012 00:15

hybridtheory- you're wrong in your assumption that non-car owners who manage only live close to everything. I used to commute 30 miles when DS was at nursery, every day working full time (walk to drop off at nursery, bus, then a train). I live close to a large town now but I also used to live in a rural Cumbrian village and used a combination of walking and the train.

Noqontrol · 01/06/2012 00:22

Well done for passing your test op. even though I don't agree that it makes you independent, I think I just read more into what independence actually means. But it is very very exciting when you first pass your test. If I knew how to do the bunch of flowers thing on iPhone then I'd send one. But happy, safe, and sort of independent driving to you.

Jenstar21 · 01/06/2012 01:05

I am very much of the view that you should be able to drive to be a fully rounded grown up, I'm afraid. I grew up in rural Scotland, and was counting the days until I was 17 and could learn to drive. I passed my test at 17, and although I couldn't afford a car until I was 26, I knew I could always hire/borrow one. I lived overseas from 22 till 26, and regularly hired a car when I needed one. What do you do when you live in the middle of nowhere and need to get you, and 2 horses 50 miles away on a Sunday morning?? DP and I lived in London for 2 years and didn't own a car, but hired one regularly, and would have struggled without one on occasion. I think it's an essential skill to have, if you're medically able to. One of these things which you won't neccessarily use every day (I certainly don't) but is hugely helpful in life. Just my thoughts....

LucieMay · 01/06/2012 01:12

jenstar- prey tell, what else do you class as necessary to be a "fully rounded adult"? I consider myself to be a fairly intelligent person generally but I simply am not competent at driving. I took two tests in my teens and I hated it- I lack the necessary skills. Not all of us can be good at everything in this life!

Jenstar21 · 01/06/2012 02:05

Lucie May -My criteria include being financially and intellectually independantly and being able to travel alone internationally. Being able to cook and clean and being able to deal with domestic or medical emergencies is up there too. I know too many people who go to pieces when faced with these issues.....

Jenstar21 · 01/06/2012 02:06

Oops. Independant, not independantly.

Iteotwawki · 01/06/2012 04:42

My MiL is one of the most independent people I know. She can drive (has valid licence) but chooses not to - mostly I suspect for financial reasons. She takes buses, planes, or walks.

While driving may make you feel independent (freedom to choose time of travel, companions, stops on the way, music etc) I don't think the converse is necessarily true - ie the lack of ability to drive doesn't automatically make you less independent or more dependent. So YABU.

Congrats on passing though :)

YouBrokeMySmoulder · 01/06/2012 07:17

I would rather have my own income than a driving licence but both are extremely contentious things to say. Independence means different things for different people.

MoreBeta · 01/06/2012 07:35

Have not yet read the thread but am constantly astonished how 'dependent' people are on their cars. Especially old people. When they can no longer drive they are totally isolated and dependent on others, especially if they live out of town - like my partents. Having a car is not a means of independence - but living somewhere near good public transport where you can also get your shopping delivered from multiple sources really is.

Planning to go on a day trip out by train on Monday (despite it being Jubilee) and we think nothing of going 1.5 hours by train. its no inconveneince at all but friends with cars would shudder at the thought.

OracleInAMonarchale · 01/06/2012 08:02

morebeta, we LOVE going on the train, its part of the day out. much better than in a car imo.

I agree that true independence comes from being able to cope in difficult situations. I taught my lil sis how to plumb in a washing machine, take apart the plumbing of a sink, rewire a plug and ceiling light, fit a cooker and cook a basic meal. she is reliant on noone. neither am I.

exoticfruits · 01/06/2012 08:34

It is a life skill like swimming, cooking, putting up a shelf. You can manage without but the more you have the better.
The importance of driving depends entirely on location. I love the train but I have to drive 15 miles to get to a station and the buses are few and far between and don't match up with the train timetable.

Bonsoir · 01/06/2012 08:40

I agree that driving is a life skill and, as such, nice-to-have. But you can live well and independently with a driving licence but without using a car on a daily basis. Independence is having a portfolio of skills that you can call upon according to circumstance.

curiousgeorgie · 01/06/2012 08:41

I took my DH to A&E in the night. (he's fine, just a chest infection after all that but he swore it was his heart Hmm !)

I didn't have to call an ambulance, didn't have to call a taxi, didn't have to worry that trains & buses don't run in the middle of the night. Didn't have to walk mies. Just jumped in the car.

Felt like independence.

Today I'm going to Chelsea for a Playgroup, then back to Surrey to take the dog to the groomers and then food shopping. Without my car I would be reliant on other people as I couldn't trust that public transport would get me back in time to drop him off, or that I could leave all my shopping on the bus while I run in and collect my dog.

I can go wherever I want, whenever I want, completely on my own schedule.

Train & tube stations are a nightmare with prams... But I don't need one. I just park close and carry DD. Amazing.

exoticfruits · 01/06/2012 08:43

It is more than nice to have in some places. Where I live now I can walk anywhere-where I lived before I couldn't even walk to buy a paper.

Bonsoir · 01/06/2012 08:44

See, it depends where you live. Here in Paris the underground car parks (the only ones where places are reliably available) are a complete and utter nightmare with small DCs and prams. The buses, however, are incredibly user-friendly for small DCs and prams.

exoticfruits · 01/06/2012 08:52

If I lived in Paris I definitely wouldn't drive!

pigletmania · 01/06/2012 08:54

how strange Jenstar on YOUR classifications of being a fullly rounded adult. So because i have not passed my driving test, I am childlike how insulting are you> What about those who have disabiliies who are not able to drive, are they not a proper adult in your eyes Hmm.So until i pass my test and be a slave to the car i will carry on being in a childlike state, nevermind that i have a couple of good degrees, own my own house etc etc