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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think you that are not truely independent until you can drive!

242 replies

angelicstar · 31/05/2012 13:05

Ok - I admit to being a bit of a zealot about driving as I've just passed my test in my 30's and am a total convert!!

But honestly I have never felt so free. I finally feel like I don't have to rely on anyone (usually got lifts from DH/Dad/Friends etc). I'm not at the mercy of public transport and never have to get soaking wet walking in the rain again.

I wish someone had made me do this years ago and I would really encourage anyone thinking about learning to drive to do so - it has made such a difference to me (and if I can pass anyone can!)

OP posts:

LucieMay · 31/05/2012 13:31

Uh, I can't drive... but who exactly have I not won my independence from yet? I live alone with my DS... I failed my test twice in my teens and learning to drive just never cropped up again. Now, it would cost way too much to run a car and I'd rather spend that money elsewhere. We live in a suburb close to town with good transport links. Sure, my family will help us out sometimes but even if I had a car I wouldn't use it to drop DS at school and I wouldn't use it to commute to work so it would just be sat there five days a week. You never miss what you've never had.

coppertop · 31/05/2012 13:33

If you always had to have lifts before then surely you've just gone from being dependent on other people's cars to being dependent on your own car?

squeakytoy · 31/05/2012 13:35

There's a mother at school, a Pakistani woman, who passed her test at what, 40? And since then she drives to and from school every day, and it's only half-a-mile or so.

And the relevance of her nationality and age is????

Tanith · 31/05/2012 13:35

Surely your statement makes you dependent on your car, therefore not truly independent?

jubilucket · 31/05/2012 13:37

Sorry to bring you crashing back to earth OP but you certainly will get soaked wet walking in the rain again, unless you have some sort of magic car that can teleport you from the car park to the inside of the shop/school/museum/whatever place you're visiting.

Poulay · 31/05/2012 13:37

Er, because it's different passing your test at 40 than 17? And the OP mentioned her age.

And Pakistani women have generally less freedom than white British women. Lots are not even allowed out. In some Muslim countries women would be imprisoned for driving.

blueglue · 31/05/2012 13:38

Blu - I take issue with your statement of "can't manage on public transport".

It's usually not the person who can't manage, it's the public transport itself that can't manage because it is late, dirty, unreliable, inconvenient, sometimes extortionately expensive and a whole host of other complaints.

Northernlurker · 31/05/2012 13:39

OP - like you I passed last year and am in my mid thirties. I think it is BRILLIANT and yes would urge anybody to do it. I have discovered though that on mumsnet people who can't or don't drive DO NOT like being urged to do so. So we'll just have to keep our encouragement to ourselves

LucieMay · 31/05/2012 13:39

Also, we went on holiday to Cornwall (I live in Lancashire) and it took us approx seven hours on a train- it was far more pleasant than the eight/nine hours I remember as a child being cooped up in a car with no toilets. On the train, DS (who was five at the time) could stretch his legs and have a potter if he got bored, there were toilets near by, buffet carriages and far more room than in a car. I couldn't have been stuck with him for that long in a car.

lockets · 31/05/2012 13:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

squeakytoy · 31/05/2012 13:43

And Pakistani women have generally less freedom than white British women. Lots are not even allowed out. In some Muslim countries women would be imprisoned for driving.

This is the UK, where it is not unusual to see pakistani women driving at all.

Unlurked · 31/05/2012 13:49

I can drive but choose not to own a car. We could easily afford to buy and run one but have decided not to. I like walking. The dc like taking the train or bus for further away journeys. Today we went for an hour long walk in tge rain and found a frog, the dc haven't stopped talking about it since. It has made their day! So I'm glad we weren't in a car because we would have missed it.

Tbh I would like to see fewer cars on the road, not more.

valiumredhead · 31/05/2012 13:49

I passed in my late 30's. It's useful but that's it. People that bang on about driving are as interesting as people who have given up smoking imo

misslinnet · 31/05/2012 13:50

A lot depends on where you live though.

If you live in an area with poor public transport and few facilities within walking distance, then yes, being able to drive and having a car can make you much more independant.

If you live and work in a city with good public transport, then being able to drive is much less important.

sugarice · 31/05/2012 13:57

I'm 44 and don't drive. It is a pain if I have to get one of the ds's to docs, dentists etc but that's it. I'm also a lot fitter due to walking everywhere, if I drove I'd have an arse the size of a house

Poulay · 31/05/2012 13:58

This is the UK, where it is not unusual to see pakistani women driving at all.

While it is not unusual, it is still the case that Pakistani women in very many cases have a different gender role from white women. I would be surprised to hear a white family saying 'My daughter shouldn't learn to drive', but it wouldn't surprise me from a Pakistani family.

Either way I don't want to speculate further, but I think it's a perfectly relevant piece of biographical detail to pass.

MissFaversham · 31/05/2012 14:01

I passed my test at the age of 25, hated the idea at first and was sooo scared. Passed 2nd time and I for one would never be without my car. It opened up a whole new world for me.

I am also making sure that my DS passes his test asap (no car though until he can afford one himself). It opens the doors to soooo many jobs etc.

No Ner!

MissFaversham · 31/05/2012 14:02

Oh and I also wouldn't be with a person that didn't also drive.

I must also be a zealot then and guess what, I don't ruddy care.

yakbutter · 31/05/2012 14:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Schnarkle · 31/05/2012 14:10

Oh I think you can be independant if you don't drive.

It's the people who refuse to get off their arses to use public transport or to make their own way somewhere that get on my nerves.

Like you owe them something because you do drive and sure why would you mind if you've to go 20 miles out of your way to drive them somewhere.

Pain in the arse.

lockets · 31/05/2012 14:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Noqontrol · 31/05/2012 14:14

I think you can still be independent without a car. Before I got a car I still managed to get around using my legs, cycling, running, using buses and trains. And actually I was a lot fitter ( and thinner) before I got the car. So I disagree with you.

knowitallstrikesagain · 31/05/2012 14:17

MissFaversham I think that is one of the silliest criteria for a DP I have ever heard! Good thing the potential love of your life didn't come along before you were 25 and had passed your test and discount you on this basis!

What happens when you are both made redundant and cannot afford to run a car? Do you leave DP because he is no longer of any use to you? Bonkers!

bronze · 31/05/2012 14:20

So op I guess you manufactured our car, grow your own fuel and tapped those rubber trees yourself?
No?
Ah well I didn't do any of those things either but being not very independent I walked instead

KellyElly · 31/05/2012 14:21

I live in London and rather than sit for 5 hours in traffic I take public transport which give me much more freedom to get around. I also couldn't afford a car so it would take away my financial freedom, so in my paticular case YABU :)

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