Co-sleeping what the big deal?

[teaaddict2012]

excluding you're not drunk of course,

I am actually quite interested I hear snippets of that is quite controversial

was watching breakfast the other day about controlled crying and how one mother did controlled crying from birth nad her kids were never allowed in her bed I was quite [:o]

Why do a lot of people disagree with co-sleeping ?

My co-sleeping is becoming an issue now as my toddler is 2 but the size of a 4 year old. but other than that I'm actually relieved I didn't pace the floors.

AIBU to wonder why co-sleeping is a controversial issue.

The problem is that there is no separate estimated risk factor for co-sleeping where no other risk factors are involved. All other studies distort the risk factor because they include cases where alcohol, drugs, smoking, sleeping on sofa were involved.

However, IIRC Japan has high levels of co-sleeping and one of the lowest rates of SIDS. If co-sleeping was in itself inherently dangerous, surely we'd expect countries with high rates of co-sleeping to have high rates of SIDS.

I think that some co-sleepers 'write off' the stats about babies who die when co-sleeping as "well, they mustn't have been doing it safely"

Either that or it isn't actually safe.

Well yes, but you could say this about anything. Babies die in cots yet we don't think of cots as unsafe. SIDS is an awful, unexplained tragedy and would be horrific wherever it happened - it can happen in cots, car seats, prams, beds, baby bouncers, sofas or on a blanket on the floor. It doesn't mean any of those places are unsafe for a baby to be.

I think you have to weigh up the risks as you see and understand them. I would absolutely co sleep with any future babies because it feels utterly natural to me. If I was to (God forbid) suffer a cot death then I would hope that I would take some small comfort in knowing my child was close to me, right where he/she wanted to be up until the end. I do not think I would feel guilty about exposing him/her to any extra risk because according to my own research, there is none, and I always felt very aware of DS when we were co-sleeping, particularly when he was newborn. (I used to know instinctively when he was ill and wake up just before he was sick, which was odd, but useful.) Of course, none of us knows how we would truly feel in that awful situation so we can only speculate.

One of ours did, one didn't. Both worked out well for each kid. They are 11 and 16 now and sleep in their own beds (most of the time.. Ds#2 sleeps in my place if I'm away).

We often cosleep when we are on holiday because if ds' sleep together there is often arguing.

Oh and I truly believe that my youngest might have died if he had slept in a cot. He was a little bit premmie and sometimes in the early days I would wake up in a panic not knowing why and he would sigh this really long sighing breath. I didn't think about it at the time but looking back I think he forgot to breathe sometimes. Apparently the mother's breathing can help regulate a baby's breathing. It used to fascinate me that when he was asleep his breathing matched mine.

Hopandskip so if your baby had been in a cot next to your bed how would that have changed things...?

Because you feel more in tune with your child when they're right next to you. Apologies if that sounds "woo", just from my own experience, I used to put DS in grobags if he was in the bedside cot because otherwise he'd wake up cold. In the bed, I'd adjust his blankets while half asleep throughout the night and he never woke up because he was too hot or cold.

Yes but Hopandskip is claiming her son might have died had he slept in a cot (IMO an irresponsible thing to say but that's another matter)

It's common knowledge that sleeping in the same room helps regulate breathing but I don't understand why this would have been different sleeping in cot next to you in bed than sleeping next to you in the bed itself. Or does she automatically think cot = a separate room?

Genuine question - personally I'm not pro or anti either method (yet).

I co-slept with all three of mine.
They are all great self-soothers and all of them sleep through the night just fine (7,4,2 years old) although my two year old, who is now is in own bed, does wake up periodically.

I don't think they're that different to most other children, co-slept or not.

Each to their own, I loved loved loved co-sleeping and wouldn't have done it any other way. My little one still sleeps with me sometimes and we both love it and my DH loves it too; he get the bedroom at the other end of the landing away from the three kids so is ensured an uninterrupted sleep

Never ceases to amaze me why people are so interested in what other people do. I couldn't give two hoots how people rear their children

I had that experience too BerieBotts. When DS1 had a tummy bug at around 10 months, I woke up knowing something was wrong and he promptly vomited all over me! Same thing happened with DS2 when he was ill. Not very nice (I recall it was in my hair and down my cleavage!), but it was strange I woke up just before they were sick. I guess they could have been moving about or making unusual noises I suppose (neither were crying).

Ours used to come in our bed at weekends in the morning for a while. I don't agree with co-sleeping. It causes too many problems. And jealousy amongst siblings. I know super nanny isn't that popular here but you only have to watch that to see what chaos it can cause. But on the other hand if people are perfectly happy with it and it works for them. Then who am I to argue.

we have always co-slept, because it worked and was easier, i am lazy as well

we have a futon so no worried re baby rolling out of the bed and have a toddler bed next to our bed, it is the same height so as they get older they can go in that but crawl back in with us when they need to.

it made bfeeding at night much easier, we got rid of the cot totally when ds2 was a baby, my parents had bought it for us and my mum made a big song and dance about how we had to get them to sleep in it and if we co-slept it would be the end of our relationship etc etc. lots of people are shocked by co-sleeping, lots arent, my mum was convinced we couldnt have sex if we co-slept but i think 5 kids in 11 yrs showed her that wasnt the case

we do it because it works for us, i do think it would be good if there were more widely available info on safe co-sleeping. some midwives were very good about it, others not, ditto hv's etc. i think on the whole our family ie mine nad dp's think we are mad and some were slightly offended whenever we visit and they offer the travel cot and we say no thanks baby will sleep in with us, and mutter about it being a waste of money, but we never asked them to buy it and made it quite clear that we co-slept from the get go, so i dont know why they bought it in the first place!

Why on earth would you think it causes too many problems? And jealousy amongst siblings.

If you have no personal experience with this, why on earth make such a silly statement.

well i have 5 and it causes no jealousy or issues with the siblings, the older ones know it was what they did when small and can remember, plus htey were always welcome in with us as well, esp if poorly or upset etc.

i tihnk there is a common misperception that if you co-sleep you have no boundaries or bedtime routine etc, which couldnt be farther from the truth in our case, we still had a bedtime routine and little ones in bed by 7:30 etc just our bed and not a cot :) and they have all learnt to self sooth and moved happily into their own bed and their own rooms at their pace, its worked for us, but that doesnt mean it would work for everybody and i woulndt try and say that is the case at all!

So what are these problems that co-sleeping causes? The only one I can think of is that it's too nice and snuggly in bed with a baby so I don't want to get up. Mind you, I have that problem without a baby!

As for sibling jealousy, I have 5 too and it's never been a problem, I don't think they even noticed, it's just something that's normal in our family.

I always think it's called COT death for a reason, because that's where the majority of cases happen. No one says babies should never go in a cot though.

I used to wake up in a panic with ds next to me and a couple of time he wouldn't be breathing so I'd gently prod him and say breath snd he would. When he was in his cot/Moses basket and I was in the room too he felt so far far away. Even when I could stretch out and touch him. He had to be right next to me. Same with dd.
It felt odd to put them in a cot as newborns.

As they got older I found it easier sleeping further away from them as they seemed more robust (neither were prem or low weight though).

Jealousy between siblings? If this isnt based on your personal experience wgat is it based on? Supernanny? The families on Supernanny have far greater problems than co-sleeping, that's for sure.

We are (for the most part) not talking about sharing a bed with a 5/6/7 year old. Most children will outgrow the want/need to co-sleep at some point during toddlerhood. DS1 decided at around 18 months that while he definitely did not want to sleep through the night he did not want to sleep in mummy & daddy's bed either. DS2 starts off in his cot then moves into our bed. He still has a bedtime routine etc.

I don't disagree with co-sleeping and have done this, but now it tends to be when my DD was young or ill.

I now don't encouraged it, and it's the exception rather than the rule because I did find that I got no sleep, my DD wouldn't get a decent nights sleep either, she'd never settle without me in her own bed after a while and night times were the only real time I got with my DH so it was nice to keep our bed my 'grown up place' :)

for me it was just instinctive to have my babies close to me and tbh cots are a fairly recent invention in parenting. if a cot works for you and your baby thats fine, i just find co-sleeping works for me and mine.

My DD was nearly four when DS was born. And she was quite jealous of him. And even though she didn't bother much coming into our bed after he came she wanted in our bed if he was it in in the mornings. Which was fine. But then she'd start being a nuisance after about five or ten minutes. And then DH got ratty because he was working and getting no sleep.

Don't get me wrong he did get up a lot in the night when they cried even if he had to get up early next day. So certainly not blaming him. I imagine I will get loads of criticism for not handling this correctly but that was my personal experience.

Lots of kids get into the bed in the mornings MarySA, cot-sleepers and former co-sleepers.

It's what little ones do.

Doesn't sound unusual at all, and certainly nothing to do with co-sleeping

I don't get it. Babies are designed for co-sleeping.
Sure, if they sleep happily in a cot, fine. But being up all night trying to get them to settle on their own? When all they really need is to be close to you, because it's a basic instinct?

I don't mind the idea of it; actually the idea of lovely snuggly dozing with DS sounds brilliant. The reality for me was, however, a bit crap. He's a wiggly sleeper, and I just kept getting smacked in the face. I also can't sleep without loads of pillows and a big duvet up to my chin, so I just didn't get much sleep a all. We're also both noisy sleepers so woke each other up when he was in the moses basket next to our bed. I also could never BF laying down, so had to sit up and get propped up on pilows etc to feed him, and it really hurt my back. I moved him into a cot in his own room at 8 weeks. Saying that, our headboard is on the other side of the wall to his cot, his room is about 2 steps away from ours (dorr to door) and I can hear if he wakes up, trashes around a lot or coughs etc, and we have an under mattress sensor monitor thingy.

Because you feel more in tune with your child when they're right next to you. Apologies if that sounds "woo", just from my own experience,

It isn't woo, the research does point to that, just to pick one example - a co-sleeping mother will respond to her baby in seconds when baby starts making signs of wanting a feed. When the baby is in a crib next to the bed, the response time is a couple of minutes. Dr Helen Ball has done loads of research on this.

Can I ask, people who co-slept for prolonged periods (i.e. years at a time) did you not ever have a glass of wine in that time? This is just an ask btw, cos if you didn't, you all get medals purely for that

ps that might be my misunderstanding, but my take on the advice was that you shouldn't co-sleep if you've been drinking at all, but maybe that's wrong or only up to a certain age.

yes i did drink occasionally, me eldest is almost 13, the youngest 17mths and still in our bed, not the eldest obviously! and yes i drank/drink occasionally, not wine tho i am more of a spirits girl i just never got bladdered or if i did drink a lot dp would co-sleep and i would sleep downstairs or vice versa and once they are bigger ie coming up to a year and more able to move, not get squashed etc i dont think its as much of an issue you just have to be sensible.

we have been co-sleeping continuously with one child or another for almost 13yrs it will be very odd when dd no longer sleeps with us!