Co-sleeping what the big deal?

[teaaddict2012]

excluding you're not drunk of course,

I am actually quite interested I hear snippets of that is quite controversial

was watching breakfast the other day about controlled crying and how one mother did controlled crying from birth nad her kids were never allowed in her bed I was quite [:o]

Why do a lot of people disagree with co-sleeping ?

My co-sleeping is becoming an issue now as my toddler is 2 but the size of a 4 year old. but other than that I'm actually relieved I didn't pace the floors.

AIBU to wonder why co-sleeping is a controversial issue.

It's whatever feels most comfortable for you.

It is controversial because it is risky. Given perfect circumstances, it is possible to mitigate that risk. However, what if you or your baby are ill and running a temperature? Do you then move them into their own cot?

I really couldn't care less is someone co-sleeps or not.

Do whatever you need to do to get some sleep

That's as maybe, but it is important to know the risks. Hundreds of parents a year lose their babies to Cot Death then say that they were unaware of the risks of co-sleeping.

I agree TheQueenOfSheba it's important to know the risks, and guidance on how to make co-sleeping safer.

But there's something more than that going on here.

It's also a SIDs risk to have your baby in a different room. IIRC, the guidance is to keep them in the same room as you until they're 6 months old. This means not just so you can hear them (e.g. just next door / with baby monitor) but actually in the same room - so they can hear you (IIRC it helps them regulate their breathing when they're in close proximity to you.)

Even though it is a SIDs risk to put them in their own room when they're little, it's so ingrained in our culture that babies should be in their own room (so parents can have time together, or for whatever reason) that people don't bat an eyelid when mums talk about how their baby is in their own room, or ask them "aren't you afraid about the SIDS risk?".

There's a lot of cultural baggage here, it's not just about risk.

Also your post is rather disingenuous.

It implies that 100s of DCs dies every year from co-sleeping. I very much doubt this! And I wonder if that's actually what you meant to say?

Would you mind letting us know what you really meant, or back it up with some stats?

TheQueenOfSheba - as the current statistic stands, most babies who die from SIDs were in a cot or moses basket. In the case of a very good friend of mine, her 5 month old was in a very well managed hospital cot surrounded by staff. While there are many things that can prevent SIDs death, and most of them are drummed into most women, in most SIDs deaths these days in the UK, the parents are blameless and are dealing with a tragedy. People picking at everyone one did or did not due to prevent a death was a very difficult part of it for my friend.

Around 300 babies a year die in the UK from Cot Death. The FSID (who have been researching Cot Death for years) are very clear that co-sleeping with a baby under 4 months is dangerous.

Nearly two thirds of Cot Death victims in a GOSH study were co-sleeping.

Not everyone who doesn't co-sleep puts there baby in their own room before 6mo

I think that some co-sleepers 'write off' the stats about babies who die when co-sleeping as "well, they mustn't have been doing it safely"

Either that or it isn't actually safe.

threelittlefeet - there is a lot of cultural baggage. While the information on risks is good, it leaves a lot out as well - while most of the 300 babies a year in the UK do die while asleep (most of them in a cot/moses basket/other separate sleeping place), many die. Some have died in pushchairs, in carriers, in their parents arms in the middle of feeding. I find this latter information is often left out of the discussion on SIDs, it's become another condition based on lifestyle/ignorance particularly to the media and the serious stories and reality behind it has gotten very much lost.

I don't think it's as clear cut as co-sleep or not.

My DS is 6 months old and from my friends with children a similar age sometimes they sleep in their cots, sometimes in their parents beds. Whatever they need and whatever gets you through the night!

Do people really ask about sleeping arrangements, and why is there any need to talk about it? Its only on Mumsnet that I have ever given my point of view - no one has ever asked me or even cared about it in RL.

That should many die while not asleep.

And the Foundation for the Study of Infant Deaths statistics disagree with yours, TheQueen. While they do state that putting a baby into a cot in your room for the first 6 months is the safest, they do give a lot of advice on how to bed share safely and say that it is safe as long as guidelines are followed. Some will die in either situation whether the guidelines are followed or not sadly.

Regardless, making SIDs deaths a cot vs bed sharing issue is blaming the parents going through a tragedy and completely ignored many variables and situations that should be looked into more carefully that don't involve where the baby sleeps at all.

Co sleeping wrt to SIDS is defined as a wide range and includes falling asleep on a sofa with baby. That is a world away from having baby and mum in bed who doesn't smoke, drink or take drugs and takes necessary precautions.

I read a lot into SIDS before taking the decision to co sleep. Dd has reflux like her brother. One morning he nearly choked on his vomit sleeping alone on his back. So dd slept on her side with me. I read that front sleeping is a big risk, more so than side sleeping. I knew she'd sleep better on her front but didn't put her down that way until she rolled by herself.

If dd was an easy sleeper, she'd have been in her cot from the start. She wasn't so cosleeping saved my sanity. I'd have put her and her brother in danger if I'd tried to get her sleeping in a cot as I'd have been exhausted for driving.

I agree with the person who said that noone bats an eyelid about putting babies alone in a room yet there's at co sleeping. Someone who does it properly is not putting their baby at the same level of risk as someone who sleeps on a sofa.

I can't find any information which demonstrates that actively sleeping with baby in a firm bed with no pillows or covers near baby, no smoking or drinking or drugs etc is a SIDS factor.

Cot death includes overlying and smothering though, whereas SIDS actively excludes those factors. If you are cosleeping safely there should be no risk of either, but if your awareness is reduced because you've been drinking, taking medication, are ill, are not BFing or if you are on a soft mattress or sofa, or have lots of covers or pillows around then it isn't safe.

Although it's inpossible to get accurate data, true SIDS while cosleeping (excluding the drink, drugs, siblings, smothering cases) is rarer than true SIDS in a separate bed.

There was also a study which suggested hearing an adult was not enough but that sometimes babies needed to have lower CO2 levels around them to trigger the breathing reflex, an atmosphere naturally created by an adult's exhalation.

We co-slept with DS1 and currently still doing it with DS2.

I always get horrified looks from people when they find out we co-sleep. PIL said we would 'never get him (DS1) out of our bed' when we told them. He moved very happily into his own bed/room when he was reading at about 3.

It works for us. It facilitates bf, means more sleep for us and I enjoy the closeness. IME (very limited of course to DS1 so far!) I have found they move when they are ready.

should read 'when he was ready' not reading, although that would have been nice too!

I co sleep with ds2, but ds1 was happy in a cot. Different things work for different people.

HOWEVER it would be useful if guidelines for safe co sleeping were more widely publicised rather than the standard NHS 'if you take a baby into bed with you, he wil die' guidelines. Co-sleeping has made bfing a million times easier and I get more sleep, but it's not for everyone. An INFORMED choice would be nice!

My DC's did not sleep in our bed for lots of reasons, my DH is a very heavy sleeper and has been known to push me out of bed in his sleep, my DD hated sleeping near anyone even as a new born. She never slept in my arms properly but was happy to sleep in her cot.
What I do object to is being told, as I have been on more than one occasion, that my children would not have a close relationship with me and would be emotionally damaged by not sharing a bed with me!!!
I do not care in the slightest what other people do but leave me to do what I want without criticising

Yes, it is counter-productive to use SIDS guidelines when discussing the safety of co-sleeping as smothering is excluded. Surely the figures for babies who die of smothering are higher for co-sleeping babies than those who sleep in their own bed?

My boy slept in my bed till he was seven months old, and then he went in his own cot with no fuss at all. As far as our situation was concerned, it meant we all got some much needed sleep, my husband didn't even wake for night feeds as there was no crying, and it was a snuggly lovely experience.

We used a co sleeping cot, like a side car, on the side of our bed, which he slept in till he needed me, and then he would come into bed with me, safely between me and the cot. For me this seemed safer than between mummy and daddy, or the edge of the bed.

He still sleeps with us, or just me, when he is poorly. We all had an afternoon nap together the other day, even though he's two and a half.

I too think the guidelines should be more widely published. My Heath visitor said she would just pretend I had not told her the baby was in our bed.

Every man and his dog told me I would never get him in his own bed. This was not the case at all and he is a brilliant sleeper.

Agree with others WRT statistics. How many of those two thirds of SIDS blamed on co-sleeping were babies asleep on sofas/in chairs/with a parent under the influence of drugs or alcohol/in bed with a smoker/in a room that was too hot etc? They cannot say "co-sleeping definitely killed that baby" because the mitigating circumstances in every case are different.

There is actually evidence to suggest that when practiced safely & correctly co-sleeping can prevent SIDS because the carbon dioxide exhaled by the parent stimulates the baby's lungs and regulates their breathing.

Some babies just don't sleep regardless of what you do. Some babies sleep better on their tummy or their side, some will not BF no matter how hard a mother tries, some will struggle on breastmilk but thrive on formula. Some babies will do well weaned at 16 weeks. The research tells us that these things are all "bad" for our babies. At the end of the day YOU make the decision that is best for YOUR child and YOUR family. Everyone else's opinion counts for squat and those that have an issue with it are either not parents or are so insecure in their own parenting decisions that they has to take issue with other peoples.

Not really counterproductive gnocchi because there's this 'you can't you'll kill the baby' attitude leading from misinterpretation when most instances of babies dying when cosleeping are doing it when it's unsafe. It's like saying 'unrestrained children are likely to die in car crashes, let's ban cars'.

Yes, there at horrific cases where parents fall asleep with the baby on the sofa etc but sometimes when you look at why they were on the sofa with the baby it's because they couldn't get the baby to sleep and were too scared to take them into bed :( or they've taken the baby into bed and not removed the pillows because they didn't know that you should.

The blanket ban means there's no information and guidance on how to cosleeping safely, which can be very beneficial, and that's why cosleeping is seen as a big deal. When I went shopping for our sidecar cot several shops had no clue what I was on about. Some parents are going to cosleep anyway. There are risks but it's important to know what they are and how to mitigate them.

Unfortunately all the benefits of cosleeping (particularly in terms of true SIDS) get buried.