Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Co-sleeping what the big deal?

206 replies

teaaddict2012 · 28/05/2012 09:33

excluding you're not drunk of course,

I am actually quite interested I hear snippets of that is quite controversial

was watching breakfast the other day about controlled crying and how one mother did controlled crying from birth nad her kids were never allowed in her bed I was quite [:o]

Why do a lot of people disagree with co-sleeping ?

My co-sleeping is becoming an issue now as my toddler is 2 but the size of a 4 year old. but other than that I'm actually relieved I didn't pace the floors.

AIBU to wonder why co-sleeping is a controversial issue.

OP posts:
lalaland3008 · 28/05/2012 10:52

Iv've debated both and have come to the conclusion that who cares as long as child has got a warm and comfortable bed to sleep in. People get too up their own arses about this sort of thing and make too many misinformed assumptions.

Ds slept in a basket then cot by my bed for the first year. I never 'paced the floors', and I never left him to cry it out. Yet he has always managed to sleep quite happily and even fall asleep by himself. Funnily enough he's now 4 and goes off to bed in his own big bed then some of the time get into my bed somewhere in the middle of the night and I don't even know he's there. I care not he obviously likes mums bed and I seriously doubt he will be there when he's 20.

StrawberryMojito · 28/05/2012 10:52

We co-sleep as DS has screamed his heart out from day 1 when put in his own Moses basket/cot and he's a frequent waker. I hate it, he takes up a surprising amount of room (he's nearly 8 months), my sleep is terrible even when he is asleep and of course it has a negative impact on our sex life. I can't wait to get him into his own bed but I think it's going to involve cc which I am dreading.

I think a few of the posts from people who have never had to do it because they have had a baby that settled in their cot easily/slept well are a little smug. For most people who do it, I would say it's not a hippy parenting choice but a situation borne out of necessity.

SetFiretotheRain · 28/05/2012 10:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

catfart · 28/05/2012 10:53

My 19 month is still in with me, we love it, he is finally sleeping like a log, one waking a night for a BF, before long we'll make the transition to his own room when he's sleeping through. I agree with threeleftfeet...

ScrambledSmegs · 28/05/2012 10:57

I still remember being in hospital two days after DD was born, with a baby who wouldn't sleep (no milk yet) and who wouldn't stop crying. Sometime in the wee hours a mw came into my room and unceremoniously plonked DD in bed with me, arranged some pillows around us and said 'baby needs mummy' Grin. I'd been keeping her in the bassinet as I thought I'd get yelled at!

I think the NHS is changing now, I got some leaflets about co-sleeping at my last midwife appointment.

DD actually preferred her cot at home, but I've never felt that co-sleeping is judged badly thanks to that midwife, bless her.

shuffleballchange · 28/05/2012 10:58

I co-slept with both of mine when they were tiny, but both were in cot by about 6 months, it just sort of happened that way. Ds1 often still comes through if he needs a cuddle in the night, Ds 2 on the other hand is too much of a little monkey and thinks its all a big game if he comes into our he's now. My point is, everyone is different, there are no rights and wrongs regarding this, you must do what's best for you and dcs

shuffleballchange · 28/05/2012 10:59

*bed not he's. Stupid predictive text.....

lou2321 · 28/05/2012 11:00

beingfluffy DUMPING them in a cot - really? Erm I thought cots were for babies to sleep in.

I have no issues with co-sleeping, its got to be whatever works for you. I would never describe it as 'just shoving them in bed with me as I can't be arsed to get out of my bed to see to them' or something though!!!

If it works for you then great, it didn't for me as DS1 was too restless so no one slept also I was very paranoid about the whole thing.

My DN has only just started to sleep through the night in her own bed at nearly 8 as she had always been allowed to sleep in with her mum and it was a real battle to break that habit but thats not to say it was the wrong thing to do as it worked for them at the time.

weatherrain · 28/05/2012 11:00

threeleftfeet Yes it is. I think the figures are something like 3 in 4 babies are still being breastfed at 18 months.

threeleftfeet · 28/05/2012 11:04

"I would hate to think of my DC's going to sleep afraid because they're not in my arms"

That never happened! DS co-slept with us until we felt he was ready for his own bed. (He was 2y8m).

He was absolutely delighted to be put to bed in his shiny new fire engine bed (realise I am contradicting previous anti-consumerism post, but hey, it worked!).

We've not made our bed out of bounds to him - he occasionally does sleep in our bed still if he's not well, or is especially grumpy.

And he still comes into bed with us most mornings - he usually arrives about 5-6am, sometimes with loads of cuddly toys in tow (very cute!) and then goes back to sleep for a couple of hours.

Booette · 28/05/2012 11:04

I've done some amount of co-sleeping with all mine, more with my youngest 3. I did it because it was easier to breastfeed in my bed rather than get up to them and then snuggle back down to sleep. Usually they'd start the night in a cot (next to the bed) and end up in bed.

They all sleep in their own rooms without any problems, although DS5 still has to come in bed with us when he wakes up in the morning (usually 6ish, but sometimes he sneaks in even earlier!)

I don't care what other people do, I did what was right for my family. And I don't even remember ever talking about it with MW's/HV's.

LST · 28/05/2012 11:06

My DS was never 'afraid' either.. And he has always slept in a cot..

threeleftfeet · 28/05/2012 11:07

weatherrain thanks for the reply. Those are great figures :)

I'm convinced that if we supported breastfeeding more here, then co-sleeping woud be seen as normal too - as co-sleeping makes BFing at night so much easier of course.

I don't know why our culture in the UK is so anti-mother & baby.
It makes me Sad

sweetkitty · 28/05/2012 11:07

I've coslept with all 4 up to about 13-15 months when they might weaned.

I love cosleeping and miss them in our bed but they got too

HipHopOpotomus · 28/05/2012 11:09

It's starting to be controversial in our house as DD2 is bouncing on my head at 5am at the moment.

I love it, would recommend it and will be sad when we no longer do it (though I might sleep better).

sweetkitty · 28/05/2012 11:10

Oops pressed send too fast

They got too wriggly or I was pregnant with the next Grin

We had a bedside cot and they slept in that or in our bed.

The number of people that told me about making a rod for my own back/ will still be sleeping with us at 8/ am I not scared I smother them to death etc etc

A friend of mine used to put her newborn in his pram, stuck him in the utility room, shut the door and go to sleep with her iPod on. Sad

BellaOfTheBalls · 28/05/2012 11:10

I have co-slept with both children but far more so with DS2 who has co-slept all or part of the night every night since he was born. It is no issue for me, but I have got a lot of "I could never do that" "making a rod for your own back" "isn't that a bit irresponsible" comments. I don't do it willingly; more out of necessity. I can spend hours trying to get DS2 to sleep in his cot only to have him wake 40 minutes later or I can put him in bed with us and he will sleep for 5-6 hours. I have an older DC to consider, a tired BellaOfTheBalls is a grumpy, impatient BellaOfTheBalls. I co-sleep safely and I BF; hormones released in the mother stop her moving in her sleep so less chance of rolling onto baby. There is also evidence coming through that suggests cot death is more prevalent in FF babies.

They have changed the advice given by professionals in the 3 years between my DC's. They used to say that it was not recommended but if you did do it this is what you must remember/do. Now they just say a flat out no & I think this frightens people. They say it increases the risk of cot death but If you look at the research in countries where co-sleeping is the norm their SIDS rates are lower. Basically I think they are trying to ensure HCP's cannot be held responsible if something awful happened because people did not follow instructions properly.

Frakiosaurus · 28/05/2012 11:14

We bed share and have done since birth. Even in hospital. I told the midwives that I'd read about it, planned for it and that the UNICEF baby friendly initiative which they were so proud of working towards said it was ok.

There's also research to show planned, safe cosleeping is protective against cot death. But the risk is accidental, unsafe cosleeping. I think it was an American study looking at SIDS which discovered all instances of cot death in that data set which were cosleeping related involved drink, drugs, sofas or siblings.

It felt natural to me. Babies aren't really designed to be left alone, although I'm sure if they were wriggly cave women put them to sleep a little distance away too.

Meglet · 28/05/2012 11:17

I don't disagree with it. It's lovely if it works Smile.

I just couldn't relax with my baby right next to me, was scared I would squash them and their wriggling and snuffling would keep me awake. And having the room so cold (18 degrees is cold for me) meant I was frozen all the time the moses basket was in my room. They were both in their own room by 8 weeks, although it was onlya few feet away as the house is tiny.

thefurryone · 28/05/2012 11:36

The only thing that annoys me about co-sleeping is the annoying people who seem to think that they are perfect parents with fabulous sleepers because they co-sleep, and then blame all sleeping issues on cots.

So I'm really glad to see that there are some co-sleeping pacers on this thread Grin

takingiteasy · 28/05/2012 11:44

I was discharged from hospital 5 weeks ago with my new baby and was given a leaflet on how to co sleep safely. Its not somethin I'm setting out to do but sometimes ds wakes for a feed at 6am. I just whip my boob out and bring him in with me. We then doze off for another hour or so until its time to get up with ds1 for school. 6am is still night time in my house!

ArcticRain · 28/05/2012 11:48

I've tried no co sleeping , and co sleeping . Neither work with DD . Wondering what the other options are !

takingiteasy · 28/05/2012 11:50

How does no sleeping sound?

DerbysKangaskhan · 28/05/2012 11:59

I don't really talk about our sleeping arrangements or hear anyone going on about theirs -- it seems to me like a non-issue as people will do what they need to to get some sleep.

The only person who gave me any grief was my own mother, whose only problem was my DH might not have room in the bed with the baby there Hmm, but she had her own issues and slept with my sister in her bed for years - but only when my father was out of town/after they divorced. The HCPs who pushed on the issue just gave their speech and went on with it.

I started having my eldest sleep in bed with me after I found that late pregnancy and birth had made my joint problems worse which resulted in getting out of bed or even just sitting up and pulling him out of his Moses basket awkward and painful. So they've all slept in bed with us at the beginning, the older 2 moved straight into their own beds in their own room at 18 months, DC3 was too wiggle so moved into a side-mini-cot at 7 or so months then to her own bed in her own room at a year. DC4 is now in our bed though we already have his own big bed waiting for him when he gets bigger and wiggly. Never found it a rod for my own back, in fact it saved my back and hips.

We've done what we need to allow everyone to get the sleep they need with minimum fuss. I'm not particularly worried about how other people achieve this but I think it is very important we all find our own ways to do this.

Morloth · 28/05/2012 12:01

YANBU I don't get most of the parenting angst really.

I pretty much do what makes sense which also happens to pretty much be what my mum did.

We coslept a bit because it was the easiest way to feed and sleep in the early days. I don't buy the rod for your own back thing. Both my boys are tucked up safe and happy right now, they changed as they grew so our parenting changed with them.