To feel it's time my grandson was moving on

[Notfuckingpastit1]

Agreed willingly to look after my 18 year old grandson while he completes his A levels. he really is a smashing lad, no problem with him whatsoever . His parents have moved to Ireland so he needed somewhere to stay until he finishes his exams at the end of June. Problem is, he's hoping to start uni in september (results pending) the plan was he'd go to Ireland once he'd finished. Now he's made it plain he wants to stay until september. He's no income, although he has made the token gesture of applying for a summer job. The problem is, although he's a great lad I would just like my home back for me & my husband. We are not that old 50 & 57, but it's nice just the two of us if you know what I mean? We've done our bit as far as teenagers go with our own kids. Don't really want a teenager sat texting and stroking his spots continually sat with us every evening! He's been with us since February, so feel like I've done my bit. Trouble is can't help feeling like the wicked witch. There's no one else really and he's detirmined he won't live in Ireland

I dunno... but blimey, a grandma at 32?

The husband might not be the biological grandfather.

I don't know whether Yabu or yanbu.

Sorry, not very helpful!

I would say YABU as it only tilseptember and his uni place depends on results so he would be forced to move twice

If it's only until September then it's not too bad, he obviously enjoys your company and feels settled, seems a shame for him to relocate to Ireland for a couple of months to then relocate again for university.

Great minds Kayano!

It's only till September fgs. And he's your grandson. YABU

Yabu and mean.... Sorry!

I can see where you are coming from. You have happily opened your home, knowing that you'd have it back at the end of May. Now I suppose you are wondering if he will expect to lodge with you while at Uni. I think you have supported him, he hasn't paid rent etc as far as I can tell, and fair enough family etc etc - but if he wants to change the agreement, and if you were happy with this (which it seems you are not) then you would have to negotiate rent etc esp as teenage boys eat like horses. I think you are not being unreasonable. I would want my home back too. End of the day, while you are family, you are doing him the favour. If he doesn't want to go to Ireland then he needs to either stay longer with you (not an option) or look for other lodging. It is his choice not to go after all.

I'd be glad it's just till September. My poor long suffering Mother has had my oldest since 2010 when he moved home to UK, he's working full time and pays her but it's still someone else in her house, she's a widow now.
Come July she'll be getting my 18 year old who is going to college near her in UK, we'd all hoped the older would have moved before now, she's obviously treating him too well he loves it there. He promised to get moving ASAP but it may be next September/October.

He should go to Ireland as planned if you are feeling you have no space. Maybe he can come back in August, after you have had a break from his company.

Can't believe the people who think you owe it to your grandson to carry on having him living in your home! He's an adult fgs! And the original plan was for him to go to Ireland to stay at the family home once his exams were over. If he wants to change that plan, he can by all means ask, but he has no right to expect, to carry on living with you. It might only be til sept but that's not the point- you've had him since feb and you want your own space back- I don't blame you.! Also- this could be the thin end of the wedge and he might want to stay every uni holiday because it's more convenient than going to his parents

I think YABU and sound rather mean about it, too. Poor lad, you're lucky he enjoys your company enough to want to stay and good on him for getting a summer job.

You're right to feel like the wicked witch, think it's called a conscience...

This is such a great chance to build on the relationship you have with him

You can set new ground rules once his exams have finished

Up to you, if you don't want him there, tell him to go and that the deal was until June.
My parents would be gobsmacked at your attitude, but it's your house and so you get to choose who lives there and when.

If he doesn't want to go back to Ireland, he could sofa surf with friends as he has no income as such. If you tell him to go, you have no right to then tell him what he should be doing BTW, now or in the future. You are changing the relationship and he's an adult.

I would let him stay tbh but on the condition that he is up and out of the house every day (job or job seeking) and doesn't use the place like a doss house for 3 months.

I'm surprised he wants to stay in with you during tge evening rather than going out with friends.

I really think the OP has done her bit hasn't she? Having another adult staying in your house for 5 months is more than enough for anyone, whether that person is family or not?
I can't imagine expecting my parents to look after one of my teenage children for more than 5 months. I know that they would do it in the circumstances here to enable them to get through exams, but I can understand why they would want their house back to themselves for a bit.
Would it not be better for GS so go and stay with his parents in Ireland for the summer months, and make some friends there so that when he does come home for uni holidays he has some mates to hang out with?

Ask him to start paying rent or he has to go to Ireland. Maybe a token gesture like £120 a month? That's what I had to pay my parents once I finished school. But ummm I left school 15 years ago, maybe inflation wise it should be more?

For what it's worth I suspect a lot of people might briefly think the thoughts you have but then suck it up and let them stay until September, as it's only a few months. But maybe I'm wrong. Does he help around the place, do chores?

Doesn't sound like he's planning on going home in the holidays, DD was amazed how many of her mates and acquaintances said they'd not be going back home.
What will he pay rent with? Jobs are almost impossible to get for teenagers ATM.

My parents moved from the home counties to scotland during my A-levels and I stayed with a friend for a bit, but I did then go up and join them before Uni started.

I thought it was really beneficial to do that, because having spent even just a few weeks there before going to Uni it started to feel like home and I was happy going back there when the first term ended at Christmas. If he doesn't go at all during this summer, he may have difficulty thinking of it as "going home"

I'm amazed to see so many YABU on here. In my Ming YA definitely NBU.

You have helped him and his parents out hugely by having him since Feb and another 3 months is a long time to have a house guest.

As someone else points out, what does he plan to do in his summer holidays? Maybe he expects to stay then too?

I think it is a bit sad actually. Once he gets to Uni he may suddenly make loads of new friends, have exciting things to do. There will come a point when he has no time to visit his Grandma anymore. This may be your last chance to spend time with him before this happens. I would take it if I were in your shoes. You say yourself he is a lovely boy and no problem to have around. If all you have to complain about is that he sits there texting, then YABU.