To feel it's time my grandson was moving on

[Notfuckingpastit1]

Agreed willingly to look after my 18 year old grandson while he completes his A levels. he really is a smashing lad, no problem with him whatsoever . His parents have moved to Ireland so he needed somewhere to stay until he finishes his exams at the end of June. Problem is, he's hoping to start uni in september (results pending) the plan was he'd go to Ireland once he'd finished. Now he's made it plain he wants to stay until september. He's no income, although he has made the token gesture of applying for a summer job. The problem is, although he's a great lad I would just like my home back for me & my husband. We are not that old 50 & 57, but it's nice just the two of us if you know what I mean? We've done our bit as far as teenagers go with our own kids. Don't really want a teenager sat texting and stroking his spots continually sat with us every evening! He's been with us since February, so feel like I've done my bit. Trouble is can't help feeling like the wicked witch. There's no one else really and he's detirmined he won't live in Ireland

God you are so not unreasonable.

And ditto what Salmontrutta said.

And just so I'm clear it is never ok to ask one's parents for any financial help whatsoever when you're an adult or ask them to babysit a 1 year old for 2 hours but its fine to send your adult son to live with them for the foreseeable future . . . .

I would be encouraging him to go away with mates as much as possible over the summer, camping, gigs and whatnot.

How would he finance this? It doesn't sound like he's making too much effort to look for a job.

Nah, YANBU, and don't feel "guilt tripped" by a few posters.

What happens if he doesn't get into university?

Do you think he'll still resist going to his parents' home?

Is his sister making new friends there?

Is it the Republic or NI they moved to?
(Curious as to how it affects fees / loans)

re "doesn't even like going into a shop on his own!"

I went off to college at 16 and was living in digs. OK, I was effectively getting bed, breakfast, (and evening meal most days Sunday-Thursday), but had to quickly keep track of cash, timekeeping and while there was spare time after a 9-5 college day, there was a curfew as I was fairly young!

If he's thinking about university, he'd probably learn a lot with VSO, work for free in a charity shop (as it's not all about money), or do something else "real world" where he's expected to be in on time, accept whatever the "boss" tells him to do, and muck in with the tea run, getting his own lunch, etc. and fend for himself when he's not working.

Perhaps if you are going to allow him to stay on until September, you tell him that cooking will be one of his tasks (with some tutoring from you!) plus general cleaning, bedmaking, etc, as it sounds like he'll benefit from the knowledge when he does get to Uni.

I agree with notmyproblem

YANBU after all you have done your time with negociating with lazy teens etc why is it your place to have to go through this with your GS

I think you have been kind thus far and I would be tempted to ring your DD and explain to her and let her deal with this and tell him that its unacceptable to outstay his welcome

I dont envy you because theres a huge vein of emotional blackmail running through this. Maybe if you think you cant face speaking up then keep going until you hear about uni and if he gets in you wont need to worry

What do his parents think? Do they know how you feel? Can't he go and spend the summer in Ireland, at least?

I don't think YABU. It's not up to grandparents to raise their GC unless they specifically take on that responsibility - and it sounds like you've just provided a stop-gap for a few months - not the promise of a home for as long as he wants it. You're entitled to the privacy and space of your own home IMO and you've done everyone a favour for the past few months. You're going to have to speak up if you want things to change though.