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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not have sex with my partner

760 replies

WhiteWidow · 27/05/2012 17:19

Because yet again I have the most horrific shaving rash! He says he doesn't mind but I do... Now I feel silly

While we're here does anyone else suffer from the BURN and HORRID ingrown hairs? How do you prevent them.. I'm sick to death.

I wish I could just go all european and not do hair removal but it makes me itchy thinking about it.

OP posts:

Shakey1500 · 27/05/2012 19:27

FeministPixie Arf @ "anything that faces the floor"

HillyWallaby · 27/05/2012 19:29

at Seventh. I would like to get mine waxed (only around the edges) for the sake of neatness, and I wish the triangle didn't grow quite so bushy so I might invest in a beard trimmer for it, (probably safer than the nail scissors I currently employ ) but I really do find the fashion for habitually taking it all off a bit odd.

I honestly don't care whether you do or you don't, whatever floats your boat, but I do think you are all being incredibly naive and in denial if you honestly think the current fashion/expectation for it has come from anywhere but the internet porn industry.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 27/05/2012 19:30

Who said the Egyptians brought nothing of value to modern culture Also, I did not know they actually spread that practice to the UK ... do you have a reference, please? I would have imagined it might instead have been the Romans.

Please, do tell me of a cultural that historically valorizes hair removal amongst women and also suppoirts women's rights?

I am, btw, constantly reminded of what India Knight says about waxng your fanjo: yes, it may make it more sensitive ... but so would tenderizing it with a meat mallet. No healthy person's nerve endings are that faulty.

FeministPixie · 27/05/2012 19:31

I'm a total wuss when it comes to pain.

HillyWallaby · 27/05/2012 19:34

No, POPG! That is not true about granny! You may have done it yourself from time to time, and you had it done by the midwife before childbirth, but there was no huge and burgeoning fanjo hair removal industry, no cultural expectation of bald fanjos among almost everyone in your age group, and you know it!

I am not talking about the occasional shave/trim, or the odd person who had a penchant for it, I am talking about mass habitual waxing/shaving of the entire lot as a zeitgeist.

FeministPixie · 27/05/2012 19:36

SeventhEverything- yea- that's my take on it too. accept me and my bush or GTFO

HillyWallaby · 27/05/2012 19:36

Sorry POPG when I say your age group, I was actually talking about granny!

yellowraincoat · 27/05/2012 19:38

Some people shave, some people don't. If you feel nicer shaving it, go for it. None of us exist in a vacuum and you're not some traitor to the cause if you decide to get rid of the hair.

I personally have hideously sensitive skin so I just leave it. Not worth the bumps.

squeakytoy · 27/05/2012 19:42

I found that when i shaved it all off occasionally, the day after was itchy and a rash, but when I do it regularly, ie every other time I shower, it doesnt itch or get a rash..

HillyWallaby · 27/05/2012 19:49

But if you shave how do you deal with all the little straggly bits that are right underneath? And what about all the bits that are really close to your clit and your tender parts? Surely you don't put a razor down there where you can't even see properly? That sounds irresponsible.

PreviouslyonLost · 27/05/2012 19:49

For ingrown hairs and stubble rash, 'Tend Skin', blue bottle, buy it at the chemist - salicylic acid (sounds MORE painful, but actually aspirin based) Expensive, but it works.

LowFlyingBirds · 27/05/2012 19:51

I shave. Its become the norm for me now im afraid.

Where i differ with most other baldies is that i would never try to disassociate the expectation of bald fanjos and the creep of internet porn.

You dont have to be anavid consumer of it to have been influenced. I cannot for the life of me see how anyone could deny the link.

For me its like make-up. I shave/wear make up because i like it but im under no illusion about why i ever felt the need to star doing either.

Shaving may be a positive thing for you but i find it ignorant and strangely defensive to deny the link with porn.

Debeezandbirds · 27/05/2012 19:51

I was referring to your post LDR "Yeah, shit, why aren't we more like them Egyptians?! I think we should really all be shagging our close relatives, surrendering realistic perspective in visual arts, and pulling the brains of our loved ones out of their noses with hooks when they die. " You just seemed to be summing up an entire culture on what you see to be their negatives.

Bottom line. Why does my choice of pubic hair or not offend so much? Why do you feel the need to have a say on my body? I don't want to look like a porn star. I'm all long skirts, henna hair and pasty white skin. I don't want to look like a child. I'm saggy and floppy and am completely at peace with this. I don't need to conform to a parody. I'm a woman not something to conform to your ideals as you're so worried about where my body image originates from and it's validity or how certain men may or may not perceive a body image.

If my fanjo offends you I am sorry, but unless you are my lover, my doctor or find me in the shower after a nasty slip it's never going to be an issue for you. I came to this thread to offer some advice and maybe pick up a few tips. If I ever saw a thread about how to keep public hair long and shiny I do hope I'd have the grace not to jump on and go "Ugh, that's different to what I choose to do, you're wrong and have sinister motives.".

squeakytoy · 27/05/2012 19:52

Hilly, I do it in the bath... with one of those razors with the soapy stuff on the blade too.. have never cut meself yet.

HillyWallaby · 27/05/2012 19:52

I have been putting off going for a bikini wax for years. I always managed with a quick DIY short back and sides, but since I have lived in a hot climate I spend more time in a swimming cozzie, so I need to shave much more often and I'm getting a nasty stubble rash, and blocked follicles.

But I am scared/shy about going for a wax. I know it's stupid but I am.

valiumredhead · 27/05/2012 19:53

I agree with Hilly

I remember crying after being shaved after an op when I was 20 ( 21 years ago) as I felt really really odd, shaving wasn't common place then.

If I moisturise after shaving my legs it stings like mad and I get itchy bumps and a rash. I have just discovered dh's King of Shaves shaving gel which is good.

Gincognito · 27/05/2012 19:54

Tendskin! The stuff is genius. Stops razor burn and ingrown hairs completely, I absolutely swear by the stuff.

HillyWallaby · 27/05/2012 19:55

You dont have to be anavid consumer of it to have been influenced.

Yes, exactly that. I don't know if very young women are even aware that they do it routinely because of that connection - it is not necessarily a conscious thing, but it is a thing, nonetheless.

Debeezandbirds · 27/05/2012 19:55

"strangely defensive to deny the link with porn." Perhaps Low for some, all I can offer is my own personal experience which is as far away from trying to be a porn star as possible. I have done women's studies and was aware that women have done this on and off through the ages, perhaps for some the more recent trend does have a correlation, but all the porn we came across growing up was joy of sex style and everyone was very hairy. So in my instance I will deny to porn link as it's not relevant to my decision.

BertieBotts · 27/05/2012 19:56

I'm younger than you OP and I don't shave Just can't be bothered, TBH.

Mrsjay · 27/05/2012 20:00

ok long thread but i dont think being all hairless is hygenic the once or twice i did do it i felt a bit weird and ikkky (down there ) I just do a short back and sides and shave against the hair is that not what you are supposed to do ? and i also use hair conditioner wheni shave ,

HillyWallaby · 27/05/2012 20:01

I have shaved everything off about three times in my lifetime, but haven't done it for over 20 years. All I remember was that for the two days I couldn't wipe the smile off my face and I wore a somewhat glazed and ahem let's say a 'distracted' expression, and then for the next few days it just itched like a bastarding bastard and I couldn't wait for the stubble to get a bit longer so I could stop the incessant scratching.

LunarRose · 27/05/2012 20:02

Veet sensitive hair removal cream, no stubble rash and no ingrowing hairs yet.

May well be a porn thing, don't think I really care or can complain cos I definitely like the feel better

Original poster

WhiteWidow · 27/05/2012 20:04

Does it bloody matter WHY it is the norm, it just is! I like it end of. Ner ner ner ner nerrrr puts thumb on nose and wiggles fingers

OP posts:

Showmethemhappyfeet · 27/05/2012 20:05

Wow you people on about the Internet porn are crazy. I started shaving mine when I was about 13. At the time I had ZERO idea what my friends did/what was fashionable... I just didn't like it. Not sure where Internet porn if never seen comes into it...

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