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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not have sex with my partner

760 replies

WhiteWidow · 27/05/2012 17:19

Because yet again I have the most horrific shaving rash! He says he doesn't mind but I do... Now I feel silly Blush

While we're here does anyone else suffer from the BURN and HORRID ingrown hairs? How do you prevent them.. I'm sick to death.

I wish I could just go all european and not do hair removal but it makes me itchy thinking about it.

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 27/05/2012 20:06

How old are you show out of interest? Be truthful! Wink

yellowraincoat · 27/05/2012 20:07

Well, it does sort of matter why it's the norm. Not to everyone, but it's interesting to think about these things for some.

I do think that hair removal is an emotive subject. It's not that pleasant to feel that it's not a choice. My skin gets so sore and red, but I would feel hugely uncomfortable going out with bare legs that are covered in hair. I don't think it should be like that.

Mrsjay · 27/05/2012 20:08

TBh its just hair and we sort out the hair on our legs or head our pits so why not shave if thats what we want there is no written rule we need to keep it ,

openerofjars · 27/05/2012 20:08

Okay, I am clearly very, very easily led by advertising, and am a no hair removal in the fanjo area (apart from any bits that are going to trail out of the edges of my pants) kind of a woman.

But I have a lovely turquoise birthing pool in my house, turquoise nail polish on my toes - total coincidence - and now I have just seen that pube dye in turquoise and, well, it got me thinking.

WIBU to go all matchy-matchy for the birth of dc2? Just for a bit of a laugh? And if the baby is overdue, will I have to redo my roots? Do you have to bleach first, or is it an all in one job?

Showmethemhappyfeet · 27/05/2012 20:10

I'm 23 but it still doesn't take away the fact that when I started I hadn't discussed it with anyone, or had any idea on what the general public did with theirs...Hmm

citymonkey · 27/05/2012 20:16

Debeez - I think maybe she was saying that it's origins are in porn, not that by doing it you want to BE like a porn star..?

I find this interesting - I first got a Brazilian when I was 19 during my first year at uni - I had never had a bikini wax before (though had some rudimentary tidying attempts with a Bic I recall and immediately dislike the idea of putting a razor blade anywhere near my ladybits), and had at that age not seen any porn really - I think I cottoned on to the idea from Sex and the City maybe, thought it was cool and hunted down somewhere to get one. Then (1999) it was actually difficult to find somewhere they did it in Oxford, and I remember ringing up various salons and every time I asked if they did it I felt as if I was asking if they sold uncut heroin...

Since having it I have never looked back - I really like how it feels and prefer it for sex purposes etc... Men always seem to like it. I now feel uncomfortable if all is not ship shape down there. I am now 31 and I probably only need to get it done every three months or so.

My mother (who is actually very young to have a 31 yr old daughter - was 18 when she had me) thought the whole thing was alien and mad (teenager in the 70s/80s) and she and her friends found the story of when I went somewhere for a Brazilian but the salon clearly didn't know the difference between that and a Hollywood hilarious (Hollywood bit too far for me - even though I only have a teen landing triangle left which is hardly any different).

In my group of friends, it is very much the norm and the men basically assume that is what all girls do / are used to their wives playing for Brazil. There is one friend I have though who finds the idea totally repugnant and is au natural (I think no 'tending') and the other husbands in our group find this totally unfathomable.

It just so happens it is totally my pref for Brazil, but I do wonder whether if it wasn't I would feel pressured to do something about the lady garden or whether I would just tell my husband to like it or lump it!

citymonkey · 27/05/2012 20:16

Christ that was long, soz

citymonkey · 27/05/2012 20:16

PPS I meant TEENY not TEEN Confused

PlentyOfPubeGardens · 27/05/2012 20:17

Um Hilly Confused I think you may have misread my post as I agree with you.

I was trying to say that the current fashion has been a very recent thing and that prior to this, women in the UK have kept their hair for generations, at least. The Egyptians are irrelevant because this is not part of a continuous tradition stretching back to ancient egyptian times, or even roman times. It's a new thing.

And yes, for generations, one of the few times a woman would have her vulva shaved was as part of a humiliating production-line childbirth process.

citymonkey · 27/05/2012 20:19

Oh also when I got my Brazilian done, none of my friends had had one and they all thought it hilarious that I was getting one - they were all intrigued.

Mrsjay · 27/05/2012 20:19

what is the difference between a brazilian and a hollywood Confused

citymonkey · 27/05/2012 20:25

Brazilian = landing strip / little triangle / basically a bit left on, but most off including undercarriage

Hollywood = everything off. Every. Single. Last. Hair.

:-)

yellowraincoat · 27/05/2012 20:25

citymonkey, yanno what I find unfathomable? That you sit around with your friends and your friends' partners discussing how people have their pubes.

Why on earth is that interesting to you?

HillyWallaby · 27/05/2012 20:27

Right. I have started a thread to conduct a Fanjo Hair Survey. Let's just sit back and wait....

citymonkey · 27/05/2012 20:29

Ha

Fair play

We are a pretty close knit group I guess. Some times the conversation takes weird turns!

Anyway - what's wrong with discussing pubes (or anything else for that matter!) with your mates...?

yellowraincoat · 27/05/2012 20:30

It just seems a bit odd and as if you're judging this one woman for not getting rid of her hair.

I can't imagine anything more dull to discuss.

Presumably you also sit around judging the men on whether they shave their balls or not?

Mrsjay · 27/05/2012 20:31

OUCH EVERYthing OH THATS EYE WATERING TO THINK ABOUT IT [GRIN]

citymonkey · 27/05/2012 20:33

Of course we're not 'judging' her - she is one of the group (of closefriends!) and was part of the conversation! It was a properly comic evening actually :-)

LRDtheFeministDragon · 27/05/2012 20:33

deb - I wrongly assumed you were commenting because you wanted to discuss. If - like lots of women - you choose to remove hair but don't want to get into analzying why, I respect that. If you want to remove hair, analyze why, and still do it even if you see the possible contraindications, like others on this thread, I respect that too.

What I don't really get is why you seem to think I should either ignore your post or pretend I agree with you? Confused Why bother commenting if you can't cope with a response?

RightBuggerforit · 27/05/2012 20:36

Cba to read through the whole thing, but OP, you need to laser it! I had it done years ago and haven't had shaving rash since cos you shave so much less frequently. The hair grows back loads finer and slower. You can put emla cream on for an hour first so you won't feel it (otherwise it hurts)!

citymonkey · 27/05/2012 20:39

Oh sorry didn't see last bit of your message - yep, we did sit around musing (erm not judging - it is possible to converse about these things without making it defensive you know - clearly not on MN though...) whether the men should have a bash at waxing their bits (none of them do any tending of their man zones - though I think a couple knew blokes who did). Interestingly the women found that a bit gross and also comic. We could not get one of them to volunteer for back, sac and crack sadly. All wincing at the though of wax.... Just as well none of them have to go through child birth!

citymonkey · 27/05/2012 20:40

Also - why are you making it into some adversarial thing? It was an hilarious drunken conversation between mates about who does what to their bits, nothing more!

MumsKnitter · 27/05/2012 20:40

Well. I wouldn't like to shave down there... def too many ingrowns. So I have permanently done away with most of mine by lasering. It was eyewateringly painful, but now I just have a very very few thinner hairs I spend 5 mins plucking once a fortnight. I'm delighted with the result. I chose to leave a little triangle well above the bits, out of the way of tongues and my fingers as it's my preference, but I certainly wouldn't judge anyone elses preference. I did think carefully about my style as it was going to be permanent...I didn't want to be saddled with the pube equivalent of an eighties kitchen and look really dated! I suspect that the porn industry may well have had some effect on this trend for hairlessness, though many women will have found it entirely by themselves. Can't see that it matters where it came from originally. I do it entirely for me. I'm currently single so it's not for a partner, but much prefer fiddling with smooth bits. It feels so much nicer. And it is easier to keep clean and free of stale wee throughout the day. I'd much rather go down on a hairfree bits woman than a bushier one, but that's just my preference. The only downside is in having to avoid men with facial hair as it's too jaggy without the protection of hair. Can live with that though!

MumsKnitter · 27/05/2012 20:42

X post Right regarding lasering!

yellowraincoat · 27/05/2012 20:42

It's an odd thing to discuss and judge people on. Not being adversarial, no need to get defensive. Discuss people's personal choices all you like, but when others see you as a bit odd, don't be surprised.