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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not have sex with my partner

760 replies

WhiteWidow · 27/05/2012 17:19

Because yet again I have the most horrific shaving rash! He says he doesn't mind but I do... Now I feel silly Blush

While we're here does anyone else suffer from the BURN and HORRID ingrown hairs? How do you prevent them.. I'm sick to death.

I wish I could just go all european and not do hair removal but it makes me itchy thinking about it.

OP posts:
yellowraincoat · 29/05/2012 23:20

OK, well, why not just not be personal, then you don't have to back yourself up.

Of course you have a degree of choice, no-one is arguing otherwise. But I personally don't feel that any of us really have free choice. If I went out with hairy legs, I'd feel really uncomfortable. So I shave them. I don't feel that I make that choice on purely personal grounds.

Perhaps you feel that you do. As I've said, that's great. But I know I don't and I know a lot of women don't and I don't feel we have many images in the media that suggest it's acceptable.

yellowraincoat · 29/05/2012 23:21

I'm sorry you found it rude.

I know a lot of people wouldn't have found it so, however.

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 29/05/2012 23:22

Really? That honestly surprises me.

If I had been rude to you I'd just admit it.

NannyPlumIsMyMum · 29/05/2012 23:23

I would just hope that women have the confidence to keep their body in a way that they feel comfortable with.
Hairy fanjo or not.
As long as we can all ( the hair fanjo hair keepers and takers ) promote choice and acceptance of our bodies in their natural state for the future women, then that would be good.

peacefuleasyfeeling · 29/05/2012 23:23

Hurrah for Nanny Plum! Ahh, what a relief...

yellowraincoat · 29/05/2012 23:24

I've said I'm sorry if you found it rude.

Do you want me to lie and say "yes I was rude" even if I don't believe I was?

Where on earth are you going with this?

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 29/05/2012 23:24

I wasn't. I said I didn't want it to be personal which was why I explained it.

Saying - you get people's backs up with no explanation seems to me just a personal thing to say.

Saying you got my back up when you said x or y is not.

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 29/05/2012 23:25

Nanny plum, you are right. I agree wholeheartedly.

NannyPlumIsMyMum · 29/05/2012 23:26

pickle the thread is so long , I could only read the first few pages and the last few , so can only comment on what iv seen.

yellowraincoat · 29/05/2012 23:26

Oh OK then.

peacefuleasyfeeling · 29/05/2012 23:26

Just xposted with you, NannyPlum; I was really referring to your post a bit higher up about modelling permission to be relaxed about untidiness, but here you go again, speaking so wisely. Good, good, good.

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 29/05/2012 23:27

Where are you going? I'm answering the points you put to me. If you don't want the answer, don't ask!

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 29/05/2012 23:28

I know nanny. I do agree with you, don't read the thread it's a bit nuts.

NannyPlumIsMyMum · 29/05/2012 23:29

Well on a nice note I think I will leave now Smile , it's been interesting reading so thankyou all !
OP I hope your fanjo Is better soon.
Perhaps invest in an aloe Vera plant for your bathroom Wink it seems to have skin calming properties !

NannyPlumIsMyMum · 29/05/2012 23:30

peaceful love your name.
Night all.

Original poster
WhiteWidow · 30/05/2012 07:49

Interesting talk on Daybreak this morning

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 30/05/2012 08:05

FFS! There are fanny wipes on sale because it is a medical fact that women are more susceptible to infections, thrush, cystitis etc than men

I agree with math - it is NOT a medical fact and this is NOT the way to deal with an infection if you have one.

PlentyOfPubeGardens · 30/05/2012 08:40

WhiteWidow I'd like to return to your OP. You 'have the most horrific shaving rash', you're suffering from 'BURN and HORRID ingrown hairs', you're 'sick to death', you 'wish [you] could just go all european and not do hair removal' and it's affecting your sex life!

why are you doing this to yourself? It doesn't sound at all comfortable. It doesn't sound at all like an empowering choice. It sounds horrible.

The good news is you don't have to do this. You can just let it grow, switch to just trimming it or whatever. I'm not going to tell you what you should do, and actually if you start to question the normalcy of such practices you're likely to experience a different sort of discomfort (hence the defensiveness of the hair removers on this thread, IMO), but the choice is there.

Original poster
WhiteWidow · 30/05/2012 08:47

I wish that I myself was comfortable with being hairy down there. That's what I wish. I have shaved for years and years with no problem, it only started (as I've said before) when I had the contraceptive implant.

I am open to people's opinions on the matter, what I am not open to is people telling me I do it because

  1. I'm oppressed
  2. I want to be a porn star
  3. My partner or myself want me to look like a child.

There's only one group in this topic that haven't been open to things, and that's the ones who are against shaving or the ones who can't accept that I do it through choice.

OP posts:
Moominsarescary · 30/05/2012 08:50

I think the ones being defensive are those who let it grow. All this talk about porn and people doing it because it's what men expect and silly comments about pre pubescent girls and peodopillia.

The op has already stated she prefers it that way and just wanted ideas on how to make it less itchy/rashy

yellowraincoat · 30/05/2012 13:29

But it's v easy to say "no YOU'RE the ones who aren't open" "YOU'RE the ones who are defensive".

When people disagree, it's very easy to infer a wholly negative attitude from their posts.

Why are you not comfortable with the hair Widow? The physical discomfort or the social discomfort? I feel the same about my legs. I wish I could go hairy, but I just wouldn't feel good. Also, I don't find it attractive (for myself - think it looks fine on others.) It bothers me as I have sensitive skin and it is a faff to cover my legs with vaseline and stuff after shaving.

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 30/05/2012 13:35

I let mine grow and I found it it just doesn't bother me.

Have you tried it? And Widow have you ever tried going full muff? You might find you don't mind it.

The one thing for me that I haven't yet let go back to hairy are my armpits. I haven't tried though. They are often a bit hairy but I've never gone full with them.

I might try it.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 30/05/2012 13:39

Can I ask a genuine question, please?

People on here have said that it is more hygienic to have pubic hair, and I am wondering why that is the case. I've always thought that it is easier to keep that area clean when it's shaven, because there's no hair to trap menstrual blood, the odd trace of urine, or sweat, but I am sure people have good reasons for saying that it's actually less hygienic to be shaven, and I'm wondering what those are.

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 30/05/2012 13:43

Was it something to do with keeping all the nasties away from your inner fanjo?

I dont know.

I thought hair tended to grow around something to protect it. Not sure why we have armpit hair.

Or any hair.

Oh dear Im really curious now.

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 30/05/2012 13:44

yellow knows I think?