to want my children to be with me at my sisters wedding.

[themaltbycrew]

My sister is getting married 2moro and is being VERY bridezilla. She has just told me that there is no room for children during the sit down meal. They will be with a childrens entertainer in a separate room!!

This doesnt sit well with me at all. Ive not met this entertainer, so they are a stranger to me and my children. plus being in another room where I wont be able to even see them. My youngest is only 22months and very clingy.
She will scream. Ive told my sister this and she said its not debateable.

Am I unreasonable for hating this idea. My older two will be ok as they are 7 and 5 and it can be explained to them, but the baby just wont understand...

I always thought a wedding was a family occasion.

What is with "child-free" weddings, and to what age are you considered a child...8,13,17? That surely cuts huge swathes of family out? It must be difficult to get babysitters if the rest of the family is at the wedding?

Last 2 weddings I went to,children had gift bags put out for each of them (those under age of 12) with loads of little things to keep them occupied at the table.

Thing is, there isn't enough room for the children. Providing entertainment and food elsewhere is a reasonable workaround. Every wedding I've been to (and there have been several) with a similar setup has worked brilliantly.

The stage where one cannot leave one's tiny kiddlers in a situation like that so you have to mind them in shifts is a pita but is short lived. It's a shame that this stage has clashed with the op's sister's wedding, but shit happens.

Besides like I said up thread, I'm not sure the op likes her sister much. Or at the least she's very judgemental about her parenting. The op suggests that her older two spend all their time outside of school with her and her dh, which is pretty unusual.

The thing is, the OP is making a drama out of the situation. She said herself that "I just thought it would be nice if I had a choice... if so I would choose to eat in the kids room..... "

She has that choice. Nowhere has she indicated that her sister is refusing her permission to eat with her children in the "kids room". Nowhere.

So there you are then. The OP is happy to sit in the children's room with her DC. The bride appears to be happy to let that happen.

And the OP still has the arseache about it!

Exactly, LeQ.

Wen I would have "arseache" about something that presumably the bride knew about weeks if not months ago and didnt bother telling me about until the day before that affected my children!

Her sister sounds horrible actually, the way she implies that the toddler being clingy as a pain in the arse and that OP is unreasonable to want to keep an eye on her!

And as for calling her sister a bridezilla, I can relate. I love my sister very much but she turned into a total fucking bitch the SECOND the engagement ring went on her finger.
She was so unutterably vile that I almost decided not to go, was persuaded by my dad that I had to and really wished I hadnt. It damaged our relationship for a long time, and not just ours. Her chief BM dropped out a few months before as she was sick of DSis and hasnt spoken to her since (15 years). To this day DSis maintains CBM was just being an attention seeking, jealous bitch, whereas I think that spending hours screaming at someone because they a) refused to take a week off work before the wedding b) was organising her own wedding and therefore wanted to discuss her plans too and c) booked a nicer honeymoon than Dsis (unintentional, it was a place she always dreamed of going on her DFiance treated her!) a is unreasonable. Dsis said CBM was jealous of Dsis and thats why she dropped out, i think that CBM had to drop out or she would have killed her! I refused to be BM, and I was selfish and jealous too :o

As I say, I loved her and still do, but that doesnt mean I didnt also hate her guts for a good 2 years!

I still think that the main issue isnt about the plans (ill thought out though they appear to be if there isnt childcare as well as the entertainer), but about the lack of notice.

"Wen I would have "arseache" about something that presumably the bride knew about weeks if not months ago and didnt bother telling me about until the day before that affected my children!

Her sister sounds horrible actually, the way she implies that the toddler being clingy as a pain in the arse and that OP is unreasonable to want to keep an eye on her!"

Brief typing, have icecream in hand! Timing is irrelevant. Op can still go and sit with DC or not go or get DH to sit with DC or share sitting with DH. All options which are the same as they'd have been if OP had been told 6 months ago, no more no less.

It only affects DC as much as OP wants it to. If she is really that anti the idea she can decline, no impact upon DC at all.

Sister may well think clingy toddler is a PITA. Sister has a right not to have PITA kids at her wedding meal! Sister hasn't indicated anywhere that OP is unreasonable to want to keep an eye on DC that I can see. All Sis has said is that DC aren't to be in dining area but elsewhere.

LeQ I suspect the bride gave such little notice because she knew her sister would be thoroughly unreasonable. Which is cowardly, but understandable.

You are so right, as a past childrens entertainer I hated bookings like this. If your sister is adamant no children I would take it in turns with another parent or dh to accompany children. I would be concerned about ratio of adult helpers as if this is a traditional entertainer he'she will be performing an act not babysitting. You must find these things out as it is also unfair on the poor entertainer. I wish you luck and hope the day is enjoyable.

Sorry, must add for the record. I was a good act but had no childcare qualifications and had no experience of caring for children

BUt the bride said it was "not debateable" so presumably will kick up a stink if her carefully arranged table plan would be buggered up by the OP being in another room!

It could be that but I took "not debateable" to be that sDsis wasn't going to change her mind where the children sat, not where the OP sat, bogeyface. :) I wonder which of us is right and whether the OP will ever come back to tell us.

If Dsis's aware that the toddler kicks off and screams when merely one person visits the OP's house I'm convinced that she's at best rather concerned and possibly pretty damn sure that the child will do the same when in the company of a large group of people, at least half of whom are likely to be strangers, in alien surroundings. I can understand Dsis not wanting her wedding meal and speeches to be ruined by that tbh. I'd have solved the problem from the off and children wouldn't have been invited at all, perhaps the Dsis should have too.

I think above all the childrens safety should come first. (Brides wishes aside)If nobody knows this entertainer have they checked crb, public liability insurance. Exactly how he/she intends to entertain the children. Who will accompany them out of the room/ to the toilet/ I want my mummy etc. All parents should be asking these questions as this meal/speeches could take quite a while. If it over runs doesn't go to plan, does the entertainer have a booking immediately after this one and will just have to leave. Is the entertainer aware of the set up. i.e children being in another room from parents or is he/she expecting parents to have responsibility

Hope it went well op. What did you do?

Um, the OP is at her sister's wedding, presumably.

It could have been worse. my sister tried to stick to her plans.. and I tried to play along. The big ones went in the kids room fine, but the baby. threw a tantrum (as expected).. she threw herself on the floor screaming.. My husband chose to stay in the room with her. where she clung to him like a limpit but didnt cry. I sat in the main room on my allocated table. just accross from me was a table where 2 children ( 6ish and 4ish) sat comforatbly....I began to get irate..my sister saw me... asked what was wrong so I asked why they were in and My dd wasnt. She said they have ignored her wishes from day one and p**d her off . She then said "bring her in you may as well" I double checked this was ok as i didnt want to spoil things and she said... |"just go get her" which I did.

My dd then say on my knee all though the meal without causing a fuss. She just ate bits off our plates and giggled. the rest went without a hitch.

things are fine with my sister, and all the kids were happy, I just dont wanna be near her when she confronts the other parents of the 6 and 4yr olds.. which Im sure she will xx

Oh well done, sounds like you managed to handle it perfectly and aren't the one she's pissed off with!

Well played!

Glad it turned out well for you.

While I think that a bride and groom have a right to the wedding of their choice, I also think that no one has a right to insist on child care arrangements for other people's children. So, she ought to have told you in advance what she wanted and given you a fair choice to make arrangements that you are happy with or to decline the invitation with no bad feeling.

I feel sorry for the parents of the two children at your table - if you didn't know the childcare arrangements until the day before (and you are the bride's sister), then they probably didn't either. That being the case, why should they just fall into line with your sister's orders? They should have been given a fair choice too.

I would not leave my dc with a person I had never met - being CRB checked only means that they have no convictions, it doesn't guarantee safe childcare. The last party I went to had a seriously creepy entertainer - there is no way he'd have been left with my children.

Ishoes, plenty of kids go through a clingy phase - they grow out of it. They should be able to rely on the comfort of their parents when they are little and distressed. You sound like a horrible mother.

Karmabeliever - I really hope karma swings right back at you for calling someone else a horrible mother!

Everybody parents differently and is entitled to do so without being made out to be a bad mother.