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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want my children to be with me at my sisters wedding.

168 replies

themaltbycrew · 25/05/2012 19:59

My sister is getting married 2moro and is being VERY bridezilla. She has just told me that there is no room for children during the sit down meal. They will be with a childrens entertainer in a separate room!!

This doesnt sit well with me at all. Ive not met this entertainer, so they are a stranger to me and my children. plus being in another room where I wont be able to even see them. My youngest is only 22months and very clingy.
She will scream. Ive told my sister this and she said its not debateable.

Am I unreasonable for hating this idea. My older two will be ok as they are 7 and 5 and it can be explained to them, but the baby just wont understand...

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 25/05/2012 20:59

It seems a mountain out of a molehill. At our wedding we had one after the meal and said that those who would prefer could have the entertainer- they all chose the entertainer and one father went with them.

exoticfruits · 25/05/2012 21:00

Judging by the photos they all had a great time.

Maryz · 25/05/2012 21:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

r3dh3d · 25/05/2012 21:02

Well, it's definitely weird that the event is tomorrow and this is the first that you've heard of it. Weird and not a good way to handle it.

But she is entirely within her rights to ask your kids to be occupied by a kid-friendly entertainer that she has hired, at her expense, for the boring kid-hostile part of the reception. Possibly she is thinking that if your kids get to sit on your lap and yabber through the meal, that will get her kids wanting to do the same thing - which is a bit of a different proposition for the bride.

It's one day. And it's not your day, it's hers. It's not your wedding, it's hers. As long as the person looking after them is CRB checked etc. I really don't see your problem. If you're all that bothered, you can duck out during the meal and check they are OK. I'm sure they will be.

MerylStrop · 25/05/2012 21:02

Are yours and hers the only kids? Or are there others?

I bet you ANY MONEY that half of the kids will end up in and out of the main reception room throughout proceedings, as will loads of the parents. And there won't be a single thing Bridezilla can do about it.

If your DD ends up sitting on your knee through the speeches, it won;t be the end of the world.

That said, my kids who are a similar age would love a kids room with an entertainer, they lap that stuff up, and my littlest would tag along with them. Couldn't promise they would stay away for HOURs. Your kids might surprise you.

Bunbaker · 25/05/2012 21:18

"Yes I would leave my kids crying-I dont do clingon kids Im afraid-kids get over it very quickly and if they come back at 18 and tell me how I have damaged themhmm....oh well"

Wow Shock That takes detachment parenting to a new level. I could never be that detached from DD. How do you manage not to feel your children's distress?

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 25/05/2012 21:19

"Yes I would leave my kids crying-I dont do clingon kids Im afraid-kids get over it very quickly and if they come back at 18 and tell me how I have damaged themhmm....oh well"

Quote of the day that is for me.

accountantsrule · 25/05/2012 21:21

My kids aren't clingy or anything and I have always been ok with leaving them with parents or friends to look after but I would not have left them at 22 mths in another room at a wedding with an entertainer. I would have struggled at 4 to be honest unless it was properly supervised childcare.

I don't leave my 4 year old at parties yet (I struggle with my 6 yr old but we take turns in one of the mums staying to look after a number of the kids). They would both be ok without me but definitely under 4 they are not responsible enough to be left with just an entertainer IMO.

COCKadoodledooo · 25/05/2012 21:25

I think your sister thinks she's done this for the best. Formal dining and endless speeches will be terribly dull for the children, so she's arranged something nice. Yes, it might have been nice if she'd given you more notice (though it could have been worse - you could have found out by looking at the table plan tomorrow), but really I think you have to suck it up. If your little one is unsettled then go sit with them. But don't automatically assume she will be.

Turniphead1 · 25/05/2012 21:25

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Noqontrol · 25/05/2012 21:33

Crikey what a shite plan turnip head. As if any childminder would want to take on that responsibility anyway!

ReindeerBollocks · 25/05/2012 21:37

I wouldn't leave a 22mo especially if they already didn't like strangers/new environments.

Just agree to your sister and then keep the baby with you, let the older two have fun and take stuff to entertain the young one whilst everyone else has dinner.

I think it is a great idea to hire an entertainer but it shouldnt be the case that all the children are banished, especially if some of them are so little.

ravenAK · 25/05/2012 21:41

My brother had a Playbus, fed the kids beforehand & then slung them aboard the 'bus whilst adults ate. It was fine (& dd1 was under two).

If it really won't work for your youngest, just do as you sugggested & slope off with her to the kids' room - more fun than boring speeches anyway.

skybluepearl · 25/05/2012 21:43

I would take her along to the entertainer for 10 mins, see if she settles and if not let her eat in the main function room with her on your lap. Just sneak her in though - don't make an issue out of it. At least you can say you tried but DD was too unhappy about staying with the kids.

MrsWembley · 25/05/2012 21:52

Agree with all who are telling you to just bring the toddler in with you and don't make a fuss. Chances are she won't notice and she'll look like such a cow if she's the one to play up.

I really don't understand child-free weddings, especially if the bride and/or close family members have DCs. When I (finally) get married the kids will be a third of the guest list! Yes, we'll have an entertainer, but they'll have complete freedom in the venue. Happy children, happy parents, happy guests, happy bride and groom.Smile

DontmindifIdo · 25/05/2012 21:55

I wouldn't take DD in if you know your Sister doesn't want DCs in there, it will cause bad feeling (and you just know your otherwise well behaved DC will have a meltdown to humilate you), but I'd miss the speeches and sit with the DCs in their room, don't speak to the bride, grab a member of staff and tell them you need to be served in the childrens room. (You probably won't be the only adult in there, even if others eat at their table, DH and I would probably 'tag team' sitting with DS, he's 30 months and isn't clingy, but I'd want to be sure, esp if there weren't enough childcare professionals)

Of course, I'd assume she'd only left it to the day before to tell you because she knows you'd not be happy with this arrangment, with notice, you'd either arrange for a babysitter (and she'd get it in the neck from family for not making your DCs welcome/she'd not have them in her photos looking pretty and 'family'), or you'd start discussing with other family and she'd get 'this is a stupid idea' told to her by everyone - this way it's too late for that unplesantness and she's hoping everyone will just have to lump it. She's also banking on the fact that this close to the wedding, you're not going to pull out of going (which if she'd pissed you off 3 months ago, you might have done).

DontmindifIdo · 25/05/2012 22:00

Oh, and while your Sister might not make a fuss at the time if you take DD in to the adult room, she's your sister, you will be hearing about it... if you chose not to go into the main room for the speeches because you were looking after your DD who your Sister didn't want in the room, she can hardly complain (and if she does you can smile sweetly and say "I thought it was best to look after her outside while she had her meltdown, it would have ruined the best man speech if she was screaming all the way through it, and it would be mean to the other children to have her ruin the enterainers show.")

squeakytoy · 25/05/2012 22:00

I bet your sister has known about this for a while, but chose not to tell you because she knew you would get in a state about it.

She probably thinks it would be nice for you (and all the other adult guests) to enjoy a meal without screaming children.

exoticfruits · 25/05/2012 22:00

I don't think that I told many people in advance. It was just an option that was better than boring speeches for children. They all took it- it was merely an option.

exoticfruits · 25/05/2012 22:01

They were actually relations and friends who trusted me- I didn't have strangers who thought me dodgy!

Blatherskite · 25/05/2012 22:07

There's no way I'd leave DD at something like this and she's 2.5. She'd scream.

Surely it can't be 1 entertainer to look after lots of children alone anyway? Isn't there a maximum number 1 person can look after?

exoticfruits · 25/05/2012 22:12

You are all making a tremendous fuss! If you are not happy ( I didn't have any so young at mine) then keep her with you - no need to discuss it first.

CaliforniaLeaving · 25/05/2012 22:23

So don't the kids get fed?
I'd take the little one in with me and put her on my lap or in the pushchair.

lazilou · 25/05/2012 22:24

isnt he supposed to be entertaining the kids, not looking after them

presumably if they run out of the room or wee themselves or whatever, he will carry on entertaining

Pandemoniaa · 25/05/2012 23:02

It's one day. And it's not your day, it's hers. It's not your wedding, it's hers

That's all fine and dandy. But perhaps best not to invite any guests at all then if their comfort and enjoyment of the day is not required on the voyage.