to want my children to be with me at my sisters wedding.

[themaltbycrew]

My sister is getting married 2moro and is being VERY bridezilla. She has just told me that there is no room for children during the sit down meal. They will be with a childrens entertainer in a separate room!!

This doesnt sit well with me at all. Ive not met this entertainer, so they are a stranger to me and my children. plus being in another room where I wont be able to even see them. My youngest is only 22months and very clingy.
She will scream. Ive told my sister this and she said its not debateable.

Am I unreasonable for hating this idea. My older two will be ok as they are 7 and 5 and it can be explained to them, but the baby just wont understand...

OP can we have an update on Sunday Please?

I reckon they will have busted out within the hour & your sister wont even care. (If she has had enough Champagne)

I wouldn't leave my 2.5 year old watching an entertainer while I fucked off to eat in another room.

What's expected of an entertainer if the child runs off/wees/screams etc?

Ah, stuff your sister. Keep your DD with you - your sister will be too busy to notice. And if she does, just take your meal and flounce out to enjoy the entertainer with your DD.

Although this might not be the soundest advice I've ever given - I have no siblings and have been sampling wine so you might be better off ignornign me.

I just want to be a fly on the wall when the entertainer demands your sister gets someone in to actually look after the kids! It seems your sister is confusing "entertainer" with "nanny"!

I wouldnt leave a not 2 year old in that situation.

Turniphead I wonder if they changed it when the realised that there was no childminder/nanny/babysitter on earth who would be prepared to do that!

children even at 22 mths are inquisitive little beings and i can imagine if alot of children are going into a room with an entertainer..your littlest will follow the other children and lap up the entertainment....even just for a little while

if i was in your position i would at least try it, your sister has tried to make an effort for the children on her wedding day....if your dc gets upset i would go in there with her....but i would not ignore her request for no children during the meal....

i also believe when 2 ppl get married, the arrangements are made to satisfy both parties....you would never know whether the groom didnt want any children there and this was seen as a compromise to the bride or vice versa....

i am also not anti or pro children at a wedding...i think this decision is entirely down to the bride and groom and what they want and i fully respect their decisons...

also the bridezilla comment....this is your sister, whatever your problems are this is her big day...i just detect something a bit deeper going on here than being told about a childrens entertainer the day before her wedding day..maybe i am wrong but i detect resentment towards her from you

Odd arrangement and very off she has just announced it.

If someone wants a child free wedding, great (o'er intend to do just that) but to ask people's kids and then hive them off with a children's entertainer is just plain bizarre.

At this late stage I'd either not go (if you think the consequences wouldn't be too dire) or go without the kids, if it is possible.

You are all very odd! We had lots of DCs at our wedding, far more than normal. They were all excellent but they had the long bit in church and then the meal so rather than make them sit quietly through speeches we did something for them. They had the choice of going next door to a magician - most of them chose that option- I certainly would as a child. It wasn't 'bridezilla' - it was something for my DS, I wanted it to be nice for him too. It worked well.
If you don't like it simply keep your DC with you.

Is anyone else feeling very, very sorry for the poor entertainer?

Every entertainer I've booked (for school) has always stated there must be a minimum of 2 other adults in the room to be responsible for childcare. Seems sensible to me. Maybe the bride has other adults in there too. clutching at straws

Detached parent?-I am not entirely sure what that means but I dont believe in giving in to a childs every whims. For example I dont co sleep and I dont hold with any nonsense at bed time-the dcs know when its bed time they get a story or some songs and a kiss and then its night night time.

Does that make me a detached parent?-if so then I can only think its works as all my dcs have slept through the night from a few months old.

Does the op child not attend any nursery/playgroup/toddler sessions etc?-surely she must be used to being away from her for brief periods?-I am sure that 30 minutes-if they can be entertained for that long will do her no lasting damage and means the adults can enjoy their meal in peace.

The other alternative is simple- go through with the DCs.

Luckily we got married before you had a lot of rules and no one thought twice about it. The entertainer was good with DCs and they all behaved well.

Just go with the flow and when the time comes send the older ones on they'll have a better time weddings are boring. Keep the baba. Don't ask just do, she's ur sister like to see my sister tell me to put my baby in another room just smile and carry on YANBU

Do you think your sister is worried that your wee one will spend the meal screaming, if she screams at the sight of a stranger? Could you reassure your sister that you'd take her out if she was crying during the meal or the speeches?

I was at a wedding three weeks ago, and no-one could hear the speeches due to a child (close relative of the bride) screeching. It was pretty awful

At a wedding I went to last year the kids went to another room with an entertainer for the speeches bit and then came back in to have their meal - it worked really well. However - DD2 (who as about 20 months at the time stayed with us the whole time - she was just too wee to leave with strangers. DD1 had a great time though

Excuse me whilst I just climb up onto my soapbox......
Why is it that when you're a guest at any wedding, especially a close family wedding, that if you have kids..... You become second class citizens!!!!!!

Rarrrrrrrrggggghhhhhh!

My adoptive Mother got married two years ago.... All of us with kids, all the bride and grooms children, we were stuck in a tiny room 'seperate' from the main room. The bride and groom and all this friends had a fantastic time in the main room, whilst we were struggling to hear the speeches and see anything.
I suppose I should count ourselves lucky that we were all together, but just didn't feel part of the wedding day at all.

We have another family wedding three hours away soon, and no kids are invited. We have no one we can ask to have the kids for us and have looked into daycare at local nursery and it's £300 for the afternoon!
My gut feeling is, with a close family wedding.... don't invite my kids, you obviously arent bothered about my kids... We come together as a family. So, sorry, we can't come. I feel quite stressed about this looming wedding. And as much as I don't want fall outs or to rock the boat, I'm upset that we have been put in this situation.
Op... I think you've been given some great advise, especially to just bring your little one on your lap as she hasn't settled.
I hope you have a lovely day tomorrow. X

I am very relived that my friends and family realised that we were giving the DCs a treat for their benefit!

I am constantly and seriously agog at the large numbers of people who in all seriousness think their "special day" is an excuse to be unreasonable, dictatorial, immature and selfish. It is a wedding day, it is meant to be a celebration of the marriage and to be honest I do think how people behave about their weddings demonstrate the kind of person they are and set some standards for their marriage.

People who think children ruin a wedding and the adults need protecting from them are nasty. Children are vulnerable and dependent members of our society. If you think they do not know that people are treating them as second class citizens are deluded.

People have the right to choose what their wedding is, I wouldn't choose to have friends that excluded and discriminated against children as a group which I feel is a real problem in society. With family I would expect that they respect my parenting choices and they can do that in a number of ways; letting me know the kind of wedding they wanted (without children) from the outset or the arrangements for children on the day as soon as possible so that I was able to make a compromise that maintained both of our contrary views.

It is really unreasonable to give such short notice and it means that you will be forced into prioritising the welfare of your children over what she wants you to do.

In this situation it is important to try not to escalate it by getting angry and punishing her. I would feel extremely uncomfortable about leaving my young children in a strange place, a separate room with only a stranger who was working as an entertainer and not a childcare provider. What is the entertainer going to do if one child runs off trying to find their parents? What if they all go mad and he can't control them? How is he going to do both jobs at the same time? What if the children start fighting or the bigger ones pick up the babies and twiz them round? I would feel uncomfortable leaving my children with a random stranger even if they were there in a childcare capacity - I choose my childcare provider very carefully because it is about more than just qualifications and crb checks.

In this situation I would concede that the older ones would probably be fine although I'd be worried about them being left unsupervised with other people's small children and I wouldn't want them left for a long period (entertainment and food). There is no chance that I would leave the 22month old. I would have offered sis some options:

1. You keep small one with you during entertainment and send the bigger ones through and then go and sit with them to eat all together.
2. You go through with the children for the duration (be prepared to not eat yourself)
3. You all come but leave before the children have to be taken off.
4. You get DH to take the children home when they are not welcome
5. Your DH stays home with the children all day and you perhaps go for a short time.

What a fuss!
I got married whenDS was 7 yrs old. It was his day too and a big celebration with masses of DCs- probably half the guests.
They were brilliant, but it is largely boring for them. They did the church, they did the standing around with drinks and they did the meal - they deserved a treat and so there was an entertainer rather than speeches- if they wished. They did wish.
I have yet to meet a 7 yr old who would prefer adult speeches to a magician!
If you don't want to send your DC don't.

Exotic - I think there is a world of difference between providing an optional entertainer for the children (and as it turned out some of the adults ) as we and you did, and providing a mandatory entertainer because you are being precious about children ruining your "special day".

If she defies an order like this it will be harsh on the sis who clearly has strong feelings about how she wants her wedding to be, it will also open the doors to other children staying where they are not welcome and the sis may feel the op ruined her wedding by being unreasonably clingy to her children (in her mind).

If the entertainer is the mandatory kind and the sis is precious about the wedding the OP will have to make a compromise of some kind that protects her children and family and doesn't look like sabotaging the sis's ideas about her wedding I think. Sadly people do spend a lot of time falling out about weddings and bearing grudges after and since weddings are partially about joint of families it is a really silly thing for families to fall out about I think.

This is bonkers! She's hired an entertainer, not Freddy Kruger.

Agent might be on to something. It is not usual for children to scream when visitors come to their home.

I don't think OP likes her sister v.much tbh, all this talk of her palming her children off with randomers...

Surely an Entertainer is just that....to entertain....not to provide childcare. I thought usually adults loitered while their DCs watched the entertainer?

A 22 month old needs proper supervision. This does not come from a clown impersonator or the LOs bors and sisters.

Your sis is DBVU for springing this on you the day before.