to want my children to be with me at my sisters wedding.

[themaltbycrew]

My sister is getting married 2moro and is being VERY bridezilla. She has just told me that there is no room for children during the sit down meal. They will be with a childrens entertainer in a separate room!!

This doesnt sit well with me at all. Ive not met this entertainer, so they are a stranger to me and my children. plus being in another room where I wont be able to even see them. My youngest is only 22months and very clingy.
She will scream. Ive told my sister this and she said its not debateable.

Am I unreasonable for hating this idea. My older two will be ok as they are 7 and 5 and it can be explained to them, but the baby just wont understand...

Thank god I'm not the only person to think it's not usual for a child to scream when a visitor comes to the home. I was beginning to wonder if my friends, family and I all had exceptionally well-behaved children.

I don't think EBD was referring to the child not liking an entertainer but to another poster's comment about clingy children full stop.

I was only talking to Ishoes who comes across as pretty emotionally unresponsive to me. I may have been a little harsh to her but I didn't like to see her attitude being doled out as parenting advice.

It was an aside- nothing to do with the OP- my apologies for that. No, I do not think a few minutes with an entertainer at a wedding would be a problem (although I wouldn't leave my DS- I would stay with him TBH). Never responding to a child who is worried/ frightened/ upset to teach them not to be 'clingy' I think is a problem- yes.

I know plenty about neurocognitive development and the issues that affect it. Thanks for asking.

Can't wait to see how child entertainer deals with demands for potty, nappy changes and/or feeding children at the same time as making balloon animals (or whatever).... that's what I call multi tasking.

Depending on how many kids there are, don't sweat it, have older kids enjoy the entertainment, and keep younger one with you (on lap, in pram whatever). Hopefully sister will be too busy being beautiful and admired by all to care.

HereIGo, EBD was referring to Ishoes, who dared to say that (I paraphrase here) she wouldn't pander to the screaming and that a child would get over it soon enough.

I'm another who wonders whether the entertainer is aware that he/she is being used as single-handed childcare for a large number of totally unaccompanied children including under-2s (assuming sister means an entertainer -- she may just mean nursery nurse and she may have more than one, I suppose). In a childcare environment you'd be expected to have 1 carer to 3 children in that age group.

OP, no one is going to mind if you wind up in the children's room or, frankly, if you have your smallest DC with you.

You should start a little smug club then eternallysurprised with your exceptionally well behaved children. Oh wait, you already have

Have a Noq.

"You should start a little smug club then eternallysurprised with your exceptionally well behaved children. Oh wait, you already have"

That post smacks either lack of comprehensionof the concept of self-depreciating humour or of spiteful immaturity, Noqontrol. Either way it says more about you than it does about me.

^My children are with me or
their dad when they are not in school^

Op, so does that mean no playing over at friends' houses? No Beavers? No clubs?

I appreciate that they're still young, and 5 is still little, but when were you thinking of letting have some fun away from mum and dad?

exoticfruits your day sounds lovely but you've said several times, going into the other room to watch the entertainer was optional.

That's not the case here according to the OP, her sister has said that all the children must go to the entertainer and that it is not debatable. Very different to your arrangements. That's what the OP and many others have a problem with.

I agree with the people who have said an entertainer is very different to a babysitter. He or she will not be stopping the act to help or comfort children or follow them about if they leave the room.

Which may not be through a door which adjoins the one the OP is eating in, so potentially young children could be wandering about the venue unsupervised and without their parents having any idea they were not still with the entertainer in the other room.

DS is just three and would probably be quite happy without me, but if they are eating while they watch the entertainer his is still prone to spilling juice or dropping food, if he hurts himself he still cries and wants a hug and he is going through a bit of an accident prone bumped head stage, and if he were dressed up for a wedding he might struggle to get his trousers down for the toilet (which he wouldn't be able to find on his own in a strange hotel/wedding venue and would need someone to take him.

So for those reasons, I wouldn't be happy about leaving him alone and would either want to stay with him or I would be up and down all through the meal and speeches to make sure he was alright and not in need of anything.

The children at our wedding stayed with their parents and had their meal with the rest of the wedding party. To counteract the boredom we gave every child who was invited a gift bag of toys, books and colouring things to keep them occupied and they all had balloons on their chairs. They weren't any trouble and even the bit on the wedding video when you can clearly hear my nephew saying "Look! It's got a boot and it opens!" as he discovers his toy car if funny rather than annoying.

I'd have preferred that over a video filled with parents getting up and down to check on the children or the children running in and out because they needed to go to the toilet or had spilled something or were upset or scared or whatever. OP I think that will be a flaw in the plan for your sister, it's not going to be out of sight and out of mind for parents or children.

I agree that it is different- but it isn't a stranger, it is her sister. If it was my sibling I would just tell them that itvwasn't suitable. Families should be able to be blunt in a friendly way.

YANBU at all , tell your sister that your 22 mth old will sit on your lap and if he/ she disturbs you will remove the 'offending ' article straight away. If your 5&7 yr old are happy then thats great ... I wouldn't leave my 22mth old in the care of an 'entertainer' .. I might participate with my 22mth old a bit if he/she is bored...or take turns with my DH ... Stupid Bridezilla.....

Stick her on your lap, it's insane that people think their wedding day is a good reason to dictate what people do with their own children.

In Japan they call it 'hitomishiri' where a small child goes through a phase of being scared of strangers. It's considered a normal part of development and at my daughters recent health check I was asked many questions such as at what age she sat up unaided, what age she stood up by herself and at what age she became scared of strangers. I don't know what it is called in the UK but it is well recognized and considered totally normal here.

Anyway, I think it sounds like your sister is making a point and that's quite mean. I would either ask her straight out about background checks, number of adult to children ratios, nappy changes etc because it's quite likely she hasn't thought of it at all. Or just leave it and wait for the inevitable chaos tomorrow where you can sit back smugly with an air of 'I told you so'.

When you got married you had your wedding day the way you wanted,with or without children .Your Sister would like her wedding day the way she wants it.
So now you have children you want to dictate the way she should have hers.

Stiefel, but surely when you host a wedding party you host it? All your loved ones turn out to see you say your vows, and then you host a party in honour of the occasion.

To me that means that you make an effort to see that your guests are happy and comfortable, fed, watered and entertained. It is your day, it is your occasion, but you have to be accommodating! I do not understand this whole Bridezilla thing.

Yes she is hosting her wedding and providing an entertainer for the children.i can't understand that once you have children you become more important than the bride and groom and all the other guests .to have a meal in peace is surely not to much to ask for,if the children are around for the rest of the day.

What is so dreadful about having a meal with a two year old sitting there? She has provided entertainment, but it is not appropriate for such a small child and her sister is not comfortable with it. So the child should stay with the mother and father. The child is another guest. So it shouldn't be shoved away in a corner if it's not happy about it.

How did it go OP

"So the child should stay with the mother and father."

I suggested that waaaay upthread. Either one of them can go into the entertainment room with their child. What's the problem?