To Purposely go against MIL (stubborn or not?)

[CharlieBitMe]

I am due to move in with DP in 3 weeks time. His parents live in the next street and his mother has been used to be being a massive part in his life since he left home. I'm finding her so overwhelming and in my face. She says things like "when you move up here, Dr C* will be your doctor (how does she know I'll be changing doctors? I'm quite happy with mine thanks!) and Lizzy Lee will be your hairdresser (errr really??) and Joes across the street is where we get our fruit and veg and (said almost in threatening tone) have done for years , we'll pop in every saturday morning for a tea like we always have ........." and on it goes. She reminds me of a dog pissing all over her territory to remind me of who it belongs to. I don't want to change my doctor. I don't want to use Smoking, mucky lizzy as my hair dresser and I want to continue getting my fruit and veg from Asda.

It all got a much this morning when she suggested to DP that he continue to pay his "bill money" into her account so she can keep on paying his bills and she would continue to collect the £50 a month didlum money!! Its ridiculous. Its almost making me not want to move in.

DP just agrees with me and then says "but you know what she's like" as if I have to just put up with it.

AIBU to go against all her wishes cos im a stubborn cow to let her know I'll be making my own choices and decisions?

She's already chosen next years holiday for us (as they always holiday together apparently). The woman's a bloody nightmare already.

And so not to drip feed - his father brings it upon himself to come down and wash our paintwork and paint our fence etc without asking as if it's his 'job'.

Am I being unfair? I know it's what they're used to but I can't live like this!

God OP you have just saved yourself a WHOLE lot of stress in future. Well done, you will not regret your decision. My ex MIL was the stuff of nightmares and ex H and FIL treated her like the fucking Queen too. It was ALL about control over her son (and me) and it was hideous. Anytime there was the slightest hint of things not going her way she would pretend to faint, pretend to burn herself, pretend to fall down stairs ANYTHING that would make them obey her. The worst was when DH and I decided that we would be going on holiday on our own and not with them so she promptly went outside and drove her car into the front wall. As DH and FIL were fussing around her she actually winked at me. That was that for me.

Megatron

When you told XH she winked at you - doubtless he insisted you were mistaken?

No she didn't say I was mistaken Josie, she said I was lying! I have never met another person like her in my life. This was twenty years ago and he has been married another 3 times since. He's such a nice man, just a wuss when it comes to his mother.

Sorry, you asked about XH, oh yes he thought I was seeing things!

Good grief... he must think he's been really unlucky - four wives who are all constantly mistaken and having hallucinations. Really, what are the odds?

OMG Megatron! That's amazing!

Well she passed away late last year, which was obviously very sad for them but I do think that perhaps this last marriage will last. I don't mean that unpleasantly, I genuinely think that she had a very negative effect on ex H's life and his relationships.

"I do think that perhaps this last marriage will last"
Hmm, well, the MIL might no longer be on the scene but your ex is still spineless.

only on page 4, just thought I would share my similar experience

Before DP and i got together, his mum and dad did his washing,ironing, shopping, cleaning, and wait for it made his lunch for him everyday and dropped it off for him. His dad came round EVERYDAY!!! to watch football and drop stuff off.

Before we got engaged, i did a trial of 2 weeks living together, but before i even did that i put things in place to let him know what was expected, as in get a washing machine, buying own food, not ding food, but food you can actually cook.

His parents did not take it well, constantly trying to "help" always asking how is he getting on with doing his washing by himself.
Constantly showing concern that he would burn down the house if he was cooking

When we had had a new bed delivered, i thought it would be a good bonding session for his dad to help build it when i was out at work. That part was ok, but the fact he then took the washing basket, after being asked not to, and took MY FUCKING CLOTHES! away and washed them. Sounds petty, but they kept saying, we will just help until you get on your feet

I having been washing my own clothes since i was 14, don't need help now!

So a year on, they don't come round unless invited, the spare keys for the cars are in our house,All his filing is in our house. (wasn't before) DP can cook, clean, do washing, always does the dishes, Can go to the shops with a list and come back with everything on it. he visits once a week, i join him occasionally.

If they try and make him feel like a kid or try and pass un wanted opinions or advice, he calls them on it.

So it can get better, But your DP has to want it.

Hmm, well, the MIL might no longer be on the scene but your ex is still spineless.

Yep, this is true.

pussycat wow, very commendable but I bet his parents hate you for it

dizzy

Apparently they don't, They think i hate them thou.

took them a while to work out, that we work things out together and don't have to ask their opinion on things.

STBFIL took it the worst i think, took his place to hang around away from him and his football pal. So we bought him a laptop and gave him the code to get sky go on it. he seems happy with that.

Pussy oh you are good, I'm very impressed! You should write a book!

Dh was like this when we first got together. Had his own house, but went to his parents for tea every day, his mum did his washing and ironing. They had keys to our house and would let themselves in whenever they liked, whether we were there or not.
The best one was when I came home from the shops to find pils showing my neighbour around MY house!!!
Fil would go ballistic if you said anything to him, so I just used to bolt the door and deadlock it so he couldn't get in. Dh and I had endless rows about it, because his dad was so unreasonable it would have caused ructions to stop him.

omg Celia that is unbelievable!! What did you say to them?

Dh's Mum smiled nervously and made conversation with me to suss out the extent of my rage. Fil blithely carried on as if I wasn't there. I think he was immensely proud of what dh and I achieved and wanted to show it off.
They're both dead now so I can say it with affection, but I could happily have kicked his arse at the time (God rest his soul ).