to ask if you smack your children?

[toofattorun]

I am not talking beating! Just a smack on the hand or bum when they are being very rude or naughty.

Why is it either smacking or the naughty step?

I live in a flat, so don't even have a step, yet I have always managed to not smack.

Also, my eldest DS was a complete nightmare when taking medication. He would kick, bite, fight etc and yet again, no smacking came from me or DP. If that makes me smug for not doing things to my DS which I don't agree with, then so be it.

I was hit, threatened etc as a child and was so petrified, I swore I would never allow for my child to have a reason to fear me. I don't see why that is deemed as being smug personally.

Also, just thought - I'm sure in the past nurses would have smacked or pried open a mouth.
I remember being anaesthetised for some surgery in 1986. They used gas and as I felt it working I panicked and tried to remove the mask. My hands were roughly grabbed and I heard a contemptuous "Oh shut up!" just as I went under. All I did was move my hands and try to say I was scared.

aitch putting what words in whose mouths?
I was a child care professional before I had kids so I do base a lot of my parenting on my experience of best practice. My training on behaviour management for children with severe learning difficulties has come in very handy. Of course there are trends - based on constantly updated research and evidence.

No. I don't hit dh (or any other adults) when they do something I don't want them to do so I wouldn't hit my children simply because they are smaller than me.

I general, we're hoping to teach them violence is unacceptable regardless of how pisses off you are with someone.

Do parents who hit mind if a teacher/ childcare provider also hits their children then?

Naturalbaby, your training sounds great, but unfortunately it's beyond what most parents have had, or even have access to outside of your particular professions. most of us just muddle along with a mixture of what our parents did, a few tips from the media and the results of the research you mentioned.

i've seen SOOOO many harassed mothers in baby groups trying to discipline children with these methods (not smacking, the other ones) and in fact what i think they should be doing is chilling out and letting their kids tear about because they are absolutely in the place to do it.

it's almost like they've swallowed so hard on the book that says 'smacking is evil' that they over-use all these other methods and so are forever threatening their kids with consequences when they should just leave them alone and let them have some fun. a neurotic mother is a neurotic mother, not great for a kid regardless of how her neurosis leaks out.

Yup, my training was great but it hasn't really helped me deal with 3 very demanding and noisy small boys and a ton of housework all by myself! There are plenty of good books to help parents understand their children's behaviour and work out the best way to deal with each child. (I have a shelf full of half read parenting books in and effort to try and get through to my 2yr old!)

Hah....I have a friend who doesn't like her son to run around in the park.

Tru' dat.
Apparently DS is a bit of a bad influence because he runs around and her DS tries to follow him. I mean running around, not running off.

we have to get past the medication thing. no-one is smacking their kids to take medication. no one is beating their children, either.

i think the short, sharp, shock of a smack can be excellent for jolting smaller kids out of that hideous tantrumming loop (before then offering them some space to breathe, and a hug). however, personally i've found that clapping does much the same job.

Interesting discussion, guys, and with scarcely any raised voices (not even mine!). I'm off to bed now, goodnight all.

well we're not really talking about a sleep deprived mother trying to stop their 15month old poking another baby in the eye out of curiosity, or to sit 'nicely' at the table for a drink and snack.

The difficulty with natural consequences is that when children are small they have the attention span of fruit flies. They are impulsive so need instant consequences. Delayed consequences dont just cut the mustard.

What works for one child doesnt work for another IME. We never used a naughty step for ours but equally would send DS to his room (full of toys and things to do) when he needed to have a break from human input and needed time to regain his equilibrium.

I have smacked my children in the past. Only rarely, and when nothing else has worked. The naughty step doesn't work, and I can't always remove priviledges. Ie if DS1 has a TV ban, then DS2 also has to have one, which isn't fair imo.
My Mum was a 'smacker' my Dad was a 'shouter' I definately preferred her discipline, Dad was scary!

? naturalbaby? what are you talking about, i genuinely don't understand.

"no-one is smacking their kids to take medication." I think you'll find one poster has said they did.
If you think it's o.k to smack a tantruming toddler then that's your decision. I don't see how a toddler having a tantrum because they are tired/hungry/confused needs a smack to help them understand. .

No never. It was illegal for me to do it as a CM. Why should I do it as a parent?!

I give up trying to re explain my point, is it really that confusing to point out that I don't think there is ever a good reason to smack?
and so to bed.

did you see what i wrote, naturalbaby? that a clap works just as well...

CailinDana you yourself are making a false dichotomy. There is another way altogether, rather than the whole idea of punishment.

I recommend Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn, it's backed up by a wealth of scientific studies (and a hell of a lot nicer way to treat your children!).

www.amazon.co.uk/Unconditional-Parenting-Moving-Rewards-Punishments/dp/0743487486

And no, I don't and wouldn't smack. Or time-out, or shout (other than in dangerous circumstances as a warning) etc.

yes, i did see what you wrote. A clap is a distraction and one of several options for dealing with a tantrum, a smack should not be one of them. I think we're trying to prove the same point but going about it the wrong way.

and the poster below said that she didn't smack her as a punishment, but to shock her into swallowing. best practice for doctors a few years ago was to pinch their cheeks to do the same. not advocating that either, but the idea that a child who is smacked will automatically fear their parents etc etc etc is just so insulting to the many very, very good parents whose children loved them all through history despite their having smacked them occasionally.

oh i do like a bit of alfie kohn....

a smack is a smack, it doesn't matter to me what the reason is. I don't believe that it is ever necessary or justified to smack a child, that is my point.

My autistic daughter also used to refuse to swallow medicine. We used to have to use a big plastic syringe and squirt it down her throat so she had no choice but to swallow. Like we still do with the cat :o

yeah, and i think that's what i take issue with. it's such a mindlessly simplistic line, in a world where the continuing sadism of time out and naughty steps is somehow okay and a quick skelp on the arse followed by a cuddle is not.