to ask if you smack your children?

[toofattorun]

I am not talking beating! Just a smack on the hand or bum when they are being very rude or naughty.

I have no comprehension of why or how any parent could justify it, no matter how extreme a child's behaviour. A child care professional wouldn't smack, and neither would a nurser in hospital, so why should the parent? It's not the child's fault she needed antibiotics, why on earth did she need a smack to force her to take it?? I used to work with children with severe learning difficulties, most needed to take medication several times a day, very often at least one refused to take it and we never resorted to smacking the kids to get them to take medication.

No. I dream of it, though. Seriously, I am tempted on an almost daily basis to lamp one of my kids (I have a fiery temper, and was raised by a smacker). But I have managed to control the impulse so far, and now they're at an age where they would be OUTRAGED if I did. The oldest would probably call Childline. I'm certain she would tell her teachers.

I don't think less of mothers who have done it once or twice, perhaps because I've been tempted so often myself. But yes, I do judge those who smack frequently and callously. Like the hideous mother and grandmother in the supermarket yesterday, whose little girl trailed after them weeping bitterly and begging to be cuddled all the way round. She cried for the full 20 minutes I was in there, and when they weren't ignoring her they were smacking her or telling her to shut up.

So no, I don't think you should feel guilty for slipping up a couple of times. For me, with my temper, I know it's something I can't let myself do even once. It would put me on a slippery slope leading right down to Ghastly Woman in Supermarket.

Heh heh, Startail.
DD is just unbelievable.....
The simple answer is that your child may not cooperate at all for a while and you'll have to work around that while making sure that s/he knows there are/will be consequences. Nag those consequences into him/her.
That's what I do...."Remember, DD, you're not going swimming tomorrow because......" "You'd be going swimming now, but you....."
Seems to work with them, because we're seeing real forward-thought and planning from DS (5) and retrospective understanding from DD (3).

But then I am a phenomenal nagger!

Caplin because appalling behaviour is more acceptable in our crazy PC world

It's better to let your DC riot, bully and ruin things for other children than be seen even to raise your voice.

Any kind of public discipline is failure

because I've seen nice DCs in real trouble with the HT because their MC parents couldn't loose face.

cailin Punishments should always be something you're not bothered about dishing out any time, anywhere if needs be. Honestly? If my ds went to do something dangerous then yes, I probably would. And if someone wanted to report me; go ahead.

what parent would smack a child into taking medication, naturalbaby?

Yes, when they were small and couldnt be reasoned with. OTOH never had a naughty step.

DCs are now much older (teens & a proto teen). They are all very nice people. They arent frightened to express opinions but they are all courteous to us, each other and others.

We all find our own way through.

Again, I reiterate - you can't smack an adult into cooperating with you, so why should it be okay to do it to a child?? If said child then smacks their younger sibling/friend because they won't do as they're asked, is that then okay?

no why would i want to hurt my ds or make him fear me

there is never an excuse to smack children it is always wrong and lacks respect for their feelings

Thanks Aitch :o Made that up myself too! Didn't like naughty step.

so how does a naughty step respect their feelings? can anyone really explain that sanction? i've only ever seen HOWLING children on them, totally embarrassing and nasty imo, and always make me want to leave the person's house.

I didn't smack her because she needed antibiotics! I smacked her as it was the only way I found I could get her to take them at all. It shocked her for a second, which was enough, what with all the other more usual medicine administering techniques, to get her to swallow.

That time we were in hosp (asthma attack fwiw, she needed inhalers, oral steroids, paracetamol), when it was time for her to have her meds, all the available nursing staff were rounded up for lessons in how to administer meds to a resistant child. They tried their damnedest to get them into her (we had 5 nurses at one point, trying restraint, blowing in her face, stern talking etc), none of it worked.

Incidentally she used to put up the same level of resistance for tooth brushing. She has a couple if cavities, because I didn't think it was worth the whole brute force/smack routine for that.

She's grown out of this behaviour, now takes medicine, brushes teeth, etc. as required.

FWIW, I repeat, I've never smacked my youngest, he's never needed it.

Something thatdoesnt really add up for me, ive seen people hit their kids, i was hit as a child too and itis NEVER this measured, methodical, perfectly aimed 'smack' on a specifically designated area of the body (hear a l ot of bums and backs of legs or hands) whenever ive witnessed it, its id say 90% of the time a wild swipe in the general direction of the upper body - so head, face, shoulders, arms.
Its never measured, its never done in a cool, calm manner...its done with anger and a lack of control.

But of course, the plural of anecdote is not data.

Startail I would definitely discipline my son in public. How else would I teach him to interact with the wider world? If you use a discipline technique that you have to hide away in private then it's not going to be very effective. Plus if you can keep your children under control out in public without smacking then why not do that at home? Or is it the case that they run riot outdoors and are then smacked into behaving at home?

Unfortunately, I have two DDs and I can't cancel things without it being unfair and anyway why should I when they are paid for, I get to meet friends or use the petrol to shop.

DD will entertain herself quite happily if she doesn't go, all the while whinging and being vile to everyone else.

It's not worth it.

OOh, blimey - I'm not afraid to raise my voice in public! I'd prefer to do that any day than have people thinking I was one of the "Oh, don't do that, darling" brigade...you know, when the five-year-old darling is kicking a toddler in the head.

Bitter and annoyed a year later? Moi?

lol wheresmymilk, it's about the smuggest thing i've ever heard.

I haven't and wouldn't. It doesn't make any sense. I would hate ds to smack/hit anyone else, why would I teach him that it's sometimes ok? It doesn't work anyway, or it never did for me. Getting the "I'm so disappointed" speech was a much worse punishment. Or, the worst ever, being sat on a chair in the middle of the house and IGNORED.

I can completely understand why someone might just snap and give their child a smack when they are being totally obnoxious. But planning in advance that, as your routine method of discipline, you are going to hit your child when they do something wrong seems weird.

Agree about the naughty step Aitch.
Its a weird one, and a bit sinister imo...although thats just a vague feelig have never really thought about it in any depth.in a toss up between the two though, id rather see naughty step than hittinf.

Yes have smacked my elder daughter several times. The first time on the back of the hand when she was probably 2½. She is now 7. Younger daughter has never been smacked she is now 4.

Hmmmmm...bit of a handful, eh.
Are there other sanctions that interfere less? No magazines? Curtail TV?

Fab Aitch, this is my smug face now! :o

A few posters here have mentioned being smacked as kids. I was a few times (can only specifically recall two occasions) and I can also remember a few friends being smacked in front of me when I was little. So...did smacking become unacceptable/massively frowned upon in the last 20 years?

I don't think being smacked had any negative effect on me - I loved both my parents to bits, wasn't scared of either of them and am a total pansy not at all violent now - yet at the same time I balk at the thought of smacking a child now. It seems a bit counter intuitive somehow.

It really isn't he worst thing you can do. People saying they've never done it because you can't justify it are right, but come across as very smug. Like they'd never do something if it's not right. I think they're lying or self deluded.

this issue of control is bogus imo. no-one is fully in control in circumstances when they might smack... regardless of their disciplinary method. i've seen children dragged back and forth to naughty steps etc, infinitely more physically violent and out of control than a smack on the bottom.

(i'm saying this in defence of my parents, tbh, more than myself... i get bonkersly zen when my lot kick off badly. and they show great commitment, especially in public. they might get a flick on a grabby hand, that sort of thing, though. i hate grabby hands. )