to ask if you smack your children?

[toofattorun]

I am not talking beating! Just a smack on the hand or bum when they are being very rude or naughty.

I have never hit anyone, a child or an adult. It just is completely wrong to me. I wish that the UK would just ban it.

That said I agree with aitch on the hideous shiteness of the naughty step.

I think I can just sum up my parenting ethos as shouting 'Oi!' every so often. And hard stares.

No never hit or smacked anyone in my life. My children range from 24 to 9 so I've been parenting too long to contemplate ever smacking now.Of course they've been disobedient, ran into the road, touched things they shouldn't but never thought that a smack would teach them anything and now the majority are adults and all decent and law abiding.

I use my teacher voice and teacher stare
It works on Dh too

Me too hula a stern no is pretty effective here too and even the cats respond.

Have totally agreed with Cailin all the way through here.

I am lucky in some respects in that all 3 of my DC are, on the whole well behaved. We have conversations on their level as to what I expect. If their behaviour is not as it should be then they would get a warning with a natural consequence, eg, if you don't get dressed and ready then we will not be going to the cinema at the weekend for example.

DS1 in particular does not react well to any negatives or punishments-this makes him more defiant. We have had to work hard at this, and read some positive parenting books and use the techniques there. Lots of praise, stars etc, and truly the difference in him was amazing in a short space of time.

I really would never hit my children. My mother hit me, not beaten but regularly "smacked". Terrified me. Was always scared of her. I would hate for my DC to think of me that way. I want them to know I would always be there, and they would trust in that. I never did with my mother-and that's enough for me.

I have used the thinking corner, as they have got old enough, by asking them to think about there behaviour. Have taken myself off to it at times too to think if I am getting cross too :o

I need to learn these stares you know. They should have a manual of stares for each occasion.

Not yet but I might when they are older if I feel the need. I do not have complete responsibility for another adult and their possibly dangerous-to-themselves-and-others actions so I can't compare the two really.

Never, never, never. Never have and never will. My parents never laid a finger on me, DH's mum used to hit him and his siblings with a hairbrush - both DH and I are very anti-smacking. I wouldn't hit an adult, why on earth would I hit a child? Absolutly ludicrous. And for those people that usually trot out "So, how should I discipline my unruly/wilful child", well, I don't know, think of something else! I feel really, really strongly about this (can you tell )

Also, DH's relationship wiht his mum isn't that great. WHen they were older, he and his brother used to laugh at her when she hit them with the hairbrush (this was usually while she was screeching at them too), but he says when he was v young, he was just scared of her. I think she has reaped what she's sown there.

I haven't and wouldn't hit my child. Calling it smacking is just a way of sugar coating it, it's what parents who hit say to make it seem like they're not hitting.

I was hit as a child and I wouldn't put my DCs through that.

I also do not want my DCs to behave only because they fear me.

No, I've never hit my dog, my cat, my Dh and I certainly would never hit my children.

They are 18 and 21 now and are wonderful young women.

You do not need to hit your children in order for them to be kind, well behaved people who you can be proud of. You do not need to endlessly reason/cajole etc etc. You respect them, they respect you.

I do have sympathy for anyone who has lashed out, as a one off at the end of their teather. But to plan and think about hitting your children, I really do not understand that. And despite all the pages of explanations given on MN, I will never understand it.

DH and I decided right from the outset that we would never smack. Sometimes I have felt so cross that I could have walloped them - but I didn't, and I think that illustrates why it's wrong to smack: it's usually done in anger and is an adult losing control and taking it out on a child.

DSis and her DH do smack, and I cannot for the life of me work out how hitting a kid is supposed to teach them not to hit their brother

I admit I have on occassion smacked my DS. Only when he has repeatedly ignored my warnings of not to bully his little sister, not to hit/push/pinch/grab toys from her etc etc and when it has been going on for the whole day and I am at the end of my tether with frustration and anger. Yes I have lashed out. When I couldn't stand seeing my DD hurt yet again by DS.

Always made me feel like shite. Always. For days after.

I totally abhor smacking and I don't want to smack ever, it is not right in any sense, it doesn't work and little children don't deserve that. I need to take control of my anger. It is my issue.

If anyone could give me some tips on how to handle it when DS hurts DD, I would be so grateful. I even asked a HV, but she wasn't that helpful.

I know for sure that if I only had one DC, then I would have never smacked. There is just no need. I will never be that frustrated or stressed out like I am when looking after 2 DCs.

What consequence to his behaviour is there when he hurts his sister?

You mean what punishment I give him? Well I don't no naughty step. I just try to explain that he has done something wrong and not to do it again. I don't take away toys or anything. I would but, it makes my life harder as then I've got a tantrummy child, who will just cry and cry and that makes me stressed out too. I don't know, what punishment should I give him? I can't really send him to his room as we are out a lot of the time, and even when I send him to his room he will quite possibly trash the place.

Yes.

For almost 5 yrs I never needed to as there was always a way to deal with their behaviour. It all changed when DS started school and I upped my work to 4 days a week. On those mornings I have zero patience with any mucking about so they do get smacked if they are ignoring me and raising hell.

I smack on the hand occassionally, it's not agressive and doesn't involve shouting or scaring. Imo it's quick and effective as a consequence/punishment.

I don't think it will teach her that it's ok to smack anyone else though - I bath her, she's never learnt from that and tried to bath any of her friends! Kids can understand the parent-child roles, they aren't mini imbeciles.

I wouldn't smack an adult but I don't see the relevance of that either, I'm not trying to bring up an adult and discipline them! I also wouldn't breastfeed an adult, doesn't mean I shouldn't do it to my kids.

Smacking is aggressive, Right, hitting someone is the main way to show aggression. It doesn't involve shouting or scaring, it involves hurting.

Yes I have smacked mine.

choceyes, so do you just go from telling him it's wrong to smacking him, with no other consequence to unwanted behaviour? That must be really confusing for him. Even if having some kind of clear consequence makes your life a bit harder in the short term I should think it would be worth it. Time-outs, losing toys, taking him straight home, sticker charts - it's up to you. They just need to be clear and predictable so he knows where he stands.

Yes, we do.

I dont smack my kids

I always wonder how 'parents who smack' deal with their child when they have hit another child/sibling.

How can you discipline hitting with hitting?

I was probably smacked as a young child but don't recall it (only reason I think this is my mum suggested smacking ds when he was younger and I made it clear that it was not on).

As an older child me and my 4 siblings were disciplined with the wait until your dad gets home from work,with the threat of smacking "parenting technique".

Can't remember Dad ever actually following through and smacking us, but do remember the fear of him walking through the front door knowing I would get a bollocking and wondering if tonight was the night he would actually hit/smack me (he actually had a belt for the purpose, the kind teachers had in school that the good ones had as a deterent but never had to use ).

I don't blame my mum and dad for their parenting style as it was probably common in the '70's/early '80s, but I will do everything possible to ensure my ds will NEVER fear physical pain from me or dh like I remember with my dad.

Disclaimer: I only have one ds (now 8) and apart from 3 years of never sleeping through/the terrible two's/troublesome 3's he's been a fairly average child behaviour wise. Can't say with hand on heart if I wouldn't crack if I had 2 or more challenging children, but I still wouldn't purposely use it.

I remember being smacked as a child, and how it confused me that my parents would do this to me. It made me think about that rather than my offending behaviour. DH was knocked about pretty badly as a child. There's no way that smacking has a part in how we discipline our children. (My parents don't understand this, BTW)

Does anyone have a different view with regards to smacking to their OH. Me and DH had a discussion before DS was born about smacking and he is OK with it, if it is in a dangerous situation. I on otherhand cannot imagine every doing - however DS is only 7 months and very sweet..... this could change!