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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to expect a separate birthday card for each of my twins

100 replies

foodgetinmabelly · 22/05/2012 18:27

they are in fact two separate people, we have a certain relative that sends a joint card every year (DT's are now 6) Now I wouldn't mind if the birthday was not remembered by them and don't in anyway expect a card but a joint one ...seriously!

OP posts:
VonHerrBurton · 22/05/2012 18:28

YANBU. That's just rediculous.

BlackOutTheSun · 22/05/2012 18:31

YANBU that would piss me off. My birthday is usually around Easter and my auntie always gave me an easter egg as my gift is still bitter

Debeezandbirds · 22/05/2012 18:39

Hi food, love your user name. :o

Have you told them you are appreciative of them remembering the birthday but your children are two separate people? I'm sure YANBU as I doubt they would send only one card if you had two DC's who shared a birthday, but were different ages. I think this may be one of those 'meant well but didn't think it through' scenarios rather than 'YAY TWINS! There's a bit of money saved'

fridayfreedom · 22/05/2012 18:40

as a twin, I always hated joint cards and joint presents!!!

alphabite · 22/05/2012 18:41

I wouldn't worry if they got a joint card but would be a bit pissed off if they got a joint present every time. Then again I think cards are a waste of money unless they are perfect for the person or contain a lovely message.

JeezyPeeps · 22/05/2012 18:46

I shared a birthdate with an exp. We used to get joint birthday cards from some friends. Didn't bother me in the slightest. I didn't think that because we got a joint birthday card it somehow mean't we were one person, I just appreciated the gesture.

You are, IMO, overthinking this. Is it not lovely that they have received a card at all?

Beamae · 22/05/2012 18:50

It's quite a different situation to getting a joint card with a partner. Twins need to be treated as individuals. If anyone lumped my two girls together I'd explain to them why it is wrong. I don't even allow anyone to refer to them as The Twins.

Debeezandbirds · 22/05/2012 18:52

But you and your DP are two different people and are treated as such in other aspects of your life Jeezy. I know from twin friends who are now adults it can be hard to be seen as two people when someone looks just like you. Twins are prone to extreme comparison and competition and this could be seen as one way to nip that in the bud, two people with their own lives and aspirations.

Debeezandbirds · 22/05/2012 18:52

X post with beamaw

Beamae · 22/05/2012 18:54

You said it better.

HRHqueenofeverything · 22/05/2012 18:55

yanbu i have twins in the family and always send them separate.
cards posted separately

lardylump · 22/05/2012 18:57

my brother and sister are twins and they were born three days before my 2nd birthday.

they always got shared cards, but not shared prezzies. I always had to share my party with them, usually on the saturday between the birthdays IYSWIM. My elder sisters birthday was 9 days after mine and she always got her own party Envy

When my little sis was 30, she had a 30th party, quite close but not on her birthday, in her new house. I went and while i was there i wished bro happy birthday and she went nuts!

'cannot wish him happy birthday, its not his birthday, you have no idea how horrible it is sharing every party' she looked exactly Angry

(Actually I do)

'you singletons get it all!' Confused this was aimed at my DP

thing is, no only do i know what its like, so does my DP who was actually born on his sisters birthday, so had to share everything too. They are 3 years appart and they used to get shared cards too!Hmm

JeezyPeeps · 22/05/2012 18:58

'extreme comparison' - thats not just for twins. I was always compared to my older brother, all through school. He is just a year older, so all my teachers had taught him first. I REALLY can't see how one relation sending two cards instead of one card would 'nip that in the bud'

It seems to be a parental issue, rather than a twin issue. I know twins that have no issue at all with being called 'the twins' when you are referring to both. They refer to each other as 'twinnie' or 'twin-features' too.

JeezyPeeps · 22/05/2012 19:03

Cross post - maybe some twins do have an issue with it, but I don't think it's all. Not from what I have seen.

MushroomSoup · 22/05/2012 19:04

I have a daughter born on Xmas day and coming up to her 1st birthday I asked all my friends and family to please send separate cards and separate pressies - I understand that people think they can just buy ONE pressie (money conscious!) but made it clear I didn't care about the value of the two pressies but the principle. After all, my other 3 DCs get separate bday and Xmas pressies!
DC is now 11 and everyone has always been fab. We have Xmas stockings upstairs when we wake (tat!) and then go to the kitchen for breakfast and birthday time. Then onto the living room for Xmas! Christmas dinner and birthday cake!

BarbarianMum · 22/05/2012 19:05

YANBU but I have to admit I have been guilty of this in the past, and also joint presents (double the cost but one present) Blush. I do get it now though...

Debeezandbirds · 22/05/2012 19:08

Not all Jeezy, but it does have a higher rate of instance with twins that with children who are similar in age. Don't agree with the "parental issue" as being the fault, unless you mean they are making the issue?

There are many support groups for those with multiple births and the parents of younger children may get advice from those who have been through it. Example : Try and ask for separate cards, because when they develop their own tastes one will be disappointed. So it may seem to be the parent making the issue but in fact they're learning from the experience of others.

Offred · 22/05/2012 19:13

Yes YABU.

I have twins, I have a preference, I do not expect others to be psychic and know what that preference is. I am grateful for others when they think of us.

iliketea · 22/05/2012 19:14

YANBU. I hated getting joint birthday cards /presents when I was younger - and as for thise which were addresses to 'the twins' grrrr Angry.

LumpyLatimer · 22/05/2012 19:18

YABU. Someone kindly remembered their birthday, chose a card, wrote in it, and remembered to post it. With a stamp. By actual post. In this day and age. And you're complaining? Confused

It'd be nice to teach your children to be very happy and grateful with whatever kindness is shown them - not to be looking for people to have done things just a bit better.

browneyesblue · 22/05/2012 19:19

I didn't realise it was such an issue, but I automatically posted seperate cards to a friend's twins.

I then spent the next few days (irrationally) worrying in case one of them didn't arrive, in case she thought I disliked one of her babies Blush

browneyesblue · 22/05/2012 19:20

*separate

FrancesHouseman · 22/05/2012 19:22

I see 'the twins' as being the same as 'the girls' (what me and my 3-years-older-than-me sister were known as) or even 'the children'. I wouldn't go so far as to say YABU but I would agree with a previous poster who said that people without twins might not realise what a big deal it is (or seems to be) to some twin parents - or should I say parents of children born on the same day and year as each other?!

raindropsinmyhair · 22/05/2012 19:29

My twins have recently had their 1st birthday and they received individual cards and presents from all but one person, who had a joint card made (was lovely though). We did give them some joint presents but only due to their age.

What made me laugh was my husband looking very Confused when he saw me looking at individual son and daughter birthday cards in Sainsburys. He was expecting there to be twin birthday cards good job I don't trust him with such things

GnocchiNineDoors · 22/05/2012 19:29

YANBU. Two people, two important days, two cards, two presents.

It;s not difficult and people ABU to see your twins as one person.