Aibu to expect a separate birthday card for each of my twins

[foodgetinmabelly]

they are in fact two separate people, we have a certain relative that sends a joint card every year (DT's are now 6) Now I wouldn't mind if the birthday was not remembered by them and don't in anyway expect a card but a joint one ...seriously!

I agree with LumpyLatimer.
I guess your children would mind if they got a joint present, but as it's just a card I can't quite see what the huge issue is.

yadnbu, your twins are seperate people with seperate identities

I would probably send a joint card, not knowing the rules.

Actually, I never remember anyone's birthday, so I would not send a card at all.

YABU. I don't expect us all to receive separate Christmas cards, and I don't expect my twins to have separate cards for their same-day birthday.

FWIW I have a sister 18 months older than me and we were little we quite often got joint Christmas presents - things like art kits, book sets, etc. Never once occurred to us - and certainly not to our Mum! - to complain. Because someone had give us a gift!!!

As to the identity thing - I don't think twins are going to suffer identity confusion over a shared bday card. . . I think this is more about the mother than the twins, no?

Agree with LumpyLatimer and Offred. I am a twin, was brought up referred to as part of the twins, shared all my (many) birthdays with my twin, joint cards, presents etc etc. Was even dressed the same on many an occasion. It has NEVER been an issue to either of us. In my experience people think twins are so special that they think it is rather lovely to lump them/us together. I think they assume that twins have a bond and want to be associated. You really can't expect people to know your preference unless you tell them.

YANBU

My twins are separate people btw. A joint birthday card does not mean they are not separate people. I will raise them as separate people who are twins and to be grateful for things and to see these issues as insignificant and peripheral.

Offred - sorry for tangent - is your username a Handmaid reference?? It's been bugging me for aaaaaaaaaaages.

Me too Offred.

i know a few parents of twins and they seethe when the twings get joint presents except when they got garden toys which was shared 1 mum really appreciated that , but i always send seperate cards presents presents especially as they are individual with their own likes and dislikes YANBU

YANBU

I hate my boys receiving joint birthday cards and I HATE anyone calling them 'the twins'!!!

Joint present only ok if it's something that they can use together (ie they got a climbing frame when they were three).

YANBU. I have several friends with twins and make a point of sending two cards and selecting two presents with the child's character in mind. I also try to address them by name whenever I can, which can be tricky with identical twins running fast in different directions .
Found out recently that my dd shares the same birthday with on of her classmates. Actually felt a little disappointed because birthdays are special and now dd has to share, at least in class, her special day. My reaction pretty much convinced me to carry on getting two cards and two presents for my friends' twins.

LumpyLatimer - yes it is!

Phew, can breathe easy now

Was just about to post something long and convoluted but luckily spotted what Offred posted just before... that, exactly that.

OP, do you buy individual cards for your twins to give if they're invited to a birthday party? My twins were bought a card each from each of a set of twins we'd invited: 4 cards, bonkers!

Especially as we don't really think of cards as being all that important, it's the wishes that are the important bit, the pieces of overpriced commercial tat cardboard just end up in the recycling anyway.

YANBU

I had a collegue who has now grown up twin daughters and it used to drive her spare when they got given joint cards and presents for birthdays. Bearing in mind when they went to birthday parties they always took a card and present each. So I can see why my friend was very annoyed. It was already a constant battle to get them to be seen as 2 seperate people and not just an extension of eachother.They were often known as twin 1 and twin 2 which pissed them off too.

Dont get me wrong I certainly don't think about this every waking hour it just makes me laugh that they send a joint card As nobody else does(they don't send presents but joint presents would be fine) I also don't refer to DTs as twins (apart from just then) as I see them as individuals and don't even think of them as twins to be honest. just to clarify I don't expect anything but if they are gonna send a card then it's not much more to send one each and identify them as two people.

I can totally undersnd why this sort of thing would bother parents of twins siblings born on the same day - but to say you'd rather the person forgot than send just one card is taking the princiniple to an illogical extreme.

People who haven't parented twins siblings born on the same day, or people who aren't overly familiar with the psychology and need to treat them as two separate identities at all cost, simply don't quite 'get' it, and you can't expect them to. They have enough other stuff filling up their heads living their own lives, to be worried that one birthday card to two siblings might have them wind up on a therapists chair when they turn 18.

You need to put this in perspective. This is a huge deal to you, and fair enough, but it's not to other people. It's the thought that counts. They thought of you and your children on their birthday. This is nice, no??

I say this as Godparents to twin boys, who always send separate cards and pressies and play by the Mum's rules for the boys. I get it, I do, but other people don't and it's not the end of the world.

"(they don't send presents but joint presents would be fine)"

I mean, how arbitrary is that?!

Maybe your relative's crystal ball was malfunctioning that day and s/he thought it was the other way around.

Aaagh it's not a Huge deal to me just a light hearted chat to see other people's opinions! I certainly don't think my children will have an identity crisis (they are boy girl twins) I just think it's nice to identify them as two separate people. This doesn't niggle at me on a daily basis just when their birthday comes round and the card arrives. I think joint presents are fine as they share toys anyway and they tend to only get joint presents when it's something expensive. Like I said it's only one relative so I think most people understand.

I quite often refer to my dds (not twins) as 'the girls' to save saying their names; don't see how that differs from people saying 'the twins' tbh - think it's a bit precious to not want people to take a shortcut sometimes.

OP - I think yabu but realy, it depends on how your children feel imho. They may well not be thinking about it at all.

Ha ha that came across wrong I don't expect presents at all I was just saying I don't have an issue with joint presents!

realLy

HOW DARE YOU EXPECT PRESENTS YOU ENTITLED M...