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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to expect a separate birthday card for each of my twins

100 replies

foodgetinmabelly · 22/05/2012 18:27

they are in fact two separate people, we have a certain relative that sends a joint card every year (DT's are now 6) Now I wouldn't mind if the birthday was not remembered by them and don't in anyway expect a card but a joint one ...seriously!

OP posts:

CeliaFate · 23/05/2012 09:33

Yanbu, but like a pp says it works both ways. When both are invited to someone's birthday party they should give a separate card and present.

Cherriesarelovely · 23/05/2012 09:43

I would definitely give separate cards and presents to twins. Not doing so is as annoying to a child as giving them a joint christmas and birthday present because their birthday is close to Christmas. Sorry, sore point!!!!!

Buckingfiatch · 23/05/2012 09:56

I don't have any shops that I know of in my area that sell cards at 50p. The cheapest shop has them from £1.99. So that would be £3.98 before I even paid postage and for gifts.

I don't even get the cheap ones, as I actually prefer personally, the card to the gift. I always read the verses and choose a lovely one that suits the receiver. They tend to be around £2.49-£2.99 around these parts. And I love reading the verses on the cards given to me.

But, that's just me and everyone is different. It is the thought that counts. No one HAS to send them anything. The fact that they have, is nice.

Original poster

foodgetinmabelly · 23/05/2012 10:44

buckingfiatch do you not have a tesco near you? as they sell plenty of card for 50p and under.
anyway i dont see it as a double standard as i would not expect siblings/twins that came to my childrens party to bring seperate gifts from each of them for each of my children.
its only my opinion and i stand by it, im not going to confront my relatives i will just continue to be amused for as long as the cards come.

OP posts:

Original poster

foodgetinmabelly · 23/05/2012 10:56

threeprinces, my children send separate Christmas cards as they enjoy writing out their own to their friends, i however send one from the family to other families , we dont each write a separate card for everyone as i am sure you dont.
i know money is not an issue as a fact for these relatives but like i said i wouldnt even expect a card at all. just thought it was strange that out of everyone who sends cards to DTs they get one joint one so obviously most people think a card each is the norm
Triggles my post was meant in a jokey way not at all a rant but i get that it may have come across as that.

OP posts:

Original poster

foodgetinmabelly · 23/05/2012 10:59

triggles also people are entitled to disagree with me just think some are taking my original comment way too seriously

OP posts:

Jaffacakeeater · 23/05/2012 11:13

YANBU. I get irritated when my twins receive joint cards, party invitations, thank you notes from school friends etc. They are almost four. Regardless of the 'separate identities' issue, I think people forget what a big deal it is to receive post as a child and they deserve their own.

Buckingfiatch · 23/05/2012 12:50

I do. But I purposely stay away from there to get a card considering the last time I looked, they was £2.50+ and absolutely shite in comparison to other card shops.

Maybe that is just my Tesco...

But, I would prefer a joint nicer card than individual cheap shite ones. But that is because I like to think more effort as been put into Choosing the card rather than the cheapest just picked up for, well, cheap sake.

bubby64 · 23/05/2012 14:18

My twins get joint cards from a lot of their classmates, and i send joint cards to the 3 other sets of twins in their class (4 sets in a class of 19 kids!) but they tend not to get joint presents. Relatives always do individual cards. We also do a present from both boys to each birthday child, that way we spend twice as much, so said child gets a bigger pressie (we have a mutual agreement with classmates parents that we spend £5 per guest on the birthday child)
However, the worse was when one aunt sent a game and said it was for their b/day ( they have a bd in december) and christmas gift for them both to share!

2rebecca · 23/05/2012 16:18

If it's a close relative I'd mention to them that your children would prefer a card each to show they are viewed as individuals. If it's someone you see every year or 2 I'd just ignore it.

squoosh · 23/05/2012 16:31

Separate presents? Yes

Separate cards? YABU, the fact that they went to the bother of sending a card is the main thing. Does it make a difference if those good wishes are sent one piece of paper rather than two?

Triggles · 23/05/2012 18:53

If we took the time to send a card and/or gift to someone's children (even a close relative) and they then told us the children "would prefer a card each" I think it'd be the last card or gift they received from us.

Rude rude rude. Take what is given graciously. It's called manners.

2rebecca · 23/05/2012 20:28

If it was a close relative eg my sister and the card issue thing was upsetting the kids and my sister i'd far rather she told me than just felt I was a tight wad. I may see it as being environmentally friendly, but if my sister and the kids see it as me just trying to save a couple of quid I'd rather she said so.
Having said that my sister and i have a good relationship and I doubt something like this would really register with her as a snub. I suspect the OP doesn't much like the person who does this and thinks they "fall short" in other ways too hense the need for a thread on here.

Mrbojangles1 · 23/05/2012 21:04

YABU my sil has twins yes they are diffrent people but we have limited means and cannot afford £20 each for a presant plus a card each

For my nieces birthday they are getting a large toy ironing board and two irons one each and one big card

What you expect and what people can afford

Mrbojangles1 · 23/05/2012 21:05

... Are two diffrent things

2rebecca · 23/05/2012 22:33

I presume the iron reference is a joke.
If you have 2 nieces then I think it's fair enough to buy them presents within your means, but 2 sisters born on the same day should have the same thought and money go into their presents as 2 sisters born on different days.

baboos · 23/05/2012 23:01

YANBU...

If your two sons shared the same birthday, but 2 years apart, would people still send joint cards?

FidgetPie · 23/05/2012 23:45

I would probably send a joint card (and recently did with a friend's 2YO twins). It wouldn't strike me as different to sending a joint Christmas card to my cousin and his DD rather than sending the DD a separate one.

SinisterBuggyMonth · 24/05/2012 01:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

startail · 24/05/2012 01:44

YANBU, but don't get to annoyed those of us who don't have twins some times forget.

I do remember not to do joint presents except when 2x budget got them a really big box of duplo in a sale.

What drives me mad is everything being pink and blue. Clearly two boys don't want a pink and a blue teddy bear or baby grow.

OK i know what the feminists would say, but.....

MERLYPUSS · 26/05/2012 10:10

When the boys go to parties they always take 2 pressies and 2 cards for each child (YES, 4 of each when they went to another set of twins party). I will spend a total of about £7 for the gifts or less if i can. I dont throw parties for the boys as i cant afford them as they have a January birthday and we are broke by then.
As for big stuff (tree house x 1, trampoline x1 etc) that comes from pooled money from GPs and aunties, Xmas and Bday, etc. They will always have separate gifts from us but my friends will often buy lego, jigsaws etc but different varieties. I'm fine with that as they share well and love swapping.
My twin friend had to sit back to back to her sister to unwrap their pressies as auntie always bought exactly the same, in the same design, same colour etc.

SpringHeeledJack · 26/05/2012 10:13

I used to do this to my twin niblings

I had no IDEA

then I had twins myself. Now I know better!

bakedcheesysausagemeat · 26/05/2012 13:42

First world problems.

JustFab · 26/05/2012 13:44

Shops sell birthday cards with To The Twins on the front and I was a bit about that.

YABU to expect anything (sorry) but not U to want a card for them each.

gregdavies · 26/02/2016 17:21

As a twin myself, I was never that keen on joint presents! My child, Francemund, on the other hand, wishes greatly to have a sibling so he may share and play! Swings and roundabouts my womanly friends, swings and roundabouts.

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