To insist my dd studies in addition to her schoolwork?

[ChopstheScarletduck]

DD clearly thinks I am. We've had this discussion a few times now. Apparently NOBODY else has to do extra work.

She is a solidly average student in general, but lacks motivation in subjects she does find harder, and has terrible organisational skills.

All the kids have been told they must do half an hours reading a day, from school age. The older two do maths and english in addition to that, so around an hour a day (age 11, 9)

I've now told dd I want her to do 90mins a day, which includes homework, reading and study. In the past I've even told her she can do music practice as part of that, but that didn't last very long. I help her with the aspects of her study she is struggling with, though on the whole it is independent study.

She seems to think she should be able rush her homework then hang out with her friends or sit in front of a screen all day, like everybody else does. I want her to work to achieve the grades I know she is capable of if she tries. Her homework is 100% better when she knows she can't get away with just rushing it, as she will just have to find something else to study in any case!

I know academic achievement isn't everything, and she has plenty of time left to do what she wants, and she does various clubs at school, Girls Brigade, a couple of youth clubs.

Please tell me I'm not really the only one who wants their dc to do a little work as well as play!

lol @ Rhinestone!

I had studied for the past 6 years actually, doing OU, though, stopped now. Obviously not much sunk in!

What do you hope to achieve with all this?

Yup. Tiger parenting. The thing is, if you're having trouble getting her to do it at 11, what's going to happen when she's 14?

YABU

You shouldnt be timing reading either, not if you want her to have a love of books anyway!

I would read for hours in bed at night until it got too dark to see! [torch was banned or od be up till all hours!]

Dont be so rigid.

Recipe for failure...yours, not hers

My nearly 7 year old is very inquisitive and wants to learn. Because of this she does a lot of extra stuff at home, but of her own accord. For example, on Saturday evening (she is allowed to stay up a bit later) she suddenly became curious about Italy, and spent ages looking at things in the atlas and asking me questions, then looked up some stuff online too. Would hate to stifle that by making her do loads of extra, more formal work and putting her off.

If you are hoping that this will get her into the habit for when she needs to study for her GCSEs, think again! It will just pretty much guarantee that when she has some control over her life she will do as little as possible to spite you.

YABU if your DD is unhappy about this.

My 12 year old does the bare minimum which makes me frustrated and a little sad but I'm not going to spend all evening nagging him about it. (I have enough to nag him about already!)

My 10 year old DD is a studious little thing and will often do her own extra work after homework (eg, at the moment she is in a Louis XIV phase and will spend ages researching and doing a little project about him. Another day she'll decide to write poems or stories...) However this is all her own initiative and she enjoys it.

If the extra work is a chore, it could end up being counter-productive.

Having said that, I do live abroad and my kids have a longer school day and quite a lot of homework so maybe I'd be less laid back if we were in the UK and they were home from school at 3ish.

I want to them to get reasonable grades. I'm not pushing for straight As, but I'm teaching them how to study, and how to learn independently. I get to find out the gaps where they haven't learnt the curriculum at school, and I can teach them those. dd isn't particularly bright, and ds1 has sn. They both miss things in a classroom which I can easily teach them at home and they are capable of understanding the topics. Dd was so close to being put down a set. The school's answer is to tell them to go on the MyMaths website, where they browse around aimlessly doing the bits they like. I help them work through the whole maths curriculum for their level.

The younger ones get to a good reading level earlier on, they then get a better general knowledge from reading every day. From previous experience in schools, I know how important reading is to be able to access the rest of the curriculum.

You clearly don't want to listen to the responses you are getting so why did you bother posting?

She isn't listening to her daughter either...

Yabvvu

I think this will end up biting you on the arse.

Tbh I feel sorry for your dd, I had similar when I lived at home and it didn't end well.

We come home from school and work at 2.30pm (middle east) and get changed and then we all either go to the beach, pool or watch tv and relax. I couldn't imagine sacrificing family time for schoolwork, what the Hell is childhood for? Average is fine by me, one does extra work through choice and this is respected and encouraged but I use the childhood model I had, come home, kick off your shoes and watch cheggers plays pop and grange hill. No work was even thought about until after willo the wisp.

How do you force an 11 year old to read?

Unless you make them read aloud she will just sit there with the book and day dream. I would rather my children read because they wanted to and forcing will just turn them off the idea of reading for pleasure.

She probably makes her read out loud!

To those who say it is counter productive - if she isn't motivated now, I can't possibly see how leaving her to it will help her in the long run.

What is the alternative?

If I leave her to it, she will go down to bottom sets, and become even more demoralised and work even less. The school will also give her less homework if she is bottom set.

The more she works at something and the better she achieves, the more she wants to do it. She is motivated by achieving. She came top of the class for one subject, and has spent hours at the weekend on the next project for that, without any prompting. She is actually really enjoying maths now, because it is all starting to click for her since we got some new sats books. We are working on the English...

YABVU. They already have 6 hours at school plus homework.

She's old enough to understand that she has a choice:

1. To work hard now and reap the rewards in the form of an interesting career, which will pay for her to have a nice house, choices etc when she is older.

2. Do the bare minimum now and have a potentially miserable life with a min wage job.

I agree with the PP who said that she will be competing with the brightest and the best for career choices when she is older. Unfortunately, things have changed since most of us were young graduates and able to find a foothold on the career ladder with relative 'ease'.

I don't think YABU at all. I slacked off for most of my A Levels and am constantly grateful that I had a lightbulb moment as my exams approached. I pulled my finger out right at the last minute and managed to do well, but it could so easily have gone the other way for me. I shudder to think how my life might have turned out had I not bothered.

Chops - she may just surprise you. You arent showing any faith in her at all if you are just assuming that without your input she will go straight into the bottom set.

She needs to be independent at some stage, you cant push her along for the rest of her life, she needs to find that self motivation that drives us all along.

You obviously know that you ARE doing the right thing and that you ANBU so I am not really sure why you are asking for other opinions.....the majority here says you ABU! If as you say she is motivated by her achievements then she will be just fine left to her own devices.

AIBU? Yes

NO I'm not!

Then why ask ?

If you want them to get support outside of the classroom get them a tutor. They will get more done in an hour one-to-one, once a week, than you will with a week of 90 minutes and a reluctant learner.

And reading does help, but it doesn't matter what it is. Reading Harry Potter will improve fluency just as much as reading about the chief exports of Honduras, but won't suck the joy out of it.

puffin is spot on.

No, she doesn't read aloud.

We go to the library, we look for books together. I've caught her on the phone once or twice instead of reading, I just told her she had to read up the table for a few days.

But generally she reads in bed, in the bath, in the garden, wherever she wants. It's not as dictatorial and some of you seem to imagine. I know if she is reading, because I have to keep the book supply going! Plus we do chat about what she is reading.

How can you have an 11 year old that doesn't do as he or she is told?!

You cant force her to be motivated and by forcing her to do extra work she will just be resentful and lose any love for learning that she does have.

Does she try her best in school, is she polite and well liked by her peers and teachers and is she upto date with her homework?

These are the things that are important, not trying to cram in extra just because you think she shouldn't be in a bottom set.

SATS books??? Why?