AIBU to be incensed by this pregnancy announcement on FB?

[CCsgirl]

Acquaintance on FB has just announced that she is " gunna be a mammy for the first time!!!!". She was with the father for 2 weeks and he is now in jail. She says as far as she is concerned her baby "dusnt av a daddy". She has been in her job for 4 weeks. 37 congratulations on her status so far. AIBU to be totally incensed that this is seen as acceptable and something to be congratulated?

Whilst not being perfect I will enjoy trying to do thd best for any children I may have by being in a stable relationship when they are conceived and being financially prepared. If I end up a broke single mum at least I tried

yabu your attitude is shocking. This is the first time iv wanted to write a post that would more than likely be deleted!

you are not just commenting on society, you are making a personal attack on young woman who has announced she is pregnant. you want people to either ignore her announcement or condemn her for it!!

i would much rather my dd grew up to fall pregnant and take responsibility for that by getting a job etc like this lady has rather than have her grow up to be a nasty judgmental old boot like yourself.

for what its worth, when i am on Facebook or if i am texting... i sometimes use text talk

You are not better than this woman OP. Not at all.

If you do ever end up a broke single mother, The women you judge would probably be the first people to stand up and give you help if you needed it.

I accept it is a personal attack and on reflection it is about society and not her, but she embodies what I feel has gone wrong with society and so my anger was wrongly directed I think

You are being VVVVV U!!

This has really wound me up!

I was 22 when I fell pregnant, at Uni and had only been with DD's father (who I was besotted with at the time) for 3 months. When I told him I was pregnant he told me he didn't want anything to do with either of us. He is in the navy and he has never met his daughter. I went on to finish my teachers degree, retrained as a CM for whilst DD is still small, found a house and furnished it.

I fell pregnant because I was bulimic- the contraceptive pill didn't stay in my system and I wasn't aware that this could happen.

It must be really nice to be perfect OP.

I don't think I am better than her whatever that means, I have just made different choices, choices I think would benefit society if more people chose them. She may be a much better mother than me, probably will be, I'm not better or superior just different

i think the OP is getting a rough deal here. two people created a child, that is going to need 18ys worth of care, without being in the position to provide for it.

yes accidents happen, & women should not be judged more than men, but really?

one of DPs relatives has a child with a man in prision. very sad start for anyone. wheres daddy? he is in prision because he is a coke dealer who got caught!

fortunately the family helped out lots & mum & baby are doing well, but (1) she is a grown up & should not need her aging parents to sort her life out, when she should be helping them (2) daddy got convicted for something else while inside.

FFS daddy in prision is a shit start in life.

And for the tenth time, I have never once suggested I am perfect. Everyone makes mistakes it seems

Then stop effing judging her!

I have neither compassion or empathy for her, her life, her choices. I have compassion and empathy for those deserving of it, in my view she is not. Should I show compassion as she had an accident? Maybe, as repeated, I'm not sure how many genuine accidents happen

also

It is the fact that a committed relationship is no longer seen as a prerequisite to conception

That's my point. All the evidence suggests a committed relationship is nothing to do with it. Children need stability in their environment. Perfectly possible to provide a stable environment without commitment although harder and based on other things you say i.e. that you are not concerned about the stability of the environment the child will be born in, you are not concerned about this but specifically that a committed relationship should be a pre-requisite for breeding.

This is a complete social construct which has its history in structures of society, wherever there has been motivation to ensure that a group or clan were kept intact there has been pressure to control breeding, against nature, into a "committed relationship" environment. This is not a superior or natural way for humans to behave it has evolutionary drawbacks, especially when taken to extremes - think cultures which promote not only commitment between independent adults but that commitment is best kept to adults within the family.

MY worry is your attitude which doles out empathy and sympathy entirely based on perceptions of deservingness.

I judge her as she has made choices I strongly disagree with. I see I should not do that and should condone her behaviour like everyone else so other young women think it is acceptable to get pregnant in fleeting relationships when you can't provide for the child

wasabi so what do you suggest I tell my DD when she is old enough to ask about her "daddy"? "your daddy didn't want you?" "your daddy works at sea and chooses to not see you?" neither of these are preferable to "your daddy did a bad thing and had to go to prison"

You can't predict the future the same as I can't or the girl on FB. I presume he wasn't in prison when she got pregnant.

A committed relationship is no longer seen as a prerequisite to conception

It never was. That's why women were forced to marry or shipped off to a home to give birth before their child was taken from them or sent to stay with a married childless relative until the birth (who then took on the baby as their own) or hid their pregnancy and abandoned their baby or worse, killed it to hide the shame etc etc

Offred, that is really interesting, something to think about, but I still believe that ideally a child should be conceived to two parents that want it whether same sex or whatever.

How do you not understand how an accident can happen?
I was taking the pill, became ill and was on antibiotics and genuinely had no idea they affected the reliability. Was it my own fault for not thinking to ask? Yes..but it was still an accident. I was 18 and was by no means 'shagging about'. As it goes, my DS is now 15 month old, happy, healthy and bright. I am working full time in a job I love and have trained hard to get, I live with my DP who also works full time and we are all very happy. My family and friends were supportive but I suspect there was a few people like you OP who were judgemental and assumed I would be on the dole all my life, so why dont you hold your reservations and judgements until the woman has her baby and a change to prove smug gits like you wrong.

Prerequisite was thd wrong phrase, a lazy one, I meant that a committed relationship used to be held up as the ideal, now it really doesn't seem to matter, anything goes

lauren - DPs relatives BF was a coke dealer dealing serveral kgs of coke per deal. they has been in a relationship for years. i think she could predict that was wasnt going to end well.

pocketrocket!

"Everyone makes mistakes it seems"

There's your answer OP, in your own words.

BTW Is the weather nice up there on your high horse?
Do let me know if I need to get my washing in.

Pocket rocket, is your DP your baby's father?

Firstly, being a single mother does not automatically mean you are broke. My mum was a single parent and she's quite comfortably off.
Secondly, having an absent Father is not a precursor to a terrible life. It is actually possible to be successful having never met your Father.
What really doesn't help is this horrible prejudiced attitude to single parent families, however the situation arises.
I got pregnant after 3 months of dating. He's now my DH, but i'd be no less of a person if he wasn't.
And I really am going now, this is not good for my blood pressure.

For the third time, I have no issue with single parents

In that situation then yes it was a bad decision to even be with him in the first place. There is no back ground as to why this man is in prison or if OPs 'friend' knew of any reason why her BF might end up in prison. It could be a completely different situation and the OP is being very quick to judge

yes it's gonna be a hard life for the baby, if the mother is surrounded by frenemies like YOU OP!
do them both a favour and de-friend them! they'll be better off

quick question, why post asking if yabu? The general consensus is obviously "yes, yabu" but you keep saying why you are not...why ask in the first place?

If you genuinely feel that her behavior is going to cause other young women think it is acceptable to get pregnant in fleeting relationships when you can't provide for the child and so cause them to follow suit, why not just put on her wall why this is not acceptable, along with a bullet point list of the right way to bring a child into the world, that way you get your point across and get to help society at the same time?