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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be incensed by this pregnancy announcement on FB?

348 replies

CCsgirl · 20/05/2012 14:37

Acquaintance on FB has just announced that she is " gunna be a mammy for the first time!!!!". She was with the father for 2 weeks and he is now in jail. She says as far as she is concerned her baby "dusnt av a daddy". She has been in her job for 4 weeks. 37 congratulations on her status so far. AIBU to be totally incensed that this is seen as acceptable and something to be congratulated?

OP posts:
babylann · 20/05/2012 16:07

It seems to me that you're latching on to one comment which you didn't understand (I read it and believe you have misinterpreted it), and ignoring all of the other very valuable comments and suggestions made by other posters on this thread.

BerryLellow · 20/05/2012 16:08

Maybe she's trying to make the best of her situation. And to me, she is already trying to act in the best interest of her unborn child by going it alone and not trying to keep a relationship with a father in prison.

Things happen, to people from all walks of life. Pride comes before a fall op, remember that while you sit on your superior pedestal.

CCsgirl · 20/05/2012 16:08

The woman has a loving family and I'm sure the child will be loved and she will be supported. HappyMumofone seems to know what I mean- its not this woman or child, it's the fact it's just seen as normal and acceptable I guesz

OP posts:
Offred · 20/05/2012 16:10

This is AIBU but this is also a nasty thread.

Bit hypocritical to be so nasty and judgemental about the OP for being nasty and judgemental.

My original thought is that this women sounds like she is in a terrible situation but I don't agree that it is sad that she could expect congratulations about the news. It is sad that there are still people who want to ostracise peopl in this situation which has occurred as a normal part of life as long as people have lived. The problem is not her grammar or her wish to be congratulated or even how she got pregnant. If there is one it may be that her circumstances make you worried the child will not be raised in a stable environment. If that is the case the woman needs support and congratulations and acceptance more than the average person. You come over VU! Also very lucky and sheltered and I think you need to understand not everyone can make or does make the choices you have and that your "moral code" is not necessarily "the moral code", and why should it be?

AllYoursBabooshka · 20/05/2012 16:11

It's accepted because it happens. What is the alternative?

Honestly if you had the power, What would you do to 'fix' this situation?

Shakirasma · 20/05/2012 16:13

I think AyeRobot is saying that in the future, when you intentially fall pregnant without issue, THEN you can quite rightly feel smug about how careful and lucky you have been.

Until then, you can not be sure of deserving the credit. You probably do, but you can't know for sure.

Debeezandbirds · 20/05/2012 16:13

Offred your username made your post all the more poignant for me. Especially about the moral code and personal choice. Freedom too, freedom from.

perplexedpirate · 20/05/2012 16:15

OP, it 's quite clear to me that you care whether like you.
Just as well, really. Smile

AKissIsNotAContract · 20/05/2012 16:15

I think it was me who wondered whether you might be infertile, it wasn't to be nasty or to wish that upon you (I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy). But it would go someway to explaining your reaction to this situation.

perplexedpirate · 20/05/2012 16:16

*'don't', obviously.

KateSpade · 20/05/2012 16:16

My situation was slightly similar to what worra said,

would you rather i be forced to bring a baby up in a relationship/marriage i didn't want to be in? Or would you you rather i be single (shock horror!) and happy?

babylann · 20/05/2012 16:16

If you knew someone who's dad had just died of lung cancer, and they announced it on FB, and there were 37 "Condolences" replies, you wouldn't become incensed with rage at the fact that he was a smoker so why should we feel sorry for him.

But any other day of the week, you might find yourself saying something like "The NHS has to deal with great financial strain when people come in with self-inflicted illnesses" (not my personal view, btw).

There is a time and a place to dispute something you disagree with, and in a comment responding to her announcing a big, scary and exciting change in her life would not be that time, so those 37 responses which have annoyed you so much are actually just polite, caring, supportive people. This woman's circumstances may not be ideal, but you appear to have been outraged by the fact that people have congratulated her, thereby "validating" her choices and mistakes, or society's choices and mistakes.

Any other day of the week, be annoyed at how the government is allowing the benefits-culture to spiral out of control etc, but there's a time and a place and a woman making the brave and frightening decision to become a single parent isn't an appropriate one, iyswim.

perplexedpirate · 20/05/2012 16:16

*'people', also obviously.

Can't type when I'm angry.

crescentmoon · 20/05/2012 16:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CCsgirl · 20/05/2012 16:17

Perhaps I am lucky, but definitely not sheltered. I am not in her position because I made certain choices in the past, that is not luck it is judgment. Perhaps I am lucky that I had the parenting I did to be able to make those choices

OP posts:
TheHappyHissy · 20/05/2012 16:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

CCsgirl · 20/05/2012 16:20

Katespade it has nothing to do with bringing a child up with two parents, you miss my point. It is the fact that a committed relationship is no longer seen as a prerequisite to conception

OP posts:
perplexedpirate · 20/05/2012 16:20

Shame the parenting you received didn't focus more on empathy and less on judging harshly those who make different life choices than you.

AllYoursBabooshka · 20/05/2012 16:21

I think your parents have a lot to answer for given your attitude.

I think it's horrid to raise a child to have no compassion.

Shame on them.

CCsgirl · 20/05/2012 16:22

I don't think getting pregnant to a criminal you have known 2 weeks can be called a life choice, but I accept keeping the baby is

OP posts:
CCsgirl · 20/05/2012 16:25

I have neither compassion or empathy for her, her life, her choices. I have compassion and empathy for those deserving of it, in my view she is not. Should I show compassion as she had an accident? Maybe, as repeated, I'm not sure how many genuine accidents happen

OP posts:
KateSpade · 20/05/2012 16:26

Your whole point is stupid. It was her choice to have unprotected sex and her choice to keep the baby. Obviously she is happy, you are judging because she wasn't in a relationship?

Luckily women these days have a choice, and plenty of single mothers end up successful and possible even happy. I mean, how can any woman be happy without a man in her life? I sometimes struggle to get out of bed in a morning because i have no man to cook for and suck off..

perplexedpirate · 20/05/2012 16:29

So in one post you say that what she has done is not a life choice and in the next you're saying "her life, her choices"?
I'm off, I'm clearly debating an empty house.
Good luck with the whole being perfect thing OP.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 20/05/2012 16:33

Wow. Those judgy pants of yours are hoiked up so far they must be giving you a very big wedgy.

Seriously this doesn't affect you directly (in any way I can see from your OP) so why let it bug you so much to be "incensed"?

Have a Wine and calm down.

WorraLiberty · 20/05/2012 16:34

in my post im talking about sense of responsibility, not shotgun weddings!

But that's what they mostly were in generations gone by.

The utter shame of being pregnant and unmarried meant they were forced to marry.

And most were forced to stay married too due to the shame of divorce.