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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell these people that DD doesn't want to go to the B'day party?

155 replies

complexo · 19/05/2012 20:18

So, we were invited to this B'day party tomorrow and DD doesn't want to go...I have already confirmed attendance and I don't want to use a lame excuse...or should I?
They are not best friends, but they are a very nice couple and always invite us to their childrens b'days, christening and etc, I met the woman during a course, and we do bump into each other ocasionally as we live near. Their children are younger than mine, my daughter enjoyed playing with them at the beggining but it has been a long time and she lost interest.
Also DH is palnning for us to go for a meal I thought I could pop in on the way just to wish happy birthday and leave a gift, but now with daughter not going he won't be happy to do it either, as he doesn't know them and is not ery keen on socials outside family...

OP posts:
jeee · 19/05/2012 20:20

If you have already confirmed that DD is attending, she attends. Anything else is plain rude.

Hassled · 19/05/2012 20:20

How old is your DD? Old enough to understand that you don't bail on commitments and that her failure to attend will affect the birthday child? Is it the sort of thing where if she goes she'll probably have a nice time regardless?

ohforfoxsake · 19/05/2012 20:21

My DD doesn't like going to parties of children of the friends of mine because she won't know anyone except the child who's birthday it is, which is understandable I think. I wouldn't push it with DD, but I'd let the parents know ASAP so they can invite someone else if they've booked and paid for something.

Original poster
complexo · 19/05/2012 20:24

Thing is I confirmed with even consulting her, it never crossed my mind she wouldn't want to go...c'mon it is a birthday party and she enjoyed the last 2 a lot...she is 5, she has been to 2 other parties of one of the children and the party tomorrow is for the other one. I guess we have to go stay for half an hour and make our way...

OP posts:
hiddenhome · 19/05/2012 20:24

dh should manage to cope with the social side for the sake of your dd. I think to back out now looks rude.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 19/05/2012 20:28

How old is your child? I'd make her go if she has previously said she wants to, otherwise you are teaching her that rude behaviour is ok and that 'not wanting to' is a good reason not to fulfil a commitment.

But if you did decide to let her be rude, then I wouldn't say she just doesn't want to go because that is offensive and insulting as well as rude.

Maryz · 19/05/2012 20:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
complexo · 19/05/2012 20:31

It is at their place. I was just reading other posts and I am already wondering if DH has Asperge's as he really hates social, like outings to be extremely organised and likes going back always to the same places instead of trying something new..he has mini panic attacks when we are on an outing and something goes "wrong" and never lives his crap job just because he likes his routine there, knows exactly what he is doing there and know the people../but this is a whole other thread in a different topic.

OP posts:
QueenEdith · 19/05/2012 20:31

I think you should strong arm her into going, because you don't pull out at 11th hour for anything short of illness.

But as you entered into this commitment without consulting her, you need to apologise and do something to make it up to her.

smoggii · 19/05/2012 20:34

I think you should go. Tell DD you've promised and promise you'll never accept on her behalf again if she just goes to this one and then offer her an appealing bribe. I think a 5 year old can be swayed. TBH it sounds like you don't really want to go...but you did say you would.

It's probably the kind of thing you dread but enjoy when you get there.

ohforfoxsake · 19/05/2012 20:36

Blimey! If a parent called me and explained I wouldn't be offended or insulted, especially if it were a party at home. She's 5 not 15.

SinicalSanta · 19/05/2012 20:38

You have to go really. Bribe SD if nece.ssary

vigglewiggle · 19/05/2012 20:39

I would be offended. It's just rude and weak parenting.

TartyMcFarty · 19/05/2012 20:43

Here we go, the ASD chestnut! Stop finding excuses and use your manners Smile That doesn't mean excusing yourself after half an hour either.

pictish · 19/05/2012 20:44

The way you were talking I thought she was 13 or something and had grown out of playing with a 10 yr old or thereabouts...but no - she's 5.

Yabu. She's 5 and will go to the bloody party.

Kaluki · 19/05/2012 20:48

She should go. They will have counted for her and got her a party bag / prizes etc.
Not to go would be rude and inconsiderate and teaching your dd that it is ok to be rude.
As for DH - leave him at home!

hiddenhome · 19/05/2012 20:48

I have problems interacting socially, but I still put myself out for my dcs Hmm I just make and effort and fake it. You have to when you have children.

Firawla · 19/05/2012 20:50

I would just take her - make it sound fun so she gets a bit enthusiatic & bribe (if necessary) her with a treat after if she goes with a smile & behaves herself.
Not nice for her to back out once you have said yes

Dee03 · 19/05/2012 20:51

Hi Pictish
(waves) Smile

I agree with Pictish
She is 5
5 year old do as they are told

pictish · 19/05/2012 20:52

Hello Dee!

I see we are in agreement on this one. Wink

AKMD · 19/05/2012 20:56

YABU. Not going would be bad enough but telling them that it's because your 5yo DD doesn't want to is rude and precious. Why insult your friends and make them feel as though they have done something wrong/they are boring?

Original poster
complexo · 19/05/2012 20:57

Sorry I did not mean to offend anyone with the ASD talk, is just that as we usually have the Sundays to spend as a family (new thing as we are trying improve the relationship) I thought we could pop there with a gift since their house is on the way where he wants to go, stay for a little while and carry on with the day, but if DD kick up a fuss he will too, and even blame me to accept the invitation and blablabla...but I know it would make a lot easier for DD to go if he goes...obviously he doesn't need to go and he didn't go in the past...I am thinking now in a bribe...maybe cinema will work she wants to go and see Beauty and the Beast.

OP posts:
MarySA · 19/05/2012 20:57

I think she should go to the party. It does seem a bit rude to pull out at such short notice. But you know best. If she will be really distressed about it and in a total panic then I would think again.

Dee03 · 19/05/2012 20:57
Grin

I'm sure we'll agree on loads of things. Ive read other threads you've commented on and ive agreed with you even tho i may not have commented.
Just maybe not about cats GrinGrinGrin

DoesItComeInBlack · 19/05/2012 20:57

I agree with Dee and Pictish. She is 5 she does as she is told and goes, if you don't stick to your guns now you'll have no chance when she is 15.