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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell these people that DD doesn't want to go to the B'day party?

155 replies

complexo · 19/05/2012 20:18

So, we were invited to this B'day party tomorrow and DD doesn't want to go...I have already confirmed attendance and I don't want to use a lame excuse...or should I?
They are not best friends, but they are a very nice couple and always invite us to their childrens b'days, christening and etc, I met the woman during a course, and we do bump into each other ocasionally as we live near. Their children are younger than mine, my daughter enjoyed playing with them at the beggining but it has been a long time and she lost interest.
Also DH is palnning for us to go for a meal I thought I could pop in on the way just to wish happy birthday and leave a gift, but now with daughter not going he won't be happy to do it either, as he doesn't know them and is not ery keen on socials outside family...

OP posts:
Original poster
complexo · 20/05/2012 09:39

NotSureIcancarryOn - it is very refreshing to read your post. But now I'm convinced that my 5 year old is a little brat princess with a shitty attitude and me and Dh are awful parents. Our social lives - specially dd's - are doomed forever....... Not.

OP posts:
JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 20/05/2012 09:42
Hmm
Maryz · 20/05/2012 09:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
complexo · 20/05/2012 09:57

Ok. But. Agree with sarcasm, can't see where the self pityness is. Not trying to make anyone feel sorry for me, what would be the point? Specially on an anonymous website..

OP posts:
Original poster
complexo · 20/05/2012 09:57

Ok. But. Agree with sarcasm, can't see where the self pityness is. Not trying to make anyone feel sorry for me, what would be the point? Specially on an anonymous website..

OP posts:
Maryz · 20/05/2012 10:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

holmesgirl · 20/05/2012 10:26

Read the full thread. Two things - accepting an invite then cancelling last minute is very rude. Secondly, turning up for half an hour. Even more rude.

In short YABU.

Hulababy · 20/05/2012 10:37

Re. party or swim class - I would ask DD which she would prefer. Knowing my own DD she'd always chose the party, so I would let her go. If she did chose the class I would just decline and say we can't make it. No reason to give an excuse on most invites. If a closer friend of mine I would let them know if asked, but tbh if a closer friend we'd probably go to the party anyway.

DD's party this year cost £10 per child. If a child had dropped out last minute I would have still had to pay the £10. So yes, barring illness/emergency I would feel a bit put out tbh. Even if it was at home it would have still cost me money for a party bag, the extra prize for the games, the food, etc.

skybluepearl · 20/05/2012 11:07

It's too late. You have accepted the invite and unless shes ill, it would be rude to pull out. It could be a good lesson for your daughter - she should have told you that she didn't want to go when she first received the invite.

skybluepearl · 20/05/2012 11:17

Oh I see you didn't tell her about the party. I must say it would be polite to stay for the length of the party - and not just 5 or 20 mins. Your DD does sound like a brat. All tantrums if she doesn't get her own way. Yes my kids have feelings but they also understand whats fair and reasonable.

ohforfoxsake · 20/05/2012 11:29

Apologising and not going to a party is rude, but calling a child a brat to her mother isn't?

I don't frequent MN much, and this thread has reminded me why.

lou2321 · 20/05/2012 11:44

I am confused as to why you posted as you clearly disagree with everyones advice.

Now, I get quite cross when people 'attack' the ops on here but I am actually shocked at your attitude - she is 5 for goodness sake, it sounds like you have more issues than this party if your 5 year old rules what you do, this sounds like a 2 or 3 year olds behaviour and I can understand why you do not want a public display of bad behaviour however surely if you avoid these situations then you are allowing her to 'play' you and she is actually getting her own way so this will not actually get better.

I am trying not to be rude to you but I never understand why you would ask a question on MN then blatantly disagree with everyone who does not see your point, surely you were coming on here for advice?

MardyArsedMidlander · 20/05/2012 12:18

And going to the party- but going up to the host and saying 'My daughter is grumpy because she doesn't want to be here'?????? I think , as the hostess, I would have a short sharp instinctive response to that.
What on earth happens when your child has to go to the dentist, or to school? It's two hours at a bloody birthday party.

ragged · 20/05/2012 12:29

Dentist + school are required, attendance at a baby's party when baby won't even notice, otoh, should not be compulsory.

I like what 2rebecca said, too.

I get it, OP, I have confirmed DC would attend a party only to discover they loathed the idea soon after, for no good reason, either. They can behave like nightmares when they are that reluctant to be there. More than obvious to anybody paying attention.

I would try to persuade her to go at least briefly but say she isn't feeling well (true enough in my mind), and stay until/if she wanted to leave early.

Original poster
complexo · 20/05/2012 13:13

Update. I was getting ready to go buy the present and she came to say that she changed her mind and wanted to go to the party. I said fine, would like to come and buy the presents too? And she said yes and was looking forward to see the birthday boy. Dh than decided to give up the outing and stay alone at home. Everything happen whit out big tantrums or arguments and every one is happy and the day is not ruined. I don't know why people got the impression there was a big tantrum and a 5 year old was ruling my life. At the end of the day my crap awful parenting proved to be not too bad, I gave her choices, respected her feelings and she made up her mind all by herself. It shows me that she is getting more mature and she how I should play my role from now on. It was a good lesson for the three of us. Also there was never a stress for days and days and me worried about this, I just raised a subject that was in my mind last night to see what other people's thoughts are. I appreciate that people disagree with me and I had no intention of making them agree nor follow what they say. MINUTE for me is just a hobby for boring time at home. Must remember to go to CHat next time

OP posts:
BupcakesandCunting · 20/05/2012 13:17

Well, you've seen what people's thoughts are and you didn't like it (despite being a fan of honesty) I don't see what this little exercise has achieved to be perfectly honest. Except made yourself look a bit socially inept. But I'm sure you've got a sarky response for that.

Maryz · 20/05/2012 13:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
complexo · 20/05/2012 13:29

Whatever. Bidet

OP posts:
ohforfoxsake · 20/05/2012 13:30

Glad it all worked out for you Smile

vigglewiggle · 20/05/2012 13:33

I'm not sure what lesson your daughter has learned - other than that she can get you to dance to her tune. You have clearly learned that you are willing to be led a merry dance, so good luck for the future.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 20/05/2012 13:34

Grin bidet

Mambonumber4 · 20/05/2012 13:36

just to let you know, I fell out with a friend of 15 years after her child told me "he couldnt be bothered" to come to DS party and she backed him.

You accepted on her behalf because she is 5. That should have been the end of the discussion. All you have taught her is it is ok to be rude and let people down if we feel like it.

Original poster
complexo · 20/05/2012 13:40

I will agree to disagree with whoever disagrees with me.

OP posts:
BupcakesandCunting · 20/05/2012 13:59

Oh bugger off, OP.

ilovesooty · 20/05/2012 14:07

I'd have said exactly the same if you'd posted in Chat.

What you proposed was rude.

Could I ask whether English is your first language? If not, perhaps social expectations are different in your home country.

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