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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell these people that DD doesn't want to go to the B'day party?

155 replies

complexo · 19/05/2012 20:18

So, we were invited to this B'day party tomorrow and DD doesn't want to go...I have already confirmed attendance and I don't want to use a lame excuse...or should I?
They are not best friends, but they are a very nice couple and always invite us to their childrens b'days, christening and etc, I met the woman during a course, and we do bump into each other ocasionally as we live near. Their children are younger than mine, my daughter enjoyed playing with them at the beggining but it has been a long time and she lost interest.
Also DH is palnning for us to go for a meal I thought I could pop in on the way just to wish happy birthday and leave a gift, but now with daughter not going he won't be happy to do it either, as he doesn't know them and is not ery keen on socials outside family...

OP posts:
vigglewiggle · 19/05/2012 23:36

If you go for a meal with your DH, where is your DD going? Is she going somewhere else or with you?

Have you told her these alternative plans? If so, you have already planted the seed in her mind about not going to the party and are even more to blame!

BupcakesandCunting · 19/05/2012 23:37

Honestly, what are you teaching your child? That you can only do things if you 100% enjoy them? You're not exactly setting her in good stead for school/work where she absolutely will not enjoy herself all of the time.

AlbertoFrog · 19/05/2012 23:38

I thought 5 year olds loved parties. Any excuse to dress up and eat rubbish and play games. Are the adults here projecting negativity by any chance?

If you can't get your DD excited about attending this party then bribery is always an option.

Oh and if the party is for a 3 year old then there'll be plenty of time to go out for dinner afterwards so noone loses.

Maryz · 19/05/2012 23:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thebody · 19/05/2012 23:39

Life is too short, do what suits your family unit!

BupcakesandCunting · 19/05/2012 23:39

And I seriously doubt that you would be happy with honesty if it meant that your daughter had no friends around when it was time for her to blow out the candleson her cake because her guests were bored.

You sound like a bunch of miseries, to be honest. DD won't like a party with presumably fun things going on, DH doesn't much like mixing with people that aren't fahhhhmily and you are happy to indulge them. The woman that invited you sounds lovely. I feel bad for her and her child.

Nobhead · 19/05/2012 23:44

OP if you post on AIBU then you have to expect that some people will disagree with you and have a different opinion- that's the way it is. You seem very defensive. Judging by your comments about the gift you never got thanked for, I bet if the shoe where on the other foot and the kids you'd invited to your DD's party didn't show up because, well, frankly they couldn't be arsed your little "princess" would be distraught and you would throw a shit fit at the parents.

pictish · 19/05/2012 23:50

Of course she would Nobhead.

In fact, if one child showed up at her is-a-person-and-has-feelings daughter's birthday party, and asked to leave after 10 minutes because they were bored, the OP would think "what a miserable rude child, and what an indulgent soft arsed parent" just like the rest of us.

And of course, she would be right.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 19/05/2012 23:50

why so much anger?

Because you are apparently seeking validation for letting down a 5yo, on utterly lame grounds.

Most people find that inexcusable.

Original poster
complexo · 19/05/2012 23:50

i don't mind honesty, I don't like agression.
You don't know me I don't know you, why all the agression, have I offended anyone here.

Look my husband doesn't like to socials, he never goes anywhere, he does not have friends, he likes to drink his beer at home and do things in family.
awful, awful man.

My 5 year old is behaving the way she is now and for some bizarre reason she does not want ot go, awful girl.

And I am trying to find a solution, awful me.

The party is for the 1 year old, the brother is 3.

And also the host always make loads of yummy food from her country and I always eat a lot when I go, much better than spend money on a restaurant (daughter would come along, someone asked above).

And most of you are who sound like a bunch of miseries, using online agression for the fun of it.
Nice

OP posts:
Maryz · 19/05/2012 23:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BupcakesandCunting · 19/05/2012 23:59

OP, we've said what you wanted to hear albeit in a way that you don't like.

You wanted us to say "Of course you shouldn't go! Your DH's meal is more important than anything else and of course your DD will enjoy siting in a restaurant way more than being at a kid's party with cake/games. YANBU" but we said "Don't take her because you are a bunch of miseries."

Stop being such a brat, tuck your bottom lip in and take your DD to the Toby Carvery or whichever shitehole your DH wants to stuff his fisog at tomorrow. You'll be doing the hosts a favour in the long run and probably saving a domestic when your DH chucks a benny because he missed out on his dinner.

thebody · 19/05/2012 23:59

Just do what u want to do! That's what all of us do. What's the problem here tbh???

halcyondays · 19/05/2012 23:59

If she has always liked birthday parties before, how come she doesn't want to go to this one? Unless they dislike parties in general, most 5 years old wouldn't be too bothered about whether it was someone they knew well or was two years younger. They'd just be thinking about playing games and having party food at that age.

I'd think it really strange if someone left a party after half an hour unless they became unwell or something.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 19/05/2012 23:59

I'm feeling quite cross; does that help to explain the agression thing?

BawdyStrumpet · 20/05/2012 00:04

"she will decide how long to stay" Here you drop them, and collect them 2 or 2.5 hours later and accept a party bag with grace. And when you have a child, part of the package is doing things you are not particularly interested in. For me, personally, I try to use this as an opportunity to look at things with fresh eyes. If that doesn't work, well then I put my "smile" on and appreciate that dd is having a good time.

Some people are just so up themselves...

SinicalSanta · 20/05/2012 00:04

The problem is she's letting down a child on her birthday and the parents who've planned all this out. She promised and now can't be arsed and us now in high dudgeon that she's not getting validated for it.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 20/05/2012 00:05

Indeed, Bawds.

SinicalSanta · 20/05/2012 00:06

Two hours. I mean I ask you.

Original poster
complexo · 20/05/2012 00:08

as I said before...
Nice

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 20/05/2012 00:10

No one's being "aggressive". Do you always behave like this when people don't give you positive strokes?

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 20/05/2012 00:10

The OP's and her husband's and her CHILD's time is terribly important though, Sin.

BawdyStrumpet · 20/05/2012 00:10

It is fucking annoying when invitations are accepted and then the child doesn't show. It costs real hard cash to put on a party. Fair enough if they are ill, but not showing up because you can't be arsed or have a better offer is SO rude.

Maryz · 20/05/2012 00:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SinicalSanta · 20/05/2012 00:19

Never mind us, complexo.
Its the family who invited you, who you should be thinking of. They'll ne thinking this.
I don't get why two three hours is such a big deal. There are 24in a day. You can still go to lunch with your husband. If necedsa