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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell these people that DD doesn't want to go to the B'day party?

155 replies

complexo · 19/05/2012 20:18

So, we were invited to this B'day party tomorrow and DD doesn't want to go...I have already confirmed attendance and I don't want to use a lame excuse...or should I?
They are not best friends, but they are a very nice couple and always invite us to their childrens b'days, christening and etc, I met the woman during a course, and we do bump into each other ocasionally as we live near. Their children are younger than mine, my daughter enjoyed playing with them at the beggining but it has been a long time and she lost interest.
Also DH is palnning for us to go for a meal I thought I could pop in on the way just to wish happy birthday and leave a gift, but now with daughter not going he won't be happy to do it either, as he doesn't know them and is not ery keen on socials outside family...

OP posts:
JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 19/05/2012 22:50

I don't like you very much, OP. [shrugs]

Original poster
complexo · 19/05/2012 22:52

would you care to tell me why?

OP posts:
BupcakesandCunting · 19/05/2012 22:53

You will let your child behave like a brat because she is being "made" to do something she might not totally like for an hour or so? Right...

  1. Try telling your child to enjoy herself rather than projecting your negative emotions onto her.
  1. Tell your child it's not on to ruin someone else's party with whining.
  1. Don't use the "my child didn't sign up for the party" as a ready excuse for her shitty behaviour. If you knew when you got the invitation that she'd be a nightmare at the party you should have declined. Not decided "I'll go grudgingly and let her ruin it"
  1. You are going to be a major obstacle in our daughter forming friendships if you indulge her every whim.
  1. Good luck with NOT raising a whiney brat.

FFS.

SinicalSanta · 19/05/2012 22:59

She's 5. You can sell her this amazing fun party, part of a great day with her favourite outfit, cake and pop and I wonder what games they'll play? And then an ice cream on the way home to dad and it will all be so much fun . Pity you can't go to.parties every day.

BupcakesandCunting · 19/05/2012 23:07

You know what OP? Don't go. If I were the birthday child's parent, I'd rather you stayed away than tuned up with a thunder face on you with a negative child in tow. I'd rather have an empty space at the table/spare party bag than you and your sulky kid casting a shadow over proceedings.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 19/05/2012 23:08

bidet bidet bidet bidet bidet bidet bidet bidet bidet bidet bidet bidet bidet bidet bidet bidet bidet bidet bidet bidet bidet bidet bidet bidet bidet bidet
Angry

BupcakesandCunting · 19/05/2012 23:10

Jenai Wink

lopsided · 19/05/2012 23:10

If you put some effort in to be positive she will enjoy it. Even if its just sitting on your knee watching the games chatting to you. No-one minds a shy child.

You sound a bit silly if you think the mum won't mind. Imagine how offended you'd be if someone called you on the day of your child's party and said that their child didn't fancy it.

PuppyMonkey · 19/05/2012 23:16

It'd probably just be best for everyone if you feign a sudden tummy bug.

5318008 · 19/05/2012 23:16

oh gawd totes don't go, make an excuse, urgh, fancy your sour fizzog glowering over the party food, you'd be doing the hosts a favour by staying away

and Let it Go wrt prev party cockup big fat apology present sitch*

HTH

*try saying THAT with yer teef out

Original poster
complexo · 19/05/2012 23:18

Thank you for all the sugestions
and
BupcakesandCunting - I am just a regular woman who happens to be a mother and not perfect in any aspect, asking a question and looking fir inout/adivice...
If you read one of my other posts when I said I would never imagine my daughter would decline an initation for a B'day party...
And yes she may be only 5 but she is a person and she has feelings...I make her go to school and swimming lessons, but she doesn't want to go and /or stay at a birthday party of a brother of a child whom she last saw 7 or 8 months ago and is 2 years younger than her, I think it is fair enough.
She didn't ask to go. She didn't know about this party until today. I received the invitation through my post box while she was at school, put aside, forgot to mention, time went fast and the party is tomorrow.
We are going to go, say happy birthday, give the present (that I even didn't buy yet, oh no, what a horrible nasty person I am) and she will decide how long to stay.
No I will not let her cry and scream and spoil the party for everybody else just to show people how not to raise a 'whiney brat',
And let me repeat, I did not know she would not want to go, IF i knew obviously I would have declined. And I wish that just TELLING her not to spoil someone's party, brush her teeth, get dressed, put the jumper back on, stop jumping on the sofa, stop picking her nose, stop bitting her nails and so on and so forth would work.
I do TELL her to do or not to do many things. Does not work every time. Did I mention she is 5?

OP posts:
pictish · 19/05/2012 23:19

I agree. Don't go. Your attitude towards this whole thing is just awful.
It seems you feel your daughter would be quite justified in being miserable about it, and you would be happy to have her decide to leave after 10 minutes if it's not to her liking.
It's supposed to be a party, they have been kind enough to include your dd (which you accepted) and you are now behaving as though their celebration is some sort of inconvenience for your indulged and pandered to 5 year old, as though she is the priority. How rude you are.
They don't need or deserve this, so stay away.

I agree with Bupcakes.

BupcakesandCunting · 19/05/2012 23:21

My child is five. If I accepted a "b'day" invitation on his behalf, I wouldn't say "oh yeah I'll take him but if he wants to leave after 5 minutes, we're off" Have you no parental control?

I still reckon it's because your child of a DH wants to go for his meal that you don't want to go.

PrematurelyAirconditioned · 19/05/2012 23:22

Yes, she's five. She knows the birthday child. She'll play games and have jelly and ice cream and a party bag. She'll have a lovely time (unless she is autistic in which case fair enough).

Original poster
complexo · 19/05/2012 23:22

well tbh I don't know why I even bother with this website.
why so much anger?

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 19/05/2012 23:22

She will decide how long to stay?

I'm with those who wonder why a 5 year old is allowed to dictate the agenda. Since you confirmed it would be good manners to go and stay for a reasonable length of time. Imagine if all the guests arrived and departed very quickly. How would you feel if it was your daughter's party and you'd gone to a lot of trouble?

Maryz · 19/05/2012 23:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BupcakesandCunting · 19/05/2012 23:25

You don't know why you bother? Because we don't agree with you? Ha! I can see why your DD is the prima donna that she sounds...

Don't go. They'd do better without you. There. That's what you wanted us to say, we've said it. Don't go. YANBU.

BupcakesandCunting · 19/05/2012 23:26

Marrrrrrryyyyyy!

Original poster
complexo · 19/05/2012 23:28

How would I feel?
I feel my happiest when people are honest with me .

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 19/05/2012 23:30

Even if it meant your daughter had guests leaving her party very soon after they arrived?

You don't seem to appreciate people's honesty on here... Hmm

vigglewiggle · 19/05/2012 23:30

I think it is more frustration than anger, borne out of experiences with parents who lack the ability to teach their children how to behave. To acquiesce to the wishes of a 5 year old who refuses to attend a birthday party ... A BIRTHDAY PARTY ... Is clearly the thin end of the wedge.

ilovesooty · 19/05/2012 23:32

And I agree with the view expressed that you seem to have decided your partner's plan to go for a meal seems more important.

SinicalSanta · 19/05/2012 23:35

Lookit its a couple of hours of cake and pop .
How does your dd normally spend an afternoon that this is a come down ? Perk up, talk it up and it'd just a couple of hours. I've been longer at the gynaecolegist

pictish · 19/05/2012 23:35

You're not very happy about the honesty you're getting now though are you?