AIBU to think that breastfeeding mums of older toddlers

[helloclitty]

should stick to their principles and ideas and do whatever they think is right. However, I don't think it's particularly healthy to tell their children to keep it a secret.

I just read an article where the women had their own reasons to still be breast feeding after 2, however, one said she only fed the younger one in public and the older one was told it was something just between them and not for public. Another bilingual child was told to ask for feed in their non English language so that people wouldn't understand what he said.

I understand why they might do this but I can't think it's particularly good to ask young children to keep secrets like this and wondered whether they should be bolder with their choice rather than secretive.

Ha ha quickhide - whenever I've ever thought about weaning I must admit that one of my first thoughts is always "but how will I Mumsnet!?"

I think the whole quote is just that, it's just longer and tries to justify it

I don't think teaching children that it's okay for adults to tell the to hide things about ANY SUBJECT is okay because the justifications do not outweigh the risks

its okay for us to disagree on where this line is and in our interpretations of it

not okay to turn this into an anti BF thread because noone on here has been anti BFing

Thank you for clarifying the whole paragraph thehouseofmirth makes a lot more sense doesn't it - when you read the whole thing.

What risks are these?

No one is telling anyone to hide anything or is it the imaginary bfeeders again you are referring to who do this?

I am leaving this thread now because I think that I am being made out to have some anti EBF agenda which is totally untrue and I find the constant barrage of accusations upsetting.

Let me get this straight - you think countess saying, she doesn't like to feed in public but will if her dc pushes - is actually countess covering up that no-one knows she feeds her dc and it's a huge secret she forces him to keep

That's so off the mark I read it out loud to dh and laughed. But then maybe that's because I know how instead older breast fed children can be.

It's like me starting a thread about teachers who beat children. I have no evidence of this and cant give any actual examples but because the world is a big place there will somewhere be teachers who do this so therefore I am going to be outraged here.

No I agree no-one is anti short term breastfeeding - but more than one poster is showing over and over again a woeful ignorance of the issues faced by long term/natural term breast feeders and perpetuating the myth that they are wierd and damaging their children.

Yes Whatnamethistime I think there is a huge gap between what the mothers actually have said and OP's interpretation of it.

I have been thinking about the 20-25 women I know personally who are feeding toddlers and young children up to the age of 5 years old (I belong to a breastfeeding support network). None have taught their children to be secretive about breastfeeding, and most would be happy to feed in public if it was necessary for some reason. However, none regularly breastfeed a child older than 2 years old in public, and all have got some 'pet name' for breastmilk (almost always a word that their child has invented themselves).

I think all this happens naturally. As children get older, they naturally keep breastfeeding as a home activity. Perhaps they are picking up on the fact that they never see other toddlers breastfeeding in public (they do ask for breastmilk when we are in each other's houses).

The much-recommended book Mothering Your Nursing Toddler (Norma Jane Bumgarner, La Leche League, 1980) actually recommends having some alternative name for breastfeeding. For most families, this is not about being 'secretive', it's about avoiding confrontation and the wrong kind of attention from ignorant people. Of course I agree that we all OUGHT to be able to breastfeed our toddlers in public, but you can't blame mums for trying to avoid hassle.

hello thing is your OP doesn't actually reflect in context the actual article you read as quoted by thehouse and if you think the reaction you have had here is upsetting - try being on the receiving end of some of the comments about ebf I and some of the other posters on here hbe.

Maybe if someone accused you of being perverted and that you need to be investigated by social services for your choice of breast feeding then you would understand the issues. As it is, threads like this - when they remain unchallenged make extended breat feeding even harder.

I love the closeness that's comes from feeding them, I'm very proud of it as well, I simply don't like being ridiculed for it - so I chose to keep it private.

the secrecy line is pretty black and white to me, it is a no no in relation to ANY subject, the poster I quoted crossed that line for me, I appreciate that the line is elsewhere or blurred for others (or even for some there is no line and nothing bad can come from children thining it's okay for trusted adults to ask them to keep secrets)

had the quote been about anything other than EBF, the line would still be crossed in my mind. IMO nothing is worth it! which is why it is ridiculous to make this an anti EBF thing, it is an anti asking children to decieve thing - disagree with me about whether it is in fact decieving or not, fine! but since I would hold the same view if it was about ANY OTHER TOPIC AT ALL then anyone who sees me as anti EBF is just seeing what they want to to prove their own point (and is wrong!)

Why is there so many people who don't think long term breast feeding is a good idea. Is it just because they are conditioned to think this. And how do people decide when to stop.

I didn't experience any, but then I didn't see it where it's not either!

(I don't doubt it exists, but if this thread is anything to go by, the EXTENT to which is exists is inflated by some!)

You misrepresented the poster you quoted - because you are desperate not to be proved wrong - this isn't a general thread or a thread about anything else, it's a thread about extended breast feeding.

That poster is clear in her whole post that she will feed in public - I actually don't like boobies being screamed at me in public - I just hadn't thought to give them a different name - will do with next one though.

Or do you think countess is lying about feeding in public.

Id love to meet a 3/4 year old who would keep sonehibg they have been doing all their life secret - that fact anyone thinks it's possibly shows a lack if understanding of how ebf works tbh.

Bollox is it exaggerated monkey - I'll tell you what - you try openly breast feeding a 3.5 year old, in front of everyone you know - see how long it takes for someone to comment to you. Or perhaps read the link I posted earlier where one of the posters mothers was called a pervert and she was bullied.

In the unlikely event of women 'forcing' the children to keep ebf a secret I still don't see any long term harm as the children will undoubtedly forget all about it once weaned. My ds was being bf privately (not secretly ) at just over 3, a year later he's forgotten all about ever having Mummy milk let alone the circumstances he was fed in!

whatnamethistime I said that your points where you disagree with where the line about secrecy was were FAIR ENOUGH, I picked my point and stick to it at home with DS in relation to all subjects, it may be somewhere else, it may be a bit grey, you can prove me wrong on THAT point if you like, interested to hear what you think my policy should be and where i draw the line re secrets

however you choose to completely ignore me when I say my issue is with deception about anything, and not specifically EBF at all. you are wrong about that!

You are seeing this, as you say, in black and white. Life and breastfeeding is not as simple as this.

you exaggerate it to the point of including me, that IS an exaggeratiion of the amt of anti EBF people around by at least one person!

I think monkey you are ignoring the fact this is a thread about ebf and also that so far no examples of ebf and secrecy have been provided.

I don't think I'm exaggerating in relation to you - your twisting of countess posts says more on it's own than a million posts from me.

monkeymoma - I'm the poster you quoted.

I'm interested in your interpretation of what I said, as I am very aware of the risks of sexual abuse and deliberately use correct names for genitalia etc and encourage my child to be open with me about anything he likes, we do 'surprises', not secrets.

I read the suggestion to call bf something else in a La Leche League book when I was pregnant. I was daunted at the thought of bfing a speaking child but accepted that I might follow WHO recommendations and it seemed like a good idea for places like restaurants etc. The word we use is 'mama', which is perfect because other adults automatically find me if he says it. Teaching my child our social/cultural norms is important, and it is more acceptable for a child - especially a very tall, looking older than his years child - to shout 'Mama' rather than 'boobie' in Pizza Express.

He knows that 'mama' is also called mummy milk/boobie - and he will use these terms if he feels he needs to make himself clearer.

I hope this allays your fears for my child.