AIBU to think that breastfeeding mums of older toddlers

[helloclitty]

should stick to their principles and ideas and do whatever they think is right. However, I don't think it's particularly healthy to tell their children to keep it a secret.

I just read an article where the women had their own reasons to still be breast feeding after 2, however, one said she only fed the younger one in public and the older one was told it was something just between them and not for public. Another bilingual child was told to ask for feed in their non English language so that people wouldn't understand what he said.

I understand why they might do this but I can't think it's particularly good to ask young children to keep secrets like this and wondered whether they should be bolder with their choice rather than secretive.

It was in the Times. I'll try and re find it but it should be easy to google.

rainbow, there are ways to keep things private or for home which are IMO fine, and there are ways of going about it which IMO are not good. Not everyone who chooses to keep EBF private do it the same way (not that one MUST keep it private, but if that is what is chosen, there are a spectrum of ways of doing it! - like with anything! )

eeden they ask - and its a hugely effective way of calming a tantrum.

And older child can be somewhat - persistent when they want feeding to say the least - it's embarrassing to be holding off a tantrumming toddler while they have your boob by the nipple trying to get it out of your bra

I breastfed my son till he was 4. It would have seemed strange to tell him to keep it a secret! Very sad . Nobody ever criticised me, but then by that age we didn't do it in public, as he didn't need it so much, only a couple of times a day. It was before he went to school so who was there to tell?

Honestly, keeping breastfeeding a secret. Bizarre.

I agree. I fed my DD until she was two and would probably be doing it now if it wasn't for circumstance. However I can't imagine telling DD to lie, having said that I would worry about bullying. I stopped BF DD at 18 months in publice partly because I didn't want to deal with other people's reactions.

I know of noone who bf an older child make it a secret in such a way that would damage the child in any way. You're looking for something that isnt there.

I've never known a group of 4 year olds sit round in a circle and discuss how they are given milk.....

I don't think that anyone was asking her to keep it a secret or lie, just that it was something to do at home. I would be the same with an older child.

4 year olds are not likely to sit around discussing it, it isn't a very interesting topic.

there are ways of going about potty training that I think is damaging, that doesn't mean that I think potty training is wrong, that doesn't mean that I am just looking for ways to make digs at all people who potty train, that doesn't mean I have no experience of potty training.

Congratulations though for finding a whole new way that extended bf damages children, I'm genuinely impressed

PS I assume this is the Times article with the cockawful comments by Clare Byam Cook and Mark Porter at the end. I've been avoiding reading it because I know it will wind me up. Luckily it looks like it's subscription only.

My dd is 2 and a half. She asked for mummy milk in sainsburys today, very loudly indeed. An I'm ashamed to say I cringed and shhhed her.

monkeymama the 2 aren't comparable - everyone potty trains, relatively few people long term breast feed - and those that do are more than used to the negative connotations that go with it.

We are well aware it's frowned upon by the masses.

The best way to ensure that people who are breastfeeding their children as long as their children want them to (IE in a biologically normal way) is to make sure that the whole of society loses its fucking ridiculous hang-ups about this and accepts it and STFU with its hang ups. Then no-one would feel the need, to tell their child to keep it secret.

So whenever you hear someone talk shit about breastfeeding or full term breastfeeding, contradict them and tell them what's what - that full term breastfeeding is biologically normal and that they should get over their pathetic hangups. You will then be contributing to the climate change we need, so that no one feels the need for secrecy any more. I think that's all you can do for now.

eeden natural term breast feeding is about a lot more than providing food. That's why older toddlers may need to be fed in public.

Whatnamethistime is quite right when she says that these mothers are hardly keeping it a secret when they have been photographed breast feeding their older toddlers and agreed for theses photos to appear in a national newspaper.

Tbh I used to think that ebf was creepy and weird, plenty of my friends think it's creepy and weird, and my family think it's creepy and weird - and yet here I am bfing a 3.5 yo. So perhaps it's perfectly possible for other people to make decisions which are right for them and their children without me having to wear a lactivist tshirt the whole time?

I think HC that you have never bf an older child and can't quite conceive of how it works.

Older children rarely feed out and about, they rarely want to and even if they do their mothers may not...

Some mothers never feed their baby in public at all, so what. Most mothers have a word for a feed because a two year old bellowing 'boobs now' isn't particularly socially acceptable. It would be unreasonable to expect mothers who bf to be immune to feelings of embarrassment or fear of their child being publicly humiliated.

This doesn't keep bf secret in any sinister way, it is a major daily fact for anyone involved in the child's life. They hysterical insinuations that some privacy is on a par with an inappropriate adult child relationship does insinuate their is a(nother) problem with term feeding.

Is it possible there are a tiny minority of parents whose odd attitudes and poor parenting overspill into their bf relstiondhip? It has to be possible but bf will, in that case, probably still be one of the successes of the mother and child dyad.

There was a little piece from a doctor and a bf "expert" in that article which suggests that there is only a limited amount of nutritional value in bf a baby past one....

One of the mothers bf a child that was six!!

"They hysterical insinuations that some privacy is on a par with an inappropriate adult child relationship does insinuate their is a(nother) problem with term feeding. "

I have at no stage mentioned anything like this.

And your point is?

You give two examples, neither of which show secret keeping and suggest doing so causes harm.

Another poster extended this into groundwork for grooming.

Actually it is a non issue-non of anyone else's business, non identical, non contentious unless you have a very particular agenda.

havingabath
In your opinion they don't show secrecy. In others opinions they do show secrecy.

I am genuinely lost and don't understand your last sentence in your last post, sorry

I don't think anyone on this thread, except the You hello thinks your examples show secrecy.

I think you should look deeper at your own beliefs because from where I'm sat, you disapprove of long term breast feeding, even if you haven't realised it yourself yet.

Sadly I've come across enough ill informed judgemental views on this topic, to recognise them when I see them.

People who are uncomfortable with the constant jibe thrown at them for lOng term breast feeding - are not setting their children up for a life time of secrecy and potential abuse, which is the message behind this thread.

As a long term breast feeder - who only feeds at home - and tells dc so - I'm exactly the type of breast feeder you are referring to.

It's not a secret - but I don't see why o should subject myself or my children to nasty comments to prove a point.

I find this thread, and the insinuations I, and others like me, are damaging our children, massively offensive.

Well for what is lost in translation:

yabu!