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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked at an acquaintance who is an active Christian, but has been having a 5 year affair

109 replies

EatsBrainsAndLeaves · 19/05/2012 14:02

I probably am being as this doesn't personally affect me.

But this woman is a Christian who is very active in her local church - on the PCC and talks about her faith a lot. Yet she is having an affair with a married man who has 2 kids and has been for 5 years. She also gets some money from him to help with her bills.

I know the married man is most to blame as he is being unfaithful to his wife. But I just think she is so hypocritical to talk about Christian values a lot and yet behave in such an unchristian way. And it does annoy me.

OP posts:
Fisharefriendsnotfood · 19/05/2012 14:03

Do you really think all Christians lead an exemplary life? I would say you are naive if you think people are as they appear..

comelywench · 19/05/2012 14:05

You're not being unreasonable, it's a sad state of affairs, but a the end of the day Christians are still human and make mistakes just like anyone else. Christianity's not about being perfect, it's about knowing you aren't and having faith in God. One would've hoped this lady wasn't living like this tho

dontlaugh · 19/05/2012 14:05

Is she married? If not, then YABU. She's not the one breaking her Christian vows, he is.

Mrsjay · 19/05/2012 14:05

christians are Human who make Human mistakes just because somebody goes to church on a sunday doesnt mean they are better than anybody else cheating isnt unchristian its Immoral imo and even christians can be Immoral

MirandaGoshawk · 19/05/2012 14:06

Hmm. We all fall short of perfection, but we keep trying to follow Christ's teachings.

YANBU, I agree with you. She should know that it's wrong & not do it. Are you sure of your facts?

Clytaemnestra · 19/05/2012 14:06

Is there a bible quote about "Thou must not sleep with married men"?

DPrince · 19/05/2012 14:07

Lots of people pick and choose which bit of their religion they want to follow. Religious people are not morally perfect. But she does look a complete hypocrite now. Her reputation will take a bashing for being the ow and being a hypocrite.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 19/05/2012 14:09

YANBU to think she's a hypocrite.

I was Shock when I discovered someone my DP knows well is not only a "devout christian" (yeah right!) but a routine shoplifter too, despite banging on about her faith a lot. She sees nothing wrong with what she does as she only steals from "the big stores" Hmm yeah coz that cancels out all the wrong doesn't it?! Thou shalt not steal clearly passed her by completely!

I think it's always a shock when people we think are incredibly nice and sensible and never put a foot wrong, fuck up utterly.

StrandedPolarBear · 19/05/2012 14:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
EatsBrainsAndLeaves · 19/05/2012 14:10

Yes I am sure of my facts as she has told me this. I haven't heard it second hand. She is not married and I know everyone makes mistakes. But 5 years is a long time to carry on with a mistake. i would feel differently tbh if she had been having an affair for a few months - but to do this for 5 years - yes I do find it shocking. Maybe I am naive?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 19/05/2012 14:11

I don't know why you're shocked?

Do you know or know of anyone in this world who hasn't 'committed a sin?'

QueenEdith · 19/05/2012 14:11

Fornication is also condemned (see eg St Paul).

hiveofbees · 19/05/2012 14:14

Christianity doesnt make people perfect, and some people are 'christian' for social reasons rather than because they have any particular belief.

Original poster
EatsBrainsAndLeaves · 19/05/2012 14:16

She talks a lot about her faith and beliefs and the importance of them to her. So she doesn't come across as being a Christian only for social reasons - although obviously I have no idea what her real motivation is.

OP posts:
JoanOfNark · 19/05/2012 14:16

Theres a lot of things condemned in the bible that we all do every day.
I think the religious thing is a pretence, its your own morality that has been offended, her religious beliefs are both irrelevant and none of your concern.

jaquelinehyde · 19/05/2012 14:19

Some of the biggest wankers I know claim to be devote christians.

Humans are very good at ignoring anything that doesn't fit in with what they want to do in life.

Original poster
EatsBrainsAndLeaves · 19/05/2012 14:22

Jacqueline - I think you are right that humans are very good at ignoring things they want to, but I really don't want this to turn into a Christian bashing thread.

OP posts:
QueenEdith · 19/05/2012 14:25

A lot of Christianity is all about what happens when people sin. It's taken as read that all will sin, whether through weakness or deliberate fault, but that person is still worthy of respect and neighbourly love.

But the individual is also exhorted to avoid sinning and to shun opportunity to sin, and to seek forgiveness and life a better life. It looks, from what you have posted, that she does not have a firm purpose to change, and without that, it is hard to see how she can truly seek forgiveness.

Northernlurker · 19/05/2012 14:27

Well the woman is wrong to do this, as is the married man. However we're all sinners and it's a foolish and misguided Christian indeed who claims either that they are blameless or that they would never do such a thing. A 5 year affair implies a deep relationship. It's on a flawed footing but plainly very complex for those involved. Does she believe that ultimately he will end his marriage?

FreudianSlipper · 19/05/2012 14:33

religious beliefs often go out of the window when someone is driven to do something through love, fear, greed or desire

she is human and does Christianity not teach to be understanding and to forgive

i am sure she struggles with the situation and her beliefs herself

Original poster
EatsBrainsAndLeaves · 19/05/2012 14:33

Northern - She hopes he will end his marriage to be with her. Yes I am being unreasonable to not be more understanding Blush. But yes it does offend my personal moral values

OP posts:
ll31 · 19/05/2012 14:38

cant see how it offends your personal moral values tbh. Its none of your business. I suggest you try and develop some forgiveness and compassion or alternatively try concentrating on your own life

AmberLeaf · 19/05/2012 14:42

Thou shalt not covet?

Original poster
EatsBrainsAndLeaves · 19/05/2012 14:42

ll31 - I just meant that I do think it is wrong. But I know it is none of my business.

OP posts:
Northernlurker · 19/05/2012 14:42

She's got herself in a proper pickle then. Oh dear. From her perspective I suspect that she feels she cannot break off the realtionship now because then it makes it all for nothing iyswim. If she continues and they DO get married then that somehow gives it some validation. Do you see what I mean. She's wrong to think that but people tell themselves a lot of stupid things when they're in love. This is why Christians are urged not to 'yoke' (interesting phraseGrin) themselves with unbelievers or those who aren't living a Christian life. Because if and when you do everything gets very hard and confusing. If I was speaking to your friend I think I would urge her to break with this man until he has resolved his marital situation. What's done is done and can't be fixed but she can make a change now. If he hasn't left in 5 years I don't think he intends to leave actually and in telling your friend that he will do, he has deceived her as much as he's deceived his wife. Poor lass. I expect she hates herself Sad