To be shocked at an acquaintance who is an active Christian, but has been having a 5 year affair

[EatsBrainsAndLeaves]

I probably am being as this doesn't personally affect me.

But this woman is a Christian who is very active in her local church - on the PCC and talks about her faith a lot. Yet she is having an affair with a married man who has 2 kids and has been for 5 years. She also gets some money from him to help with her bills.

I know the married man is most to blame as he is being unfaithful to his wife. But I just think she is so hypocritical to talk about Christian values a lot and yet behave in such an unchristian way. And it does annoy me.

don'tlaugh - He is more to blame IMO. But I don't know him, I do know her. That is why I am posting about her

dontlaugh

The thread was about the woman. That is probably why people have tended to talk about her.

I expect if the OP said "I know 2 people having an affair, the man is marrried and the woman isnt, who is most to blame" then the thread would have read differently.

YANBU. Some of the most unchristian people I know are regular churchgoers. The vicar of our local church actually left the church completely after he had an affair with a parishioner.

I meant yabu to be shocked, yes
disgusted, no

Ok, I accept this is about her. Yes, she is BU to have an affair whilst still actively proclaiming her Christianity.
She will end up the worst off, as clearly after 5 years this man is never going to leave his wife.
I feel sorry for her.

He's still a b*stard though Runs away.

She is an 'active' Christian, isn't she? Sorry, childish...

Umm, 'judge you not, lest you be judged'? I

snort at active

I'm an atheist myself. But that doesn't mean that there isn't truth in Christianity, which would include this bit. BTW the Pharisee in this case isn't you, it's me, because I would judge her too.

'9 To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else, Jesus told this parable: 10 ?Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11 The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ?God, I thank you that I am not like other people?robbers, evildoers, adulterers?or even like this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.?

13 ?But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ?God, have mercy on me, a sinner.?

14 ?I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.?

Yes dontlaugh he is a bastard. I totally agree

I don't look down on the shagging - it's the prosletising (sp)

No need to run away, dontlaugh, I (and I expect many others) agree with you. He is a bastard adulterer and he is most to blame for the affair. After 5 years he will never leave his wife although I hope she rumbles him and kicks his sorry arse out. And I feels sorry for her too, despite hypocrisy being one of my personal bugbears. Which is why I wonder why she told the OP about the affair. Does she want commiserations on how unfair life is, or help in kicking what she must know is an unhealthy habit? Because she must have had a reason to tell OP. Anyone who can keep a secret for 5 years can probably keep it indefinitely, so she must have had a reason to break cover.

Worra it sounds like she's coveting (and more) someone else's ass though

what a mess

When she told you OP, was she ashamed/embarrassed?

re But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ?God, have mercy on me, a sinner.? - the whole point is that the tax collector knew he was getting things wrong, he was repentant. It's quite another thing if you don't know, or you do know but don't care.

She is getting this massively wrong and she will already be suffering the consequences of what she is doing. Inappropriate sexual goings on are, of course, not unusual in the church but there is a big difference between knowing it's wrong and wanting to get out but feeling trapped, and ignoring that it's wrong.

It is wrong though, so imo YANBU to be shocked - she purports to follow a religious practise that specifically states that what she is doing is wrong; it's not a grey area. Does her vicar know? If her vicar doesn't know then ask your friend why not? I'd also use the A word when you talk to her about it: adultery, which is what this is.

Remember, though, what Jesus said about the woman accused of adultery: Let those among you who are without sin cast the first stone'. I am not a Christian, but surely that shoudl be the Christian position?

YANU to be annoyed.

I don't subscribe to the "she's done nothing wrong as she's not married herself" view. Shagging a married man is wrong ....both parties here are in the wrong.

No once leads an exemplary life, not even active Christians, but every one, Christian or not should try not to repeat their "sins".

Mardy, you don't judge but you do call it what it is. Jesus called it what it was with the adulterous woman (then told her to go her way and 'sin no more' ie stop doing it). The main reason God hates 'sin' is because it harms us so much - this will be doing this woman massive harm psychologically, emotionally, spiritually. Not to mention the cuckolded wife. I find it hard not to judge the bloke, mind

Mardy: "Remember, though, what Jesus said about the woman accused of adultery: Let those among you who are without sin cast the first stone'. I am not a Christian, but surely that shoudl be the Christian position?"

Hmm, no-one's proposing stoning her, though, are they? They're just being mildly critical.

In any case, the occasional sin or wrongdoing is one thing. Having an affair with a married man for five years suggests to me a quite extraordinary laxity in one's moral code.

I know an 'active' christian who had an affair with another 'active' christian whilst his wife was dying. Hence why i am of little faith. I also know 'active' christians who have lied, stolen and taken the lords name in vain.

I think you need to be less naive.

'Hmm, no-one's proposing stoning her, though, are they? They're just being mildly critical.'

Obviously I don't know him personally but I reckon Jesus was speaking metaphorically- like the old line about the mote in your nrighbour's eye and the beam in your own.
Yes, it's sad and vexing when people don't live up to their principles, but Im more concerned that I live up to MINE.

My married mother who is a committed Christian, church every Sunday, volunteers 5 days a week for the church had an affair with the married Bishop!

TSC I clearly posted upthread when someone did start Christian bashing that i didn't want this to be a Christian bashing thread. This thread is not about saying all Christians are like x, y and z. And lots of Christians have given their reasoned opinion on this including talking about the concept of sin, the bible and the church.

springydaffs - She was slightly embarassed when she told me.

I have no idea if her Vicar or the other members of the PCC know and I don't think its my place to say anything to them either.

Plenty of Christians have sex outside marriage, many of them for years and years and years. Very few people are shocked, but from St Paul's POV they're all appalling fornicators, (and those of us who are married are just showing that we're too weak willed to be properly chaste).

Christians are sinful, like everyone else. That's why they recognise they need constant forgiveness.