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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think there is no need for posts like this

151 replies

tenby81 · 17/05/2012 07:31

Bit of background. I have faced a number of bereavements in recent years. (including mum,dad and a sibling)
I have also experienced pregnancy loss.
I have read post where people are complaining that their mum gave their dc sweets of whatever and thought "well at least you have a mum". In my defence this was about 2 weeks after mums death.
However, I would never actually post this on a thread because I could appreciate how op may feel.
Yet, I have seen a number of threads recently where people have done just that.
AIBU to think that although understandable this shouldn't be done.

OP posts:
BenderBendingRodriguez · 17/05/2012 07:32

There's no need for most posts on internet message boards tbf.

ScarletLadyOfTheNight01 · 17/05/2012 07:36

Whilst I really do understand how hard it must be for you...I'm very close to my Mum and don't know what I'll do when she goes, which I have to think about a lot as she has terminal cancer...you can't expect everyone in the world to be sensitive towards people they know nothing about, it's unrealistic.

Maybe if you're finding certain forums difficult, just give them a break for a while.

wheremommagone · 17/05/2012 07:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EatsBrainsAndLeaves · 17/05/2012 07:43

YANBU OP. But people do post sometimes the first thing that comes into their head without thinking it through.

I am sorry for your loss

AllYoursBabooshka · 17/05/2012 07:46

Things don't have to be catastrophic to be problematic.

I understand it must be hard on you to read about posters feeling irked by their families but that's what family is all about, The ups and downs and people should be able to feel what they like and post about it.

Sparklingbrook · 17/05/2012 07:47

I know what you mean I think. When I see all the moany MIL threads I just wish my MIL was still here. I wouldn't invade the thread and say 'Well at least you have a MIL to moan about' though.

I think some people just post their thoughts. They have no filter. Sad

EatsBrainsAndLeaves · 17/05/2012 07:48

allyours - Unless I have it wrong, I think the OP is saying exactly what you just said

ScarletLadyOfTheNight01 · 17/05/2012 07:50

I've just re-read that actually and I think EatsBrains is right. Op, is it more people who post saying things like "well at least you have this and that" that you have an issue with? Sorry if I misunderstood, it's early and I've had not much sleep >_

ScarletLadyOfTheNight01 · 17/05/2012 07:50

I've not had much sleep ...sorry that reads terribly.

jamdonut · 17/05/2012 07:51

I do feel for you. Lost my mum to cancer secondaries just over 2 years ago. I also think that people complaining about things like sweets,food and toys given to their children by their mothers is a bit OTT. That's what Grandmothers are for,indulging children. Mothers are there to tut and make rules. I wish mine were still here to indulge my children.Sad

AllYoursBabooshka · 17/05/2012 07:51

Oh my goodness your right! Sorry OP. I completely agree with you. :o

AllYoursBabooshka · 17/05/2012 07:52

You're*

I think you and I need to finish our coffees before we post Scarlet!

EatsBrainsAndLeaves · 17/05/2012 07:53

Grin This is the problem with asking for comments in the morning. We are all half awake or have had little sleep and so as MNers are even more incoherent than normal

ScarletLadyOfTheNight01 · 17/05/2012 07:55

I'll have a coffee if you're offering most definitely...my lack of sleep is mostly self inflicted though...we stayed up late watching silly stuff...then my DD decided to wake up at 4.30 >_

MsVestibule · 17/05/2012 07:57

I agree OP. "I've just found out my 12 yr old DD is taking skunk" - well at least you've got a DD. "My DH is being emotionally and financially abusive - count yourself lucky to have a DH, etc, etc.

It's very "woe is me". They might as well tell the OP to stop whinging. FGS, problems on AIBU don't have to be as serious as the problems in Syria of Greece!

thebody · 17/05/2012 08:10

Mmm not sure tbh some people do seem to moan about wierd things that can seem trivial( to others) but are real issues to them.

Sometimes it just pusses people off if they have had a horrendous experience and then someone posts how much they hate their child eating non organic ice cream for example.

At the end of the day it's a free posting sight and thankfully everyone and anyone can join in.

If u don't like it don't post or read.

So sorry about your mum, very tough.

But yrbu.

EatsBrainsAndLeaves · 17/05/2012 08:13

I have had someone post it though on a thread about a real problem with my mum. I got the - well my mum is dead, just be grateful you have a mum. Sad for the poster, but not very helpful. But other posters basicallysaid that to her.

Northernlurker · 17/05/2012 08:15

I agree with you OP. Very ocasionally the OP does need a reality check - I remember one thread about gender selection where the OP very definately needed to get a grip - but more often it is a case of don't comment if it winds you up so much.

Callisto · 17/05/2012 08:20

It also depends on the problem. A minor, sweet-giving problem that someone is moaning about always makes me think 'at least you have a mum' (lost mine to advanced MS complications a year ago) and if the poster is particularly whingy over nothing (in particular bitching about free childcare from parents gets my goat) I will say something along the lines of 'count your blessings' or 'suck it up'. However, I would never say it over real problems like emotional abuse etc.

CallMeAl · 17/05/2012 08:38

depends. Sometimes its "my mums so mean, she minds my kids everyday for free but won't give them the brand of milk I prefer", or some other bullshit, and I don't see whats wrong with "cop yourself on you daft tart and appreciate your sainted mother while you're lucky enough to have one".

StealthPolarBear · 17/05/2012 08:45

completely agree OP. WHile I agree you have to count your blessings, I do hate the dismissive posts.

tallwivglasses · 17/05/2012 08:47

I'm with you OP. There was a light-hearted thread recently talking about the drivel kids talk - how they go on-and-on-and-on, drive them up the wall, etc. I so wanted to say 'Be thankful they can talk!!! Talk back to them ffs!'

DS has ASD and is non-verbal. I sat on my hands though because I didn't want to ruin what was quite a funny thread.

I'm sorry you've had such a tough time of it OP.

Psammead · 17/05/2012 08:49

Agree, OP. Competitive misery is unnecessary. I wonder how peoole get through their lives with such a lack of empathy towards others problems when they are constantly comparing them to their own.

Sorry for your losses.

IAmNotACowbag · 17/05/2012 09:00

Agree with you OP. Sometimes I do think it to myself but wouldn't post it as it's not helpful in any way!

Frontpaw · 17/05/2012 09:04

I know what you mean. I've lost both parents and sometimes when you read of a row over something (minor) and they 'will never speak to mum/dad again' - do feel a bit... Well probably jealous (I should have such a problem!). Sometimes if its something trivial in the great scheme of things I may post that maybe they should try to mend bridges and that lifes too short, but its not my job to tell the OP that they are being silly/irrational... I certainly wouldn't be abusive or rude (on purpose anyway).

Some days it strikes you harder than others and I wish people had told me to visit my mum before she died (she didn't want peoole to visit so I stayed away).