for being pissed off for being told shush by a friend with a sleeping baby...

[fran28]

was outside a supermarket today with a friend and her child when another friend came up with her 5 month old boy...i said hello and started talking and she told me to shush cos her baby was asleep? we were outside a supermarket? is this not a bit precious?

oh and i have my own toddler and know how tired it can make you but still...i would hardly expect to be able to shush people out in the supermarket!

But sometimes I think Antone does deserve it!

She was rude.

She is clearly sleep deprived and not in her right mind.

She will look back and cringe. In the meantime, YANBU, but make sure that your only response is a sympathetic smile... not an apology for talking, though :)

Oh and yes if Antone had been there it would have completely kicked off, so just be grateful for that.

The shrill pips before the news on radio 4 are juuuust calculated to wake a sleeping baby. Bastards.

at the radio 4 pips!

It's not PFB necessarily.

I never shusshed anyone with DD1 - but DD2 is a different story & I have found myself doing it a couple of times when I've just got her off for some sleep after she's been really fraught with teething. I'm probably PSB :) .

There's no need to feel like a fool OP!! I'm sure it was just a brief passing moment and was gone almost as soon as it happened.

I wonder if you are a bit loud? I have a friend who can be heard way over the hustle and bustle of the supermarket. I've shushed her (and so have many other people) even when a baby wasn't sleeping.

I think YABU. White background noise is a bit different to someone standing next to the pram yapping.

OP she was very rude.Is she normally like this?Does she think shes better than others maybe?

My sil does things like that-shushing you and treating you like a child etc.I've stopped seeing her now.
Manners cost NOTHING.

It's v rude to shush! I'd understand if it was at home, all quiet and you came in foghorning away, but in a busy outdoor environment?

WHAT A TOTAL COW BAG PUNCH HER ONE THE COW BAG

she was a leetle bit rude, but we've all been there.
although dd1 would sleep through a bombing raid, dd2 wakes up if you so much as glance at her for too long. in the early days I'm sure I shushed all and sundry.

Before I had DD I assumed that getting babies to sleep in noisy or not quiet environments was a good thing to get them used it it. Now I realise that you either have a baby that can sleep through anything or you don't. Or you have one like I did that likes to sleep while in motion. There were times that the only time I had to go to the supermarket coincided with a nap. I could have cheerfully murdered the people who bumped into my trolley, started a loud conversation next to my DD's head or poked her (with misguided affection) while I was in or just outside the supermarket (dd in car seat asleep on trolley). I know I may have seemed unreasonable but honestly the murderous feelings were with reason! So, I am not saying YABU for being pissed off at the shushing as there's politer ways of doing it, bit if she felt anything like I did then a shush was probably positively saintly!

Hating today summed up my rambling post much better!

If someone took it upon themselves to tell me to 'shhhh' I wouldn't be very impressed. It's disrespectful and makes them appear self-important

Yes, YABU for being "pissed off" and starting a thread to call the mother of a 5 month old "precious" over something so minor. Bit of an over-reaction and not very sympathetic of you.

I think she was unreasonable to "shush" as it's rude but you probably didn't realise how loud you were talking, a polite "could you talk more quietly please" would do. My mum talks incredibly loudly and I do keep telling her to be more quiet - but I did this before DS was born too.

I can totally sympathise with her as DS is impossible to get to sleep (day and night ) and when he's woken up, even if it's just after 10minutes, I know I have to struggle on with an increasingly grumpy baby for another 2 hours before he'll deign to even consider falling back to sleep again. I have before now burst into tears when he's been woken up (bloody police sirens/motorbikes/bin lorries/shouting couples/screaming kids...). The tiredness is awful - I've never experienced anything like it.

Why is there always such an emphasis on here about being tolerant and sympathetic? I mean on MN in general but it's particularly noticeable on this thread.

Why should people be tolerant of a self-absorbed precious princess rudely telling them to shhhhh or a woman on the school run who talks about herself all the time and doesn't listen to anyone else, or a colleague that bullies other, or the parents of the school bully?

There's tolerance and there's letting people behave as they like even though they're being an arse, and sadly many posts on here are examples of the latter yet posters are hauled over the coals for being intolerant or unsympathetic!

Why assume that the tired mother of a sleeping five-month-old baby is a "self-absorbed precious princess"? That's a very big leap to make based on one "shh". You have no idea of the wider circs and neither do we, but lots of folk know how rough it can be when you're sleep-deprived, which is why lots of people are giving the benefit of the doubt or empathizing.

Tolerance and sympathy are worthwhile qualities. They stop you having to waste energy on getting in a self-righteous huff about being asked to be a little quieter around a sleeping baby.

I think telling a grown adult to 'shhhhhh' does smack of self absorbed princess behaviour, Dirtymartini. And I wouldn't be impressed at anyone saying that to me. I have 3 children so know full well what it is like to be sleep-deprived and exhausted BUT it's not a licence to speak to people like shit and believe you and your baby are the centre of the universe.

IMO

I didn't mention getting in a self-righteous huff btw, Dirtymartini. You have just said that I have made a big leap and you have done the same thing yourself.

I personally would just say my goodbyes and walk off if someone spoke to me like that. There'd be no self-righteous huff and no energy wasted but it would give me a new perspective on that person and if they carried on with that kind of way of talking to me then I'd reconsider the friendship.

Woot! In total support of hex on this one.

'shhhh' is better than 'shut the fuck up, why do you have to be so god damn loud?'

Now, that would rude and unworthy of tolerance.

And it's not just about tolerance, it's having enough resilience and emotional intelligence to not turn a moments lack of grace into a dramatic social slight.

To be fair to the OP, her friend approached her in the car park. If I saw someone I knew just after my (hypothetical) 5 month old fell asleep in my arms, I'd probably wave a cheery hello, pull an apologetic face, point to baby and carry on walking. I wouldn't go up to them and expect a silent conversation. Or I would put the sleeping baby in the car and wave said friends over to chat.

It's a bit strange going up to someone you know expecting silence, surely?

I know you didn't mention getting in a self-righteous huff; I wasn't actually referring to you, but making a general point about the fact that we can choose how we respond to these things (e.g. by not taking offense and having some sympathy ... or by taking offense).

Asking someone to shh can be done rudely, with no justification. Or it can be done pleadingly, out of real desperation that your baby will wake, when someone is being piercingly loud with no care for those around them. Or variations in between.

Your assessment that the mother in this anecdote was "speaking to people like shit" is based on ... what, exactly?

"And it's not just about tolerance, it's having enough resilience and emotional intelligence to not turn a moments lack of grace into a dramatic social slight."

Yes, exactly.