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Original poster

to not understand why people find out the sex of their babybbefore its born?

318 replies

ChaosTrulyReigns · 09/05/2012 13:40

Not judging, not sniping, just wondering.

Smile

I know we all do things differently and I like to live and let live and all that, but the emotions that I felt when finding out the sex of my baby after given birth were incredible and I can't imagine the emotions experienced when told at 20 weeks could in any way compare iyswim?

Obviously I understand sexing a baby if there's health implications. Smile

As I said I'm not judging or sniping, just genunely curious as to people's rationale.

Is it a bit like the Evervest attitude?

OP posts:
Joiningthegang · 09/05/2012 20:30

I'm always more surprised people don't ask - helps preparations, saves thinking of more names, and IMO helps to bond.

5madthings · 09/05/2012 20:32

we didnt find out till the birth with the first three, just liked the idea of having a suprise, all three were boys.

with no 4 i wanted to know, partly as i was sooo sick of the 'you must want a girl' comments, but dp and i found out and didnt tell anyone else (well i told on here but that doesnt count Grin )

and then we found out with no 5 and i am glad we did as it was a girl and tbh we were in shock as we utterly convinced we would be having another boy, we didnt believe the sonsographer, despite them saying 'i am not allowed to say i am 100% sure, but i am 100% sure this baby is a girl' :) but still paid for a scan at 28wks to check and then once dd i was born i said

"is it alright" followed by "is it really a girl?" cue yes and YES! from the midwife. it was also nice that the 4 boys knew they were getting a little sister and i got a lot of the 'oh you finally are getting a girl' type comments out the way before she was born, tho i am STILL getting them 17mths later Hmm

we werent bothered either way and if i had another (which i highly doubt) then i think i would want to go for a suprise, but its sooo hard when you have that scan to not find out. with no 5 we werent going to find out but the sonographer said 'i have a really clear view of the sex do you want to know' we took that to mean boy! and then said 'ok tell us' so were really shocked when the sonographer said girl :)

its lovely to find out either way i think tbh and didnt change anything about the births or the excitement of meeting them for the first time, didnt help with planning either as we still couldnt decide on a name and i stuck to gender neutral clothes and hand me downs even with dd. tho once she was here i have bought girly clothes not much pink tho :)

adriennemole · 09/05/2012 20:58

I found out with the first two because I was impatient and naive as to why scans are offered, the sex of the baby being the first and foremost in my mind. When pregnant with DS2 I decided this time it would be a surprise as he was to be my last.

An amino result showed the sex of DS2 and also that he had a chromosomal abnormality. As I knew I was not going to terminate I felt a real need to know as I wanted to start a bond straight away and do all the exciting planning with a picture of what he looked like in my mind.

I dreamt about him constantly until he was born and he looked just as I had imagined. Completely overwhelming.

Lovethesea · 09/05/2012 20:58

DC1 - I really wanted a surprise to enjoy at the birth. Was really looking forward to it and excited about the great reveal. But the labour was hell and the birth a complicated, emergency high rotational forceps in theatre, big concern for baby's health etc. Being told she was a girl was just information, like the fact they her oxygen had been low, that her heartrate had crashed, that the paediactrician didn't think she needed scbu after all. I was numb and in shock.

DC2 - wanted to enjoy the gender surprise so found out at 20weeks. Had a few months then to enjoy knowing we had a son on the way without any expectation that it would be a 'moment' at the birth. Had an elcs which I enjoyed immensely and still wasn't 100% confident the sonographer was right until DS emerged from the sunroof.

Emjxxx · 09/05/2012 21:13

I needed to find out for practical reasons, my DD was 12 and my DS was 4, if we were having a boy, then that wasn't a prob the boys would be able to share a room, however if the baby was a girl we were going to have to convert the dining room into a bedroom for DD because DD 12yo, couldn't share with a baby. As it happened we had another boy (thank you god)

Mumcentreplus · 09/05/2012 21:14

I had things to buy!! preparation I tell you!!...

Unfortunately both my DCs crossed their legs during all scans so i never knew till they were born AngryGrin

kicker · 09/05/2012 21:25

I knew the sex of my three before the scans. The scans just confirmed what I already knew. With DC3 I asked them not to tell me and looked away from the screen but I still knew. And no I am not psychic. I just had this certainty I soon as I saw the blue lines on the stick what gender the baby was. Bit disappointed not to have that anticipation of finding out really.SadEnvy Very happy to have three children though Smile

fluffypillow · 09/05/2012 21:47

Finding out the sex at the scan takes nothing away from the excitement of the actual birth. I found out with all three of mine, and I was glad I did. I have never been able to understand why people wouldn't want to know.

Arion · 09/05/2012 22:13

I 'knew' with both of mine at roughly 7 weeks, and was right both times!

DC1 (DD) didn't find out, wanted a surprise but was sure it was a girl. Had bump name as didn't know for sure. Horrendous birth, really mixed feelings after (not helped by people saying it was worth it for her, when I wasn't rally sure if it was - I'd have gne through it again to keep her safe onc sh as there but if I could have turned back th clock and not got pregnant I think I might have chosen that). Really hard time adjusting, felt I was grieving for my bump that I'd lost and had a baby that I was holding and feeding becaus I had to not becaus I wanted to. PND till about 9 months, it lifted as soon as I stopped breast feeding.

DC2 (DS), sure I was having a boy, really didn't want a boy, so wanted to know so I could prepare myself and DD, who wanted a sister. Bonded better with him once I'd accepted the sex, he was a he not a bump, no sense of loss when he was born, no PND, love cuddling him.

Original poster
ChaosTrulyReigns · 09/05/2012 23:42

Blimey.I was just musing on something and thought I'd ask to help me understand opinions different from my way of thinking (and to open a conversation on here), and I've been called disingenuous, unimaginative, and judgemental of others choices.

Sigh.

I could have put it in Chat, but decided to live dangerously and worded the title to avaoid the WrathOfTrills well, that didn't work.

One thing I have learned about myself on this thread, is that I must be the only one in the world not think about names before it was born.

OP posts:
MoonlightandRoses · 09/05/2012 23:45

That'll learn you Grin.

You didn't think about a name before arrival? You're brave, I think my head would have exploded doing the research with a small screaming alien newborn in the house.

lockets · 09/05/2012 23:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OhdearNigel · 09/05/2012 23:47

I never understood the "oh but it will spoil the surprise" argument. the only surprise would be if it was a kitten and frankly going from dinkies to 3 was enough of a surprise on its own thanks

Original poster
ChaosTrulyReigns · 09/05/2012 23:51

Nope lockets, honestly, it wasn't baiting - not my style.

I was genuinely curious and obviously have some sort of blinkers about sometimes being unable to understand ways other than my own, particualrly when I think usually wrinlgy that I'm being logical. Wink

Naah, didn;t really think about names before they were born - with DD1 (has the same name as one of yours btw Smile) DH read the baby book after she was born and then we picked a couple of days later.

One of then wasn;t given a name for about 10 days as we were just too tired to actually have a conversation about it. Think it was DD3.

OP posts:
Noqontrol · 09/05/2012 23:51

Well, you've survived. Think of it as a learning curve Grin I found out if I was having a boy or girl at the scans. Main reason was because the person who was doing the scans already knew. So it felt weird for me not to know. But it was still amazing to find out at 20 weeks. But then again I am one of those people who opens their Christmas presents early too. I have no self control.

gettinghappy · 10/05/2012 00:05

Haven't read whole thread - sorry.

I found out because I was told my baby would probably die before it was born and I felt it (well, he), should have a name.

Glad to report that after a really rocky start tha the docs got it wrong an dhe is now 7yrs old and waaay the best thing to ever happen to me :) :)

Noqontrol · 10/05/2012 00:21

Glad your little one was ok in the end gettinghappy. I can't begin to imagine how that must have been.

Bubbaluv · 10/05/2012 00:48

I did it out of curiosity the first time and I was so glad I did. I felt much closer to the little person growing inside of me when I could think of him as a "him" with a name than I did when it was an anonymous "it". That's why I did it again the second time.

I also had a friend who go the doctor to write the sex on a piece of paper and put it in an envelope. She and her DH then went out for a fabulous lunch and opened the envelope over a glass of champagne. Wish I'd thought of that!

Nubianqueen · 10/05/2012 01:18

I found out the sexes of both my children because I am very impatient and I really neede and wanted to know. Although I knew it was still very emotional and amazing when they were born. I was still very much surprised. Knowing or not knowing doesnot take away anything from the birth!!

entropygirl · 10/05/2012 01:25

In Mothercare last week, a woman was exchanging about £300 worth of stuff because the scan said 'girl' and it was a boy.

yeah because boys CANNOT survive being dressed in pink...true fact.

Nubianqueen · 10/05/2012 01:29

I am not a believer of gender base clothes for babies. My daughter can wear all her brother's clothes because I did not buy into that gender specific clothes. And I knew he was going to be a boy and her a girl.

kellibabylove · 10/05/2012 01:37

We found out with DD1 at 20 weeks, it was lovely being able to refer to her by her name instead of bump or baby. Her identity was very real & It meant we could decorate her room pink and buy lots of lovely dresses etc.

With DD2 we were not given a definate answer. We had to buy everything in yellow/white and could not plan in the same way & had to refer to her as baby/bean/bump. I hated not knowing!

The births were just as exciting & special :)

Annakin31 · 10/05/2012 03:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jnice · 10/05/2012 03:42

When ds1 was born we lived in an area where they would not tell you. With ds2 we lived somewhere else. I felt I wanted a dd but kind of Knew he was a boy so found out so that I could put it behind me. Same thing with ds3. Each time I found out I was so overwhelmed with happiness at seeing everything was fine that knowing was fine. I'm not into gendered clothing and recently bought ds3 a pink fleece jacket as that color in his size was on sale. I also like confusing random strangers who think my baby's genitals are their business Grin

So for me it was to help me bond and get over any issues of not having a dd way before the birth. Happy to say that it has never been an issue and our family is complete with 3 beautiful boys.

Thumbwitch · 10/05/2012 03:50

I didn't first time because I wanted a surprise. DH wanted to know but I overruled him because he's shit at keeping secrets - but the compromise was when/if we had another one, he'd get his way and we'd find out. Getting close to that point now (another 2w) and I don't know whether he'll want to know or not! I don't mind so much this time - in some ways I'd like to know because if I have to start dyeing some baby clothes, it would probably be an idea to get on with it. I won't dye all of them - I have a lot of cream, white, peach etc. clothes as well as blue - and green, brown, orange, red, yellow etc. are unisex anyway so won't need changing.

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