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AIBU?

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Original poster

to not understand why people find out the sex of their babybbefore its born?

318 replies

ChaosTrulyReigns · 09/05/2012 13:40

Not judging, not sniping, just wondering.

Smile

I know we all do things differently and I like to live and let live and all that, but the emotions that I felt when finding out the sex of my baby after given birth were incredible and I can't imagine the emotions experienced when told at 20 weeks could in any way compare iyswim?

Obviously I understand sexing a baby if there's health implications. Smile

As I said I'm not judging or sniping, just genunely curious as to people's rationale.

Is it a bit like the Evervest attitude?

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 09/05/2012 19:24

Curiosity, and impatience.

kickassangel · 09/05/2012 19:32

Cos it can help you feel like this baby is more real. You can choose a name, and imagine its arrival in the world more precisely.

I wish I had known I was having a dd/ds - I felt hugely disconnected from my pregnancy throughout, and having something like that to start thinking about my baby would have really helped me.

wasabipeanut · 09/05/2012 19:36

I do understand why curiosity wins the day - I was tempted the first time but not been since (am 34 weeks with DC3). I waited because DH was more inclined to and I wasn't that fussed either way IYSWIM. As it was DS's birth was somewhat traumatic and the main concern was to get him breathing properly. I think about 5 mins later we asked and were told he was a boy. I was happy but his gender wasn't my top concern.

With DD finding out was a lovely moment - the midwife held her up and showed me her bits! I genuinely didn't mind what I got as it were but I remember feeling like I'd hit the jackpot.

I love the ritual of planning boy and girl names and daydreaming about it all.

BusinessTrills · 09/05/2012 19:43

Y A either unreasonable or just extremely unimaginative to not be able to understand that some people might do things differently to you.

(just replying to OP)

BusinessTrills · 09/05/2012 19:45

IMO if there is something to be known about my baby then I want to know it. Why should the nurse/sonographer have information that I don't? It's in my body, not theirs.

BeeInMyBonnet · 09/05/2012 19:47

I didn't want or feel I needed to know for the first one, but I did find out the next time because I was having twins and dd1 was only 3 and I wanted to help her get used to the idea. And me come to think of it Grin

catfart · 09/05/2012 19:48

This is just a post to prompt a reaction for the hell of it, if someone wants the excitement of a surprise, good for them, if someone feels they need to know more reasons Kissassangel made for instance (which i did), good for them too. Each to their own.

MogTheForgetfulCat · 09/05/2012 19:51

I didn't with DS1 and 2 (although had pretty strong feelings that both were boys - odd to be right, as am almost always wrong with guessing what others are having) but did with DS3 as wanted to tell the boys that they were having a baby brother or sister, rather than just a baby something. Bit daft, probably. Also wanted to know if it was another boy to see if I needed to start saving cash immediately to feed them all when they are teenagers Grin.

Having done both, I prefer not knowing. But it was nice to be able to get all the boys' stuff out of the cupboards, and wrestle with only one list of names!

Gooshka · 09/05/2012 19:51

I don't understand what the OP "doesn't understand"! There's nothing to "understand" - some people choose to know, others don't. I knew with both my boys but if I was ever to have another (no plans to!!) I might decide not to find out just for a change. I really don't see it as a bigissue - either way it's a surprise, you either find out at 20 weeks or 40 weeks! Grin

zookeeper · 09/05/2012 19:53

I can't understand why you wouldn't want to know - it's a baby not a bloody Christmas present

yousankmybattleship · 09/05/2012 19:54

I found out because I could and I wanted to know. I experienced so many amazing emotions at the birth of my children that I really didn't feel the need to add surprise into the mix.

Mealiepudding · 09/05/2012 19:57

I can't understand why people don't want to know.

A baby isn't a Christmas present! When I had my children, the doctor knew before I did that I was pregnant - I wanted to be the first to know but early pregnancy tests weren't available then.

The midwife knew the sex of my babies before I did - I would have preferred to have known first.

I honestly believe I would have bonded with my children sooner had I known their gender in advance, I could have named them and visualised them more clearly.

I wouldn't have shared the information with anyone else though.

Coconutty · 09/05/2012 19:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SparkyUK · 09/05/2012 19:58

Haven't read the 8 pages Shock but I found out the sex of my child and his birth was just totally underwhelming. Saw him, and since I already knew he was a boy I was like meh...

Mealiepudding · 09/05/2012 19:58

Ooh, x post zookeeper!

VenusWineTrap · 09/05/2012 20:00

I am the sort of person who hunts down Christmas presents in secret! Curiosity is overwhelming in me.
I found out with DD1 and DS
DD2 (18 months) we decided to do it differently and not find out, and do you know what? When she was born she was bundled up into a sheet and nobody even thought to ask, it didn't even cross my mind until a couple of minutes later.
Which experience was better? Well for me, if there was ever a fourth I would find out as it helped me bond better in pregnancy knowing I was talking to a boy or a girl. I certainly don't ever feel it spoilt my surprise, the sheer joy and relief of holding my baby was the main feeling on the day!

SodoffBaldrick · 09/05/2012 20:02

We've done it both ways and if we ever have a 3rd we won't find out because we have one of each already finding out at the birth did seem more special.

But it seems ludicrously disingenuous and/or massively lacking in imagination not to 'understand' why other people are so keen to find out...?! Grin

Curious
Excited
Impatient
To temper expectations
To bond

Pretty much covers it. I'm surprised you couldn't figure that out for yourself OP. Wink

zookeeper · 09/05/2012 20:04

....but you expressed it so much better Mealie Smile

FartBlossom · 09/05/2012 20:06

I did with all 3.

Mostly because I dont think that the sex is a big thing. All the guess work for the 2nd half of the pregnancy and wondering. CBA with that, much rather just know in advance. The whole its a boy/girl (delete as appropriate) thing just didnt interest me. It wasn't impatience or lack of self control, it was is the baby developing ok? is it a boy or girl kind of thing?

iknowanoldlady · 09/05/2012 20:09

We did so that we could tell my mum whether she was having a grandaughter or a grandson. She died 4 weeks before my DD was born. Conversation stopper, sorry Sad

MooBaaWoofCheep · 09/05/2012 20:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissCoffeeNWine · 09/05/2012 20:13

Because there aren't just two options - find out before it's born or find out when it's born. There are at least four options.

  1. find out when it's born
  2. find out before it's born
  3. never find out
  4. find out when the post mortem results come back

Having experienced option 3 and then option 4 I chose option 2 for the next baby.

That, and the fact I am likely to have 9-10 scans at the very least and would like to actually look at the screen and be reassured rather than hiding my face in case I see a penis or lack of.

HTH

maddening · 09/05/2012 20:19

I could never not find out haha but I figure it's a nice surprise whenever you find out and was too busy being overwhelmed having a baby to worry about the surprise on the day. It was nice to have a name for my bump :-) plus we only had girls names and had a chance to think of boys names which is what we needed.

Mealiepudding · 09/05/2012 20:20

iknowanoldlady and MissCoffeeNWine - Sad.

Annakin31 · 09/05/2012 20:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.