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AIBU?

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Original poster

to not understand why people find out the sex of their babybbefore its born?

318 replies

ChaosTrulyReigns · 09/05/2012 13:40

Not judging, not sniping, just wondering.

Smile

I know we all do things differently and I like to live and let live and all that, but the emotions that I felt when finding out the sex of my baby after given birth were incredible and I can't imagine the emotions experienced when told at 20 weeks could in any way compare iyswim?

Obviously I understand sexing a baby if there's health implications. Smile

As I said I'm not judging or sniping, just genunely curious as to people's rationale.

Is it a bit like the Evervest attitude?

OP posts:
Katiepoes · 09/05/2012 13:49

We were unsure until the moment actually arrived and I realised I really wanted to know - we managed to not tell anyone by pretending we hadn't found out. My husband was not bothered either way, or so he says.
I can't even say why I wanted to, I just know that suddenly it was very important. I can't even say it was so we could plan - nothing that was especially girly was bought, and even though we had a name ready we never actually used it until she was sqealing in outrage on my chest.

Not much use of an answer is it?

MyNameIsntFUCKINGWarren · 09/05/2012 13:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cory · 09/05/2012 13:49

I carefully kept the knowledge away with my first baby and asked to be told with my second. I found it made absolutely no difference to my feelings of being overwhelmed.

Salamanda · 09/05/2012 13:49

Because the birth is exciting, dramatic and emotional enough without needing an added surprise!

YouOldSlag · 09/05/2012 13:49

With my first it really helped me to bind with my bump. Being pregnant felt so abstract and I couldn't process it. I was in such awe and shock. Once I knew it was a boy I spoke to him by name and bought him something to wear.

With my second I just wanted to know.

On neither occasion did knowing the sex take any of the awe, shock and elation away from their birth. Those two moments are still etched in my brain under "Pure Joy" and always will be.

Also, if I'm going to be petty (and I am) I don't like all these threads that begin with "I don't understand people who like liquorice." as if people who don't do the same as you are somehow weird or beyond comprehension.

It would sound better just to ask "why do people like liquorice....?"

Just a small thing but it really bugs me. As you were. Smile

lockets · 09/05/2012 13:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 09/05/2012 13:49

to use the remaining 20 weeks to convince the older sibling that they really do want that particular gender.
dd1 was adamant she was only going to accept a brother, and it was easier to convince her that sisters are ace during the pregnancy than after dd2's arrival.

Tee2072 · 09/05/2012 13:50

Chaos, he still pees on me. He'll be 3 in a month. Grin

sugarice · 09/05/2012 13:50

I'm with you in that we didn't find out until they popped out although I always felt I knew they were boys but the surprise was still worth its weight in gold.I've read recently about a current trend in America for Gender Reveal Parties, the food provided is generally blue and pink and the Parents have handed secret details of the babies sex to the Caterer who colours the inside of a cake blue or pink. The unknowing couple cut into the cake revealing the gender of the expected baby! Wow, we just did a phone call.

senioroafdog · 09/05/2012 13:50

I found out for medical reasons - genetic problems in male babies which could have been passed on to me, therefore I would always want to know...

fatherchewylouis · 09/05/2012 13:51

I didn't find out with my first but I was SO sure he would be a boy that I might as well have (sonographer rather gave the game away too anyway, despite us saying we didn't want to find out).

With second I didn't have a clue and just couldn't hold on another 20 weeks to find out - impatience mostly.

There was an element of practcal reason too because my sister had just had a boy and if we were having a girl I would give her all our baby boy stuff, but that was more an excuse to justify me being too impatient to wait really. I am a bit of an instant gratification girl.

AlexandraMary · 09/05/2012 13:51

Because you can and to me it seems a little disingenuous not to.

DizzyCow63 · 09/05/2012 13:51

Because I was to impatient to wait! I was so glad I did, because then we, including DSD, could talk about when arrives, it was lovely and we all felt like we already had a bond with him before he was even here. On a practical level, his room could be decorated accordingly and we could buy boys clothes etc.

I wouldn't hesitate to find out if I am ever able to get pg again.

2ticks · 09/05/2012 13:51

Didn't out first time round and then was completely shocked when I had a boy - somehow had 'felt' it was going to be a girl. I don't like surprises in any other area of my life, so should have seen that it was a mistake for me to not find out. Found out second time round and all felt much calmer both during pregnancy and in early days. Smile

Herrena · 09/05/2012 13:51

The first time I was freaked out enough by the fact I was having a baby, so knowing at least one fact (gender) really helped as I had no idea what to expect about anything else!

The second time, I really wanted a girl (however unpopular it is to admit that). Therefore I wanted to find out early, so as not to run the risk that my first feeling upon seeing my second child would be disappointment at his gender - what a crap start to his life that would have been! I'm glad I did find out, because it IS a boy and now I've got used to the fact and am quite looking forward to meeting him :)

ShowOfHands · 09/05/2012 13:52

I don't understand why people watch Big Brother or sunbathe or read OK magazine. I assume they're just different.

I found out because I wanted to.

exexe · 09/05/2012 13:53

I just wanted to know too. I'm very impatient!
I'm pregnant at the moment and will be very disappointed if for some reason they can't tell.

I can understand totally that some people want to wait and others want to find out, what I don't get is when a couple finds out and then say 'we're not saying' to everyone else, like as if it means that much to others as it does to them. Confused

Shakey1500 · 09/05/2012 13:53

Can't really elaborate on why I wanted to know, other than I really couldn't wait to find out.

HoneyDragonWearingLederhosen · 09/05/2012 13:53

I wasn't bothered either way with Ds, but dh really wanted to find out - if I hadn't wanted to know I would've anyway as Ds was practically hip thrusting his dangly bits during the scan. Even the sonographer didn't know where to look.

With dd, Ds was desperate to know. My family has a history of boys, my mum had 3 grandsons. At the time of the scan she was undergoing very aggressive treatment for her cancer. Calling my mother to tell her she was getting a granddaughter is one the happiest moments of my life. I have never been as elated as I was that day.

FioFio · 09/05/2012 13:54

I didn't find out for any of mine either and find it weird that people want to know and then tell people what they are having and have all the clothes nursery decorated etc but maybe I am a bit superstitious after all or something. I remember my mother being horrified that I had the pram in the house before the baby was born too Confused

MrsTittleMouse · 09/05/2012 13:54

Because the sonographer knew and it would bug me that someone else knew what gender my child was and I didn't. Grin

Also because when DD1 was born, my only thought was "thank fuck that hell is over", it wasn't exactly incredible. If we'd found out then it would have meant nothing to us. Finding out when we were both awake and alert and actually gave a damn was better.

DD2 was a much better experience, but I had no regrets that we knew that she was a girl. It didn't take anything away from the experience.

To be honest, I think that your attitude to finding out the sex is coloured by the fact that you found out when the hormones were rushing around your body and you were on a complete high. So it was wonderful because everything was wonderful, if you see what I mean. But the hormones are just the same, and the high is just the same, even if you already know. The finding out doesn't cause the high, it's just associated with it.

Whatevertheweather · 09/05/2012 13:54

I'm nearly 24 weeks pregnant with dd3. This is the first time we have found out the sex. Our reason is that dd2 died shortly after she was born by emcs. In the chaos no-one told us girl or boy. We found out when the neonate came and told us he was very sorry but there was nothing more they could do for her. I vowed then I never wanted to find out the sex of my baby in that way again. So this time we asked at the 20 week scan. Does feel strange knowing though.

I realise ours is an extreme example but there are lots of reasons people find out beyond simple 'we couldn't wait/we wanted to plan'

It annoys me that people judge - a lady who didn't know about dd2 said to me the other day all smugly 'I never wanted to ruin the surprise with mine. You've lost some of the magic of the birth now!' Hmm

MrsCampbellBlack · 09/05/2012 13:54

Well its a surprise whenever you find out surely be that at 20 weeks or at the birth.

And for some people who have a preference (and many people do) well it makes sense to find out at the 20 week scan.

Bearcrumble · 09/05/2012 13:55

I found out at 12 weeks with both. Because I am impatient. Because if someone else was going to know, then I jolly well wanted to. To deal with any potential gender disappointment before being presented with a baby - I had a preference for a girl with my first, but realised that I was being daft very quickly and wouldn't change my DS for the world. He is perfect. So I could buy non-neutral clothes. So I could think of a name. I think it helped me see the baby as a person and not just a generic 'baby'.

Anothertoybroken · 09/05/2012 13:56

We found out with DS1 simply because I was really curious and there are enough surprises in life already - I thought knowing would be a lovely little secret just for us (didn't tell anyone else as parents didn't want to know sex before birth). Then with DS2 there were 2 reasons ;

Thought it would help my eldest get his head round the idea of a sibling if we could refer to 'him' or 'her'

I was quite hoping it'd be a girl and I wanted to know sooner rather than later just in case I felt a bit 'disappointed' that it wasn't a girl. Couldn't bear the thought of feeling like that when holding my tiny newborn. Turns out I felt a bit :( for about 5 minutes and then was thrilled that I'd have 2 gorgeous boys!