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AIBU?

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Original poster

to not understand why people find out the sex of their babybbefore its born?

318 replies

ChaosTrulyReigns · 09/05/2012 13:40

Not judging, not sniping, just wondering.

Smile

I know we all do things differently and I like to live and let live and all that, but the emotions that I felt when finding out the sex of my baby after given birth were incredible and I can't imagine the emotions experienced when told at 20 weeks could in any way compare iyswim?

Obviously I understand sexing a baby if there's health implications. Smile

As I said I'm not judging or sniping, just genunely curious as to people's rationale.

Is it a bit like the Evervest attitude?

OP posts:
OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 10/05/2012 08:41

I wonder if this explosion in gender specific baby clothing is because it is assumed everyone knows.
It really struck me with the last two how hard it was to buy clothes that wre not v.pink, v.blue or v.beige (bleugh) .

Where we're the lemons and soft greens and (gasp) primary colours I dresses my eldest ones in when they were babies?

Amykins · 10/05/2012 08:54

I wonder how it can be "nosy" to find out the gender of your unborn child.

AutumnSummers · 10/05/2012 08:58

I found out the sex with all bar DS2. We already had a boy and a girl so a surprise was a wee change.

It was not wonderful and magical. I overheard DH discussing the sex with a midwife when they were sorting him out (Had to take him away from me right away because his chord snapped in the pool). I just said, "Well I take it it's a boy then?!"

Not exactly a firework display of emotion at that point!

CherryBlossom27 · 10/05/2012 09:00

At my local hospital it is policy not to tell any parents the sex of the baby when you have the scan, so unless we wanted to pay for a private scan, we didn't have a choice of finding out.

At the beginning I wanted to know, but I'm glad it was a surprise, it was nice for everyone to keep guessing and all the old wives tales about the shape of my bump etc!

I'm not really into pink/blue, so I found it easy buying things for the baby before he was born! His room is white with orange/green animals on the border.

Even when DS was born, the first thing I said was "baby's here" and didn't even think if he was a boy/girl until the midwife held him up and his bits were dangling in front of me!

harrassedswlondonmum · 10/05/2012 09:09

I didn't want to know with first or second. But my last pregnancy was ID twins. As I already had boy stuff and girl stuff I needed to know which to launder and which to clear out! Boringly practical I'm afraid! We didn't tell anyone though.

dayofthetriffids · 10/05/2012 09:26

With my first DS I found out at 12 weeks definitively (CVS for genetic testing) and we wanted to know as with all the issues we were having we wanted to 'talk' to 'him' rather than just 'the baby'.

With my 2nd DS I just wanted to know to sort of prepare in my mind and to help DS1 prepare a bit.

Trills · 10/05/2012 10:20

That wasn't wrath!

You asked an "Am I Being Unreasonable" question and the thread really is about unreasonableness.

Gold star for correct placement :)

I just happen to think you are a bit unreasonable

Trills · 10/05/2012 10:21

I always think that pleasant things should be spread out as much as possible.

Finding out if you have a boy or a girl is a pleasant thing.

Actually getting the baby out is a pleasant thing.

Doing both on the same say is a waste - doing them on different days means you get two days of something exciting happening instead of just one.

Loonybun · 10/05/2012 10:35

I found out with both of mine :) I just wanted to know... For me I can imagine them as a child rather than just a baby if that makes sense. I wanted to give them more of an identity. Plus I picked out names for both dd and ds before they were born and I like to think of them by name, rather than just the bump!

lunar1 · 10/05/2012 10:46

I needed to know to make it real for me. I had fertility treatment which didn't work with my first husband who died. Me and DH had 2 years of treatment before DS1 arrived.

I couldn't relate ttc and pregnancy to actually taking home a baby. knowing the sex really helped me to bond.

DeWe · 10/05/2012 11:55

I didn't want to find out with dc#1 or dc#2.
But then at the 20 week scan with dc2 they found she was missing a hand. It's not something you expect to find out at the scan, and we were really in shock.
I felt like I'd lost this baby I'd grown to know and love and had a different baby which I didn't know. That night I discussed it with dh and decided to ask although they didn't usually tell people. Knowing she was a girl helped me to rebond with her and feel I knew her again. Being able to buy her a couple of items of clothes/toys allowed me to feel that I was doing something for my baby, at a time I felt helpless to help her in the way I wanted.

With ds(#3) he was waving his bits around so we didn't have a choice. Grin

DeWe · 10/05/2012 11:58

And we chose not to tell anyone. Dh told his dm that we knew but weren't telling anyone. She from that assumed dd2 was a boy-apparently he sounded happier after the second scan and assumed he wanted a boy Hmm. When dd2 was born she came round with blue knitted stuff and a "congratulations on your boy" card. Confused

vintagewarrior · 10/05/2012 12:54

"I can't imagine the emotions experienced when told at 20 weeks could in any way compare iyswim? ". But no judgement or sniping!
Get over yourself.

I found out I was having a boy at 14 weeks due to other complications, because I wanted to start bonding with my son or daughter, not just child.

theressomethingaboutmarie · 10/05/2012 14:25

I didn't find out with my first but am 24 wks pg with number 2 and found out at the scan. I wanted to prepare DD as much as possible for her new sibling and it has worked wonders. Prior to us not knowing, she was super clingy and evidently worried about having her role in the family usurped. Since finding out that her sibling is a boy, she's totally chilled out and incredibly happy. We weren't massively prepared for DD's birth as she was 3 weeks early and we'd just moved house. It's lovely getting a few bits ready for our DS and decorating the room etc (and frantically eBaying the hundreds of girls clothes we have cluttering up our loft!).

DilysPrice · 10/05/2012 14:30

I'm with Trills. The pain stopping and the relief of knowing my baby was safe and well were more than enough joy for one day.

IvanaNap · 10/05/2012 14:35

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn as this poster has privacy concerns.

Psammead · 10/05/2012 14:36
  1. DH will not consider even thinking of names before we know the sex
  2. I like to know things, all things, with notice if possible, as early as possible. It's a coping/feeling in control thing.

Knowing whether to buy pink or blue pyjamas is not even on my list. I have both, and plenty of other colours, from DD.

monkeymoma · 10/05/2012 14:42

It helped with bonding

I do not believe that anything could make seeing your baby for the first time better/more emotional, it was hardly boring because I knew it was a boy

I needed to buy sedond hand not new, so you got to buy what you need as it comes up, I couldn't afford to limit myself to only buying second hand if a GN option happened to be available, I was able to buy GN or boy sedond hand stuff as it cropped up. Same for hand me downs

Empusa · 10/05/2012 15:14

Ivana Oh yes! And DS is only 6 weeks old...

EdlessAllenPoe · 10/05/2012 19:36

i like not knowing...

i think partly because i don't want to get overly attached until the little creature is safely out in the world and knowable.

and i like arguing about two sets of names...

i love primary colours in baby wear. i have had a few years to collect it...

pink and blue so blah. beige worse.

NagooIsBuildingAnArk · 10/05/2012 20:04

I didn't want to know, but everybody finds out now.

People gave me the Hmm because I didn't know.

I find it really uncomfortable when people name their bump. I don't know why. But I am an a minority of 1 in RL as far as my friends and family go.

MrsHelsBels74 · 10/05/2012 20:12

Because I'm nosy, impatient & couldn't wait!

HybridTheory · 10/05/2012 21:14

I wanted to know so found out at 20w scan with #1 and at 12 weeks with #2 CVS. Couldn't imagine not knowing really. I can vividly rembmer being told with both and then going shopping for them - was so excited about fiding out!

Jnice · 10/05/2012 21:15

I just remembered another reason with DS3 - I was so sick of people saying 'are you hoping for a girl?' I could just tell them he's a boy and no we won't be trying for a 4th. I almost wanted to get a t-shirt with that on.

PinkyCheesy · 10/05/2012 21:29

I found out both times because I wanted a daughter and knew that my disappointment at the birth if it wasnt a girl would probably trigger PND (I have history of depression). So both times I found out at 20 weeks that I was having a son. And it gave me a day or so to grieve for not having a daughter, then I could get on with looking forward to meeting my child. Made a huge difference to me and to my DH that we could spend half of each pregnancy with a name for the son and making plans for him, including buying clothes, nursery stuff, etc.

Now....I am delighted with my two boys and wouldnt swap them for girls ever! I have a god-daughter, and friends' daughters, and that is truly enough. I am so thrilled that I was 'picked' to have sons and feel really very blessed Smile Makes me laugh to think I was so keen to have daughters!

Maybe it's because I am female that I thought it would be easier to have a good relationship with a girl? But I have no problems at all with my sons, and they kind of understand that sometimes I need to have girlie-ness and occasionally will indulge me in that Grin

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