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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not understand why people find out the sex of their babybbefore its born?

318 replies

ChaosTrulyReigns · 09/05/2012 13:40

Not judging, not sniping, just wondering.

Smile

I know we all do things differently and I like to live and let live and all that, but the emotions that I felt when finding out the sex of my baby after given birth were incredible and I can't imagine the emotions experienced when told at 20 weeks could in any way compare iyswim?

Obviously I understand sexing a baby if there's health implications. Smile

As I said I'm not judging or sniping, just genunely curious as to people's rationale.

Is it a bit like the Evervest attitude?

OP posts:
oikopolis · 10/05/2012 21:57

DH nervous about how he would cope with a girl (his sister was a tearaway), i was nervous about how I would cope with a boy (i come from a massive family of girls), so we both wanted some time to prepare emotionally!

littlemrsmummy6 · 10/05/2012 22:53

I am normally insanely organised and hard to surprise in general. Not finding out gave me a surprise to look forward to and stopped me buying a tonne of clothes and toys in advance. However, with my DS, the ultrasound tech told us by mistake, despite us saying we didn't want to know. I was mortified at my surprise being ruined for me but it did assist us with some of the purchasing/decorating decisions we made along the way.

So having technically experienced each situation, I can see the benefits of both and therefore understand why some just can't wait to know!

TheFallenMadonna · 10/05/2012 23:03

With my first child, knowing wasn't an option. The policy of the hospital was not to tell.

We did it the same way the next time, although we had moved and the hospital policy was different.

MuddyDogs · 10/05/2012 23:29

It's double the joy! Finding out the sex before hand is a wonderful day AND so is the occasion when an actual tiny person emerges from your body ( I didn't care what sex it was then...it was just amazing) Smile.

aliphil · 11/05/2012 00:22

I wanted to know because I don't like surprises and I wanted the chance to get used to the idea of having whichever it is; I'm finding the abstractness of it difficult. Unfortunately DC is clearly a modest (or unco-operative) child as he/she covered the relevant bits at the crucial moment! As it happens I've been told I have to have another scan at about 33 weeks so hopefully we will find out then. However, we are not going to tell anyone else, mainly because if we did our parents would have to be among those told, and we don't want to give them any excuse to tell us exactly what names we "have" to choose. Hmm Actually it's mainly my father, who will be very annoyed if it is a girl because for various reasons she will get my maternal grandmother's name as one of hers but not his mother's.

DaPrincessBride · 11/05/2012 00:43

I had an overwhelming feeling that it was a girl and wanted to know if I was right, or crazy. I also wanted to go and buy lots of very girly clothes if I was right.

I was right and DD still has lots of clothes

I can see why people wait though, if I was a more patient soul I would have liked to wait and see.

EchoBitch · 11/05/2012 00:58

DP wanted to know but i didn't...

So they wouldn't tell us.

And we got the dc that we got.

And we were happy.

Bubbaluv · 11/05/2012 01:16

I'm amazed that some hospitals won't tell you! How is that their right to decide?

Thumbwitch · 11/05/2012 02:49

They won't tell you because it is never 100% accurate. Even when they think they've seen boy bits, they can still be wrong. People in this day and age will sue for a lot less, so the hospitals who have the policy never to say are covering their backs against this.

Thumbwitch · 11/05/2012 02:51

Sorry - I mean the scans are never 100% accurate - if you have the CVS done, of course it will be accurate.

Bubbaluv · 11/05/2012 08:19

They tell you your baby looks healthy - doesn't guarantee that it is. Surely a simple form could be signed to acknowledge that you accept the sexing is only a best guess? Seems mean to me (but then I paid for a private scan at 17 weeks because I was so desperate to know!)

AuntyJ · 11/05/2012 09:07

Bubbaluv - My brother is a consultant radiologist at a hospital where they have a no sex policy. The reason why. Their previous policy was both parents had to agree. One father wanted to know and the mum was adamant she didnt. The resulting argument saw one of his staff being physically assualted by the father.
As my brother stated the scan is for medical staff to assess the growth of your baby, and to check for any physical abmornalites.
I didnt find out for my 2 DC's. I am the most impatient person, so everyone was surprised I didnt. I'm glad I didnt as it gave me an incentive at the end to push the baby out.

AlphabetAppleTree · 11/05/2012 09:08

I needed to know so I could rejig bedrooms about etc. I have 6 dc (inc step)

KitCat26 · 11/05/2012 09:20

I didn't find out with either (DH didn't want to know). But I really wanted to 'cause I'm nosey. That was the one thing he wanted to be able to tell me to feel involved at the birth. And it was lovely.

frankieb70s · 11/05/2012 09:46

Some people need to know because of bedroom sharing, if you have a boy but were expecting a girl with only a two bedroomed house, I guess it's sensible to find this out so future arrangments can be set in place.

I knew I was having a boy and it was still amazing to meet him when he was born, I also don't like surprises much.
I can't imaging having to rush around buying girls/boys clothes and having to wash them after the baby is born, it's easier to have it all preared, well it was for me. :)

BerryLellow · 11/05/2012 10:22

I was very tempted to find out with DS2, but didn't in the end. I'm not sure it would have made a huge difference, thought he'd be a boy anyway.

I might find out if we try for a third. I love it when other people find out, as I'm nosey

MadameChinLegs · 11/05/2012 10:32

We have one, and didn't find out as we both felt that her (as we now know) gender was irrelelvant. We still painted the bedroom and bought clothes and nothing was lemon or beige. We've simply added a few feminine touches now that she is here. Throughout the pg, I was certian it was a boy, however the whole of the last month I had Girl Feelings, as did DH.

I asked DH last night whether, if we have a second DC, would he like to find out this time, and he said no. He said, for him, finding the gender out whilst still pg would create a bigger bond with the baby which, should something bad happen, may make it harder for him. He thought that not knowing the sex would almost 'protect' us, in a way, from taking it for granted that they would arrive safe and sound. I don't totally understand his thinking but would be happy not to find out again for his reason and a couple of my own (if it were another DD, for instance, the "oh, poor DH, another girl" comments alone would make me stabby)

Each to their own though.

entropygirl · 11/05/2012 10:39

frankie can you wrap your head around the idea that actually baby boys and girls can wear the same clothes?

I can't think off the top of my head of any terribly compelling reason why siblings of different genders cannot share a bedroom either....

Kveta · 11/05/2012 11:03

:o Berry I believe I told you this one was a girl WELL before I told my extended family - so you'd better find out with your third, and tell me too :o

we will have our two sharing a room for the foreseeable future, despite different sexes. But I am not dressing a girl in some of the clothes we were given for DS - so it was nice to be able to pick through his old clothes and select the properly gender neutral ones, and augment them with a few slightly more girly outfits. :)

Fluttershy · 11/05/2012 11:06

I haven't found out, wasn't sure whether to or not. Then we decided not to. The midwife seemed really shocked that we didn't find out though and made a guess at the gender listening to the heartbeat which annoyed me a little bit as we just said we didn't want to know!

RavenVonChaos · 11/05/2012 11:09

No I don't understand why people do it either.

I personally thought that my children had a right to come into the world unfettered by expectations or any gender stereotyping etc.

Didn't find out with any of mine. Don't judge people who do.

MeeWhoo · 11/05/2012 11:19

I am nosey as well, so I wanted to find out. it helped me with the name decisions and also to picture things in my head.
I think if I hadn't found out I still would hav thought it was one or the other in my head especially with everyone giving you their guess and making comments about it and then I might have been "disappointed" if I was "wrong".

RavenVonChaos · 11/05/2012 11:43

I have to say that this notion of being disappointed that you don't get the sex that you want really sticks in my throat.

I lost a child at birth and will never ever have a grown up son.

But I was so glad to give birth to healthy children that had a chance of living that their sex was immaterial.

Sorry. Had to get that off my chest.

Bonsoir · 11/05/2012 11:47

It was incredibly important to our family that DD should be a girl. Finding the sex out beforehand meant that we gave ourselves processing time to get over it before the birth if she had instead been a boy.

RavenVonChaos · 11/05/2012 11:51

But if you are presented with a baby - that needs total love, care, protection - is it really soooooo terrible that they are boy/girl. What are you afraid of....if you get the sex you don't want?

I am having trouble understanding this tbh. Children are individuals and grow up with very different personalities.