Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not understand why people find out the sex of their babybbefore its born?

318 replies

ChaosTrulyReigns · 09/05/2012 13:40

Not judging, not sniping, just wondering.

Smile

I know we all do things differently and I like to live and let live and all that, but the emotions that I felt when finding out the sex of my baby after given birth were incredible and I can't imagine the emotions experienced when told at 20 weeks could in any way compare iyswim?

Obviously I understand sexing a baby if there's health implications. Smile

As I said I'm not judging or sniping, just genunely curious as to people's rationale.

Is it a bit like the Evervest attitude?

OP posts:
HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 09/05/2012 14:35

I'm very impatient. I always open presents as soon as I'm given them and can never wait for anything, therefore I just had to find out....

Original poster
ChaosTrulyReigns · 09/05/2012 14:41

I think it was a tongue in cheek statement ILikeToMoveIt.Smile

OP posts:
FoofyShmooffer · 09/05/2012 14:42

There are those who think that waiting until the birth makes their experience far superior to those who didn't wait. That knowing the sex of their child would take away some of the magic. (which is tosh)

After the awful, awful birth of my DS and the subsequent time he spent in SCBU, his sex was neither here nor there. I could have given birth to a hairless cat it just didn't matter

There was little or no magical feeling about that birth. The magic came later.

frumpet · 09/05/2012 14:45

I did with dc3 because i knew it was my last and as there was a large gap between dc2 and 3 , we no longer had any baby stuff . Did buy neutral stuff though just incase they were wrong !

Clytaemnestra · 09/05/2012 14:45

"the hospital had a no sexy policy"

No sexy at all, for anyone?

lolajane2009 · 09/05/2012 14:48

surprises have never been pleasant to my life. i also wanted to know as hubby thought it was girl and i thought it was boy. i was right

MyMelody · 09/05/2012 14:51

Definitely no sexy at the hospital!

Quenelle · 09/05/2012 15:02

It is different for everybody of course but my friend who I saw just before she had her baby a few weeks ago summed it up nicely: if you don't know if you're having a boy or a girl you have different daydreams throughout your pregnancy. One day you'll be musing with your partner about what you'll do with your daughter, another it will be about what you'll do with your son.

I desperately didn't want to know, to the point that I wouldn't look at the screen until the sonographer assured me there was nothing to see. I felt closeness with the baby I was carrying but I didn't want to start living my child's life in my imagination before it had started.

Not sure if that makes sense now I've written it down.

Megatron · 09/05/2012 15:10

I didn't find out with either of mine, I'm not sure why. We both really just wanted to wait.

theodorakis · 09/05/2012 15:21

Just out of interest, why wouldn't you want to know? Is it not the 'done' thing? why not? I have had friends who blacked out the nursery windows when she was pregnant so we wouldn't see what colour they had painted. I have to say, my interest in the sex of her baby was utterly minimal.

FioFio · 09/05/2012 15:24

some of these posts show some right gender specific stereotyping going on!

AfternoonDelight · 09/05/2012 15:28

Because finding out at 20 weeks and at the birth are no different. You get the exact same scenario..before you didn't know and then you did. why exactly do you think the time you find out will make a difference?

woopsidaisy · 09/05/2012 15:29

Expecting DC3...didn't find out with other two, but had good idea what they were.
Definitely wanted a complete surprise with this one. Luckily you couldn't tell at the scan anyway-plus hospital has a policy not to tell you the sex.
I really like that whole moment when they come out and you hear "It's a boy/girl!"
I can't wait!

But people have been so surprised that we don'y know. Someone asked me how would I know what colour to paint my nursery?! Confused
The nursery is grand...pretty sure a baby doesn't give a toss if the carpet is blue! And obviously I would paint it pink for a girl,right?Hmm

GwendolineMaryLacey · 09/05/2012 15:32

Curiosity. The surprise is exactly the same just at different times. Personally, I thought pushing a whole person out of my nethers was surprise enough for one day.

LillianGish · 09/05/2012 15:33

YABU. They do it because they can. I can't understand why people don't bother to find out and then spend their whole pregnancy speculating - spinning wedding rings on bits of hair, making ridiculous statements like "All your weight is at the back - it must be a boy!"

lucyellensmumnamechange · 09/05/2012 15:33

I didn't have the option with DD1, was thrilled to find out she was a girl

DD2, 15 years later, we found out - i really wanted another girl, and whilst i would have loved a boy just as much, i think i would have needed time to get my head around it. Not in a negative way, just that i was so convinced that DD2 was a girl, a boy would have been a shock to the system.

Now im wanting a little boy, but im 42 this year, it wont happen :(

MoragG · 09/05/2012 15:33

Because due to mil generosity I have enough girls clothes to start a shop (ranging from 0-2) and I want to know if I can get rid of them/sell them and get boy's stuff or reuse them! Just practicality really!

AnAirOfHope · 09/05/2012 15:35

I wanted to know with my sceond cos im a cheapskate and wanted to know if i could use sons old clothes that i horeded or if i had to buy new pink tat. It turned out to be pink tat and cost us more but i love her to the moon and back.

MrsNouveauRichards · 09/05/2012 15:37

I am a bit impatient, but quite liked the idea of waiting. Unfortunately, due to DH's job, he can read ultrasounds very well and I didn't want him knowing and not me. He knew what they both were before they told us.

ScrambledSmegs · 09/05/2012 15:41

I don't see why it's 'better' to wait till you give birth, and I'm saying that as someone who didn't find out with DD.

I'd quite like to find out this time (am 13 weeks) but not tell anyone that we know. I got so tired of well-meaning people telling me what I was having last time. They were all wrong but had me convinced, DD was a huge shock!

DH doesn't want to though, so I will respect his wishes and find out like last time. Which was ten minutes later than everyone else because I passed out due to blood loss Sad.

PuffPants · 09/05/2012 15:44

Personally, I think giving birth is surprising enough without needing the big gender reveal to spice it up.

I liked having a big surprise half way through the pregnancy.

It did not make the birth itself any less special and I find it a bit Hmm that any woman would need this to enhance her childbirth experience.

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 09/05/2012 15:45

I didnt find out with DD & DS1. The hospital didnt really tell in them days anyway. I honestly didnt want to know.

But with DSs 3 & 4 it was very different. I needed to know asap.
Because I declined the Nuchal scan I had my dating scans a bit later than usual and I found out then.

I couldnt cope with the 'suprise' of having a girl. If I was going to have another girl I needed time to come to terms with it. I was totally bonkers during both prgs (in hindsight) and the extra emotional stress of waiting and seeing would have been too much.

I would have been delighted with a girl obviously but to be presented with a carbon copy (my babies are very similar looking) of my late DD would have been a bit too much [without warning] at the end of a long and painful labour.

Most people assumed I wanted to know because I was desperate for another girl and got upset on my behalf Hmm when the scans showed boys both times.

Chestnutx3 · 09/05/2012 15:47

With DD they said you are having a boy - everybody from midwifes to relatives to husband, I was huge (and I'm very petite) it was a 9lb 1oz girl. It took me 2 weeks to stop calling DD a boy, and I think it didn't help us bond in the early days. Unsurprisingly second time round I was keen to find out this time it was a boy. I was so glad I did. It also helped to tell DD that she was having a brother, she would have held out hope it was a sister.

DerbysKangaskhan · 09/05/2012 15:48

Because I got quite upset when it took them about 5 minutes to announce the sex with DD2 Sad (she was fine, they whisked her across the room straight away where I couldn't see her for reasons I still don't know other than the midwife wanted to start pulling on the cord to get the placenta out straight away). They just expect everyone to know these days so even when I said I didn't know, there has been no big announcement Sad.

PrideOfChanur · 09/05/2012 16:02

I wanted to know because otherwise the radiographers and prob the doctors would have known and we wouldn't ,which felt wrong!
It didn't work with DD though,kept going for scans where they couldn't tell or were too busy to check - it was a while ago...