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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not understand why people find out the sex of their babybbefore its born?

318 replies

ChaosTrulyReigns · 09/05/2012 13:40

Not judging, not sniping, just wondering.

Smile

I know we all do things differently and I like to live and let live and all that, but the emotions that I felt when finding out the sex of my baby after given birth were incredible and I can't imagine the emotions experienced when told at 20 weeks could in any way compare iyswim?

Obviously I understand sexing a baby if there's health implications. Smile

As I said I'm not judging or sniping, just genunely curious as to people's rationale.

Is it a bit like the Evervest attitude?

OP posts:
lockets · 09/05/2012 16:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DilysPrice · 09/05/2012 16:15

Because the sonographer knew and it would have been strange for her to know and not tell us, no? It would be unthinkable to imagine that there are a couple of people walking around the hospital who knew but I didn't.

If the DCs had been uncooperative at the scan then I'd have shrugged and let it lie, I certainly wouldn't have booked a special private scan to find out.

IvanaNap · 09/05/2012 16:17

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn as this poster has privacy concerns.

theDevilHasTheBestMNNames · 09/05/2012 16:18

Found out third time - as older DC, toddler ages, wanted to know and we need to prepare them.

HecateTrivia · 09/05/2012 16:18

I did, both times. I couldn't wait.

I also flick to the end of a book first and read the synopsis of a film plot before I watch it.

I simply cannot deal with not knowing. [control freak emoticon]

2shoes · 09/05/2012 16:22

yanbu and yabu
yes splinters on this one.
I wouldn't have wanted to know and tbh have never understood why people do, imo there are more important things to worry about, but I fully understand that some people can't wait and have ot know
so up to them.

EdlessAllenPoe · 09/05/2012 16:24

i don't because i like a surprise. this drives DH up the wall as he hates surprises.

i still look at the scan to make my own guess, but that's just me trying to be clever....

DPrince · 09/05/2012 16:29

Probably already been said but why not find out?. Its a surprise whenever you find out. Doesn't make sense to me when people say its better at the birth, how do you know.

madmouse · 09/05/2012 16:32

Each to their own - but the surprise at 20 weeks is the same as at 40. I think some people see it as peeking under the wrapping paper before Christmas!

I had another reason to want to know - I had a very strong feeling I was having a ds - knitted a blue green and white blanket by 17 weeks, kept talking about him as a boy. So I wanted to know if it was a girl. Would have been exactly as happy, but would have wanted to start talking to her as a girl.

Luckily ds decided to play exhibitionist and flung his legs out wide. The radiographer said 'well normally I'm careful but in this case it's obvious, there's his scrotum Grin.

HipHopOpotomus · 09/05/2012 16:37

It's not like its a HUGE surprise though is it. I mean, it's going to be a BOY or a GIRL!

i.e. "Congratulations it's a girl"
"Oh I wasn't expecting that - what a HUGE surprise"

:)

I guess the people who are mostly really surprised are those who were told one sex at the scan, to then give birth to the opposite sex baby. Or twins when expecting one baby, but I can't imagine that happens very much these days.

IvanaNap · 09/05/2012 16:39

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn as this poster has privacy concerns.

EdlessAllenPoe · 09/05/2012 16:41

after giving birth i generally welcome whatever light relief is going.

Bunbaker · 09/05/2012 16:42

I like surprises. I like not knowing what is in my Christmas and birthday presents before opening them, therefore I didn't want to know. I also think it adds something to the birth announcement when you can announce the sex as well as the name and the weight.

I don't get the practical planning side when it is a first child especially because you don't have to buy gender specific clothes for a small baby. DD lived in babygros until she was about 9 months old anyway.

ThierryHenryismyBoyfriend · 09/05/2012 16:43

Because me and DH wanted to know and we could. Didn't tell anyone other than immediate family. It did not spoil anything when he arrived as I was celebrating his birth and not what sex he was........

HipHopOpotomus · 09/05/2012 16:44

Congratulations on your beautiful ........ Octopus!
Blimey........
SURPRISE!

KatieMiddleton · 09/05/2012 16:46

We found out because DS was unplanned, I had a dreadful pregnancy with a shitty senior boss at work treating me terribly because I was pregnant, so it was helpful to be able to give him a name at 5 months and reconcile myself to having a baby.

Plus I am terribly impatient. We're finding out this time (planned but super speedy conception) because we want to know. And of course it's still as much of a surprise at 5 months as it is at delivery.

R2PeePoo · 09/05/2012 16:47

-To make the baby real, rather than just a thing that was causing ante-natal depression along with the other joys of pregnancy. To be able to name my baby and to talk to them with their name was important to me and my mental health at that time.

-To give me a chance to deal with any potential worries about the gender of my child and me being its mother. I was struggling with the idea of being a mother and knowing the sex meant I could visualise and cope much better.

-I fucking hated all the pondering about whether it was a boy or a girl that other people did on my behalf. I didn't find out in my second pregnancy and I hated having that conversation/hearing that conversation. But I'm just a grumpy git on that one I suppose, but I enjoyed having 20 weeks less of it.

ImNotJustMum · 09/05/2012 16:51

I couldn't imagine not knowing, it would drive me crazy! I found out with DS at the scan and I felt great at the time, I couldn't think how it would be so different finding out at the birth. I guess everyone is different.

OldGreyWiffleTest · 09/05/2012 16:52

Because I wanted a boy, and he wanted a girl. One of us had to get used to it and be disappointed. That's why!

Empusa · 09/05/2012 16:59

"-To make the baby real, rather than just a thing that was causing ante-natal depression along with the other joys of pregnancy. To be able to name my baby and to talk to them with their name was important to me and my mental health at that time."

It makes a huge difference doesn't it?

Queenofcake · 09/05/2012 17:12

I worked with a woman who was told she was expecting a girl. She gave birth to boy!!

A few years later we worked together just the 2 of us and became quite close. She told me she wished she hadnt found out the sex before hand because she found it very hard to bond with her son as she had been expecting a girl. She said it ruined the first few weeks of being a mum for her as she really couldnt get her head around having a boy as she had only ever imagined since her 20 week scan that she was having a girl.

We debated this at great length and agreed she may have had problems bonding anyway just down to first time mum shock anyway - the different sex could possibly have been just an easy reason to point to.

Anyway - many years on he is strapping young man now and she adores him and her 2 other sons that followed and now says she cannot imagine ever having girls.

Our conversations (and she was quite frank) were all pre kids for me but stuck with me. Despite my excitement and desperation to know the sex of my babies my friends experience really put me off finding out so I had the surprise after the birth.

Each to their own - mistakes must happen but must be very rare, Probably even rarer these days with 3D scans etc.

I have to say though I didnt get quite as excited when my neice arrived at 3am and my BIL called to tell me he had a daughter. I was delighted my sister was well and to hear she had arrived safely but it did feel a very slight anti climax if I am being really honest - but again- I am just the auntie. My sister chose to find out for her benefit not mine so that all good. Each to their own I very much suspect had it not been for my friends experience I may well have chosen to know the sex of mine before their arrival.

OxfordBags · 09/05/2012 17:13

I don't understand why people WAIT to find out! We loved using our DS's name from 20weeks on and certainly helped my DH feel even more bonded (not that he was struggling, but it made the baby more real). When she knew that we'd found out the sex, one of my Aunts said "Oh, but you'll have nothing to look forward to now!" and another piped up "yes, there'll be no surprises now!" I think my left eyebrow momentarily left my face it raised so high in the classic mumsnet Hmm look!

Could've done without MIL trying to persuade her to give the baby her late father's name: Eustace. We politely declined...

Bunbaker · 09/05/2012 17:22

"I don't understand why people WAIT to find out"

Why not? It doesn't change anything. I was just excited at having a viable pregnancy after 17 years of infertility.

WhiteShores · 09/05/2012 17:43

We found out ours (little boy), who is yet to arrive. :)

I found out because I am neutral emotionally about the sex, so had no sense of 'losing out on a surprise' or even any wave of emotion.

The biggest wave of emotion for me is just seeing him on the screen for the first time each scan. :)

I didn't have to do anything, or go out of my way to find out. The person doing the scanning asked me if I'd like to know, and I said 'sure'... the same way I accepted all the other bits of information (his size, physiological health, placenta position etc.)

dovebird · 09/05/2012 17:46

its still a suprise though isn't it! regardless if you found out at 5 months or when the baby is born

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