to feel my jaw drop (age 14 party)

[Ithinkitsjustme]

My DS2 (age 13) asked me if he could go to a friends 14th birthday party. I said "yes". His next question was "will you buy me some alcohol to take" so I probed a bit, he said they were being allowed to take what they wanted to drink. I said that I would talk to the parents to clarify what was happening at this party, then discuss it with his father and we would make a decision together but that he shouldn't get his hopes up.

(Just to clarify, when my DS1 was 16 we would allow him to go to adult supervised parties occassionally and take a small amount of weak alcohol with him, which he was allowed to drink. He never abused this trust and in fact I believe has justified our faith in him in that he came in worse for wear the other day for the first time ever, on his 19th birthday)

Anyway, I spoke to the mother and it turns out that the parents of this 14 year old will be supplying every child with 2 cans of cider. The boys are allowed to bring whatever they like to drink. The parents will be going out for 2 hours, during which time (from what I can gather) the boys will only be allowed in the garden (house will be locked). When the parents return the boys will not be allowed to drink any more alcohol. They are then invited to stay over night. (Is it just me or will having a 2 hour to slot their drinking in give encouragement to serious binge drinking?)

Anyway, my question is not even whether these parents are right or wrong, but rather in shock that I cannot find any parent who agrees with me that this is wrong. All my DS2's friends are going and all their parents think this is acceptable. Am I going mad, or would you expect someone somewhere to agree with me?

Holy crap! I've read op and nothing in between (as is my right before people get snippy with their "read the thread" nonsense). I know of some 14 year olds - generally considered a 'nice and sensible' group who got hold of some unauthorised alcohol. One of the boys drank the best part of a bottle of spirits and fell asleep (or more likely lapsed into unconsciousness). His friends put him in the garden to sleep it off / sober up - this was a couple of weeks ago. On checking him later they were concerned and got a responsible adult. The boy was hypothermic and suffering the effects of alcohol toxicity - he ended up in resus in A&E. Thankfully he did recover but the outcome could have been different. 14 year old boys are not mature and sensible enough to drink alcohol unsupervised

Don't think I would be letting my 14 year old going to this party!

If was only 2 cans of cider each with adult supervision, then maybe. But what is planned may be the actual original recipe for disaster. There is bound to be a competition to bring & drink the most booze. Plus, word will get around at school and older kids will gatecrash. At best, there will be copious vomiting and a trashed garden. At worst, serious injuries and a trashed house.

I went to loads of parties like this as a teenager. The ones without adults present invariably got out of hand and were actually quite frightening.

Absolutely not a hope in hell that I'd let my DD (same age as OP's DS) go to a party like this.

It sounds like the sole aim of this 'party' is for children to get drunk. What else are they going to do when left locked in a garden with nothing but drink to keep them amused? How very bizarre and ridiculous.

Maybe at 15+ I'd turn a blind eye to alcohol (in a controlled environment) but not at 13/14.

BTW, I'm far from a prude and was definitely no angel, myself.

Some people need to lighten up. Calling the police? Bizarre.

Two cans of cider for 14-year-olds. Who are these rednecks?

This is ridiculous. It's practically telling them they are expected to drink

"And I agree, it does tend to be the MC woolly liberals, who want to be their kids' best friends and can't discipline or set boundaries, who pull this sort of crap"

Totally agree SarahStratton.

Know the type. They drink too much themselves and take coke in some cases. Twats

See, two cans of cider + whatever else they bring. No guarantee that one or two of them wouldn't drink as much as they can, more than their share, and be very drunk, throwing up etc. no adults there to keep an eye out. no food/toilets available for 2 hours.

at that age their livers are not fully developed and are more easily damaged than in a grown up.

I would happily give children that age one or two units of alcohol, but there is the possibility of someone getting almost unlimited access which is the worrying part. An experienced adult loses their ability to make safe judgements after only a couple of units, for a 13 year old it would be worse.

What percentage cider are we talking here? My DH is 6 foot 4... believe me two strong ciders and he's a very sorry pussycat! They really should be supervised, it seems very irresponsible of the parents to lock them out and go out, I don't understand that bit. It'd be acceptable to me if there was alcohol at the party with the parents there, normally in the house, or if its for sick and spills (Like I rather suspect it is) the parents could be in the garden too. It'd be a no from me (and the lightweight cider husband) and we are horribly liberal... I'd say no as it sounds weird the going out and locking the house bit or let him go with no drinks, get him a massive bag of haribo and a tube of pringles. He is a 13 year old among 14 year olds after all.

My boys are not teenagers yet but i would have concerns if they wanted to do this. I would be drunk after 2 cans of cider and i guess most of these boys dont drink regularly so 2 cans is a lot and they can bring whatever they want? So they could be drinking anything unsupervised locked in a garden??? Hmm. I think i would have to say no in these circumstances.

by the way I should have clarified it'd be fine to me if there was a party with alcohol as an option, a few drinks available alongside food and pop, this sounds way removed from that or a bit of wine for toasting, it just sounds such a no.

DD was allowed one WKD for each person at her recent 13th birthday party after checking with each parent for permission . Nobody was allowed to bring any with them and I did check. There were no problems whatsoever

No I wouldnt have chosen this and kept her waiting ages for a decision when she asked however I dont regret allowing it

Those saying call the police need to get a grip. Big time.

wow these parents haven't though this through, they are planning on letting a large number of teenagers get hammered in their garden (and they will be hammered) assuming the neighbours won't complain (who will end up with cans in their gardens as well as lots of noise!), then they will be dealling with a number of vomitting teenagers through the night, or at best, drunk teenagers they can't reason with to go to sleep, or trusted to be able to stay standing inside the house without knocking over anything breakable... Then deal with the carnage in their garden the next day/clean up the neighbours gardens.

I hope you are suitably smug when you next see the mother and hear the tales of her landing carpet outside the bathroom needing to be replaced from all the vom...

If you want to acclimatise your children into using alcohol in social ways at then what's wrong with something that people toast with - like fizzy wine? Why choose something cheap and strong that DCs drink in a illicit way to get pissed, like cider. IMO, it's sending out all the wrong messages

sorry - that was to gettingeasier ^

gettingeasier - why do 13 year olds need alcohol at a party?

Dd is 14, 15 in October.

Next month she sits her Brevet - the school-leaving exam. She has been talking for some months about 'everyone getting pissed out of their brains' at a massive leaving party.

The people in her year are aged between 14 and 16, nearly 17 due to the practise of redoubling a year if your marks aren't good enough to go up to the next year. She told me this afternoon that, when she went out for a walk around to de-stress during her mocks, she was offered a drag of someone's joint and accepted. She was also talking about someone who ran away from his alcoholic father, and said that 'he only smokes weed'.

Just been discussing this with dh - we were already thinking that this party to celebrate the end of the Brevet was going to be off-limits. The fact that there are likely to be drugs there, even more so. She's already said that another boy in the year supplies.

So, my answer would be a 'no'.

There is a world of difference between the parents turning a blind eye to booze going missing, even though it's likely to be higher in alcohol than cider, and deliberately buying 2 cans of cider for each attendee and 'doling' it out. That seems to be much more like 'supply' than the offering of a glass of cider would be as part of a family gathering.

Then there's the possibility of the 'viral' element..........with umpteen unknown, and older, teens turning up.

Fwiw, we'll probably be saying 'no' to dd, too.

The hosts must really hate their neighbours! Locking a load of teenage boys and an alcohol supply in the garden would be a really good way to get next door to consider moving.

Hello why not supply them with a spiff each,at least they'd be quiet eat her out of house and home

If they could get in Moomenny!