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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel my jaw drop (age 14 party)

257 replies

Ithinkitsjustme · 09/05/2012 10:17

My DS2 (age 13) asked me if he could go to a friends 14th birthday party. I said "yes". His next question was "will you buy me some alcohol to take" so I probed a bit, he said they were being allowed to take what they wanted to drink. I said that I would talk to the parents to clarify what was happening at this party, then discuss it with his father and we would make a decision together but that he shouldn't get his hopes up.

(Just to clarify, when my DS1 was 16 we would allow him to go to adult supervised parties occassionally and take a small amount of weak alcohol with him, which he was allowed to drink. He never abused this trust and in fact I believe has justified our faith in him in that he came in worse for wear the other day for the first time ever, on his 19th birthday)

Anyway, I spoke to the mother and it turns out that the parents of this 14 year old will be supplying every child with 2 cans of cider. The boys are allowed to bring whatever they like to drink. The parents will be going out for 2 hours, during which time (from what I can gather) the boys will only be allowed in the garden (house will be locked). When the parents return the boys will not be allowed to drink any more alcohol. They are then invited to stay over night. (Is it just me or will having a 2 hour to slot their drinking in give encouragement to serious binge drinking?)

Anyway, my question is not even whether these parents are right or wrong, but rather in shock that I cannot find any parent who agrees with me that this is wrong. All my DS2's friends are going and all their parents think this is acceptable. Am I going mad, or would you expect someone somewhere to agree with me?

OP posts:
ShellyBobbs · 09/05/2012 13:08

Ithinkitsjustme Just reading the rest of the posts now and I see your son isn't going anyway. Phew :) Yes it is ridiculous and good for you.

TheHouseOnTheCorner · 09/05/2012 13:09

God. I would NEVER have asked my Mum for alcohol at that age! Aren't you meant to nick sherry from the drinks cabinet? Wink

babybythesea · 09/05/2012 13:12

Guadaloupe - glad to have brought a little sunshine into your day!!!

DaDerDaDer · 09/05/2012 13:14

As a special treat at my DSs party (aged 13yrs) I bought them fizzy vimto and Dr Pepper. (he was v pleased I never buy this stuff).

It has never occurrd to me to offer my child alcohol.

As I say parallell universe.

shockers · 09/05/2012 13:18

I'm glad DS's peer group are quite niave. The last party he went to involved football and lots of chocolate cake (he's 12).

By comparison, I saw a thread on a friend's fb by some boys that went to his primary (different high school). They were all drunk and really abusive toward a boy who wasn't at the party, calling him "A fat ugly bastard", calling his mother "A dirty prossie" and commenting on his house (his family don't have a lot).

Also,I would have been pretty drunk after 2 cans of cider last Saturday at 13.

SarahStratton · 09/05/2012 13:22

In this instance the adult is procuring for the minors. They will be purchasing specifically for this party, knowingly buying the alcohol for the 13/14 yo's. That is procurement.

And I agree, it does tend to be the MC woolly liberals, who want to be their kids' best friends and can't discipline or set boundaries, who pull this sort of crap. 2 cans of cider is more than enough to get a child who isn't used to drinking, pissed. Plus there will be plenty who only drink 1, and the idiots who bring additional alcohol. So there will be a hardcore of children with more than enough to drink.

Love the 'lying in the street' bit baby, made me roar too. Grin

CardyMow · 09/05/2012 13:24

At 14yo? My DD is 14yo. She would NOT be going to this party. It doesn't sound properly supervised, and I WOULD find it jaw dropping.

hackmum · 09/05/2012 13:28

OP, I am completely in agreement with you and am shocked at some of the responses on here. What sort of idiot buys alcohol for children (which as Sarah Stratton says is illegal) and then leaves them to drink for two hours unsupervised? I can't believe there are people on here who think that's OK. The job of a parent is to parent, ffs, not to allow an effing free-for-all.

whackamole · 09/05/2012 13:34

I agree with you OP.

At 13/14 I would have been absolutely on my arse on two cans of cider, especially if I was basically being forced to neck them in two hours. They basically have the promise of at least those two cans, and then more as other parents are giving them more alcohol as well?

When I was about their age, a friend of mine had a birthday party. She invited everyone she knew - it was an unsupervised party at her grandmother's house - she had recently died so the house was empty. I remember being absolutely bladdered and snogging the boy of my dreams irrelevant - I also remember some younger girls (about 14) that had come passed out in the garden.

My parents allowed me to go (I was 16 then) but would have been horrified had they seen what we got up to.

fallenangle · 09/05/2012 13:34

The Rhubarb If you really think shameless is about 'working class' people you have watched a different programme to the one watch. I am going to stop this pointless bickering as neither of us know the background of the party throwers. We do know their attitude to care for their own, and other people's, children though.

Original poster
Ithinkitsjustme · 09/05/2012 13:38

Just to clarify, this question is not a class issue at all. While I don't think it's relevent we are not talking about council estates here.

OP posts:
Sallyingforth · 09/05/2012 13:39

Can the OP tell us the date of this pissup party? I'd like to check the press reports.

catgirl1976 · 09/05/2012 14:20

13 seems too young for me. I was a dreadful teenager (boys, drink, drugs) but I think 13 is far too young.

I am in favour of small amounts of alchohol in controlled environments (a little watered down wine a dinner, a small champagne at a celebration, maybe a shandy) but it isn't a controlled environement, its a group of unsupervised 13 year olds in a garden. 2 cans of cider is too much and other boys could be be bringing much more.

YANBU

LittlePicnic · 09/05/2012 16:24

What if it rains? I wouldn't let 14 year old boys do that at a party? 18 yes, 17 maybe, but 14 - no!

Spuddybean · 09/05/2012 18:39

Oh dear i must say when i read the OP i was more Shock about being locked in the garden. I wouldn't even lock dogs out in the garden ffs!

I would never allow my child to go somewhere where they would be shut in the garden for hours. I think 2 cans each at 14 is fine tho, but then the bringing more part would be unacceptable. Also i would want them supervised at all times.

complexnumber · 09/05/2012 18:56

Am I the only mumsnetter who was drinking in pubs at the age of 14? Not admirable by any means, but a reality. (This was mid 70's)

(My dad was the captain of his local pub's darts team aged 15, apparently things got rather awkward when his pub played his father's pub)

catgirl1976 · 09/05/2012 19:07

I was taking LSD at 14 complex.

Doesn't mean I'd pop it in the party bags at a bash for DS and friends.

marriedinwhite · 09/05/2012 19:20

I have a ds of 17 and a dd of 14. IT IS WRONG ON EVERY LEVEL. And our dcs aren't wimps.

ReshapeWhileDamp · 09/05/2012 19:25

Fuck me. At 13 or 14? Is this what happens nowadays?

Actually, I don't give a monkey's what happens or doesn't happen or what's deemed acceptable for barely teenage children these days. If it were my child, they would not be going. If they were a couple of years older and the parents of the birthday boy were going to be in the house, committed to keeping an eye open, then yes, I suppose I'd say ok. But at this age? And WTF is with the parents buggering off, leaving very underage drinkers in their garden unsupervised with a time-limit to chug as much as they've brought with them...? Frankly it beggars belief, and I'm quite certain I'll get people suggesting I 'get a grip' Hmm or that I don't know what things are like these days. You're right - I don't. But this is batshit crazy.

BellaVita · 09/05/2012 19:28

I have no problem with my nearly 13 yr old or 15 yr old having a small glass of wine at our dinner table (and actually this has not happened very often - DS2 has asked twice and DS1 turns it down). Sometimes DS2 has a shandy when my parents are here. But I would have a problem at someone else's house. My DS1 would not be going...

LucyGoose · 09/05/2012 19:35

OP's son seems to have more sense and maturity than the "parents" of the birthday boy! You should be proud Ithinkitsjustme

FayeGovan · 09/05/2012 21:00

op, totally agree with you, my ds wouldnt be going too and I wouldnt give a rats arse what the other nutters parents thought

Joiningthegang · 09/05/2012 21:05

No, don't think I'd be up for that one.

For the record, only illegal for child to drink alcohol under age 5. Illegal to buy it under age of 18. Also illegal to proxy purchase for a child.

14yr olds can drink cider or lager in a pub if with a meal.

It's all fairly complicated - but it's a no from me!

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 09/05/2012 21:10

My first thought was what if it rains (highly likely at the moment) while the house is locked. My that would be a fun party. I would not have been up for this for either of my kids, even though as it turns out neither are big drinkers.

ivanapoo · 09/05/2012 22:02

If there is no puking at this party I will be amazed.

Please get your son to give you an update so you can share the carnage with us ;) not that I'm nosy

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