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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel my jaw drop (age 14 party)

257 replies

Ithinkitsjustme · 09/05/2012 10:17

My DS2 (age 13) asked me if he could go to a friends 14th birthday party. I said "yes". His next question was "will you buy me some alcohol to take" so I probed a bit, he said they were being allowed to take what they wanted to drink. I said that I would talk to the parents to clarify what was happening at this party, then discuss it with his father and we would make a decision together but that he shouldn't get his hopes up.

(Just to clarify, when my DS1 was 16 we would allow him to go to adult supervised parties occassionally and take a small amount of weak alcohol with him, which he was allowed to drink. He never abused this trust and in fact I believe has justified our faith in him in that he came in worse for wear the other day for the first time ever, on his 19th birthday)

Anyway, I spoke to the mother and it turns out that the parents of this 14 year old will be supplying every child with 2 cans of cider. The boys are allowed to bring whatever they like to drink. The parents will be going out for 2 hours, during which time (from what I can gather) the boys will only be allowed in the garden (house will be locked). When the parents return the boys will not be allowed to drink any more alcohol. They are then invited to stay over night. (Is it just me or will having a 2 hour to slot their drinking in give encouragement to serious binge drinking?)

Anyway, my question is not even whether these parents are right or wrong, but rather in shock that I cannot find any parent who agrees with me that this is wrong. All my DS2's friends are going and all their parents think this is acceptable. Am I going mad, or would you expect someone somewhere to agree with me?

OP posts:
Serendipity30 · 09/05/2012 22:11

what is so sad is that most people on this thread are quite happy for they 13-14 year olds to drink alcohol, why does alcohol have to be part of the equation that young.

tropicalfish · 09/05/2012 22:19

Perhaps the parents of the other kids going dont know about the dcs being on their own outside.
I wouldnt let my dc go. Its a bit bloody cold at the moment not to mention rainy. I dont like the fact its unsupervised and someone can bring a bottle of vodka !

exoticfruits · 09/05/2012 22:25

The whole thing seems madly irresponsible - I wouldn't let him go.

ApocalypseThen · 09/05/2012 22:38

It's insane. You're right not to let your boy go - there's no reasonable excuse for plying children, really, with alcohol and leaving them outdoors unsupervised.

There is no part of the arrangement that's reasonable or normal.

babybythesea · 09/05/2012 23:03

I'm pleased to have cheered so many people up on this rainy wet day!

It also gives me a luagh from time to time - the idea that they lay in the tarmac for ten minutes before sheepishly heading indoors.
But, they were extremely drunk, on a road that wasn't lit by streetlamps and on which people drive fairly fast. Occasionally I get shivers thinking about what might have been had someone approached - the road is semi-rural and not all that straight. Although it is wide, they were lying across the white lines. As a driver in a similar area I do sometimes think of driving round a bend to find two lads caught in my headlights with not much time to react. Could have been nasty. And we all found it funny at the time - not a single person said 'Get up or you could cause an accident'. Which is why unsupervised 14 year olds and alcohol don't mix.

Heleninahandcart · 09/05/2012 23:58

YANBU I would have said a straight no. I said no to my DS at that age, I think he was quite pleased not to have to drink. 3 years later he has started drinking in moderation at friends houses. Do what you think is right for your DS, it probably is.

radiolater · 10/05/2012 00:12

Not read all of this but I have 3 teens aged 15, 14 and 13.

NO WAY would I buy them alcohol to take to a party! They are young and have plenty of time to abuse alcohol when they can afford to do so.

When they can pay for it, it is up to them. I am not funding it!

Anyway in answer to Op I would be seriously Hmm

AnnieLobeseder · 10/05/2012 00:13

I've read previous posts on MN about drinking at parties for 14yo, and sat with my mouth open in utter shock. When I posted about how shocked I was, I was met with much hilarity about how naive I am.

I am a large 38yo woman and I would be pissed on 2 cans of cider.

I'm so pleased to see a bit more shock and outrage on this thread. It has really been depressing me that it seemed so normal and acceptable, not just that such young teens are drinking at their birthday parties, but that their parents completely approve and are actually providing the alcohol.

No wonder this country has such a drink problem. I've never seen anything like it in any other country where I've lived.

Idocrazythings · 10/05/2012 00:14

Aren't their brains still developing at 13-14? why would anyone want to encourage it? Hopefully by the time my children are that age they will be doing so much sport and afterschool activities they'll be too exhausted to even want to go to such parties! (not that they'd be allowed)

Zinkies · 10/05/2012 00:26

"On behalf of" means "acting as the agent of" i.e. buying for someone else with their money rather than with your own.

I think in a way the statute might have been phrased with the intent of making the casual reader think it's illegal to buy alcohol for consumption by a young person. Certainly it tends to have that effect, but it's not the case. It's not illegal.

You can check CPS guidance on this offence or a statutory interpretation book if you don't believe me.

BenjiAndTheTigers · 10/05/2012 07:28

Haven't read the whole thread.

Has anyone mentioned the medical implications of children (and they are children) drinking alcohol at this age.?

I'm not going to debate the pros or cons of giving permission to drink alcohol at this age. Your child, your choice but at least give them the statistics of brain damage etc. that it causes.

That way they can at least make an informed choice.

Havingaminutespeace · 10/05/2012 11:23

Haven't read all the thread, just the first few pages. Keeping aside the alcohol issue a minute, what about the fact they're all going to be locked out of the house for a couple of hours while getting bladdered on booze?!
Which they will be, if they're all allowed to bring what they like, as well as have two cans each provided!)
What are they supposed to do when they inevitably need to wee after all that guzzling?!
Pee drunkenly all over the garden/rose bushes?!
Yeah, great idea! Confused

NagooIsBuildingAnArk · 10/05/2012 11:35

YANBU OP,

it isn't just you. I don't understand how anyone thinks that locking a load of drunk 14YOs in a garden is a good plan. Confused

If the parents stayed in the house I'd think that this was a lot less strange.

LeQueen · 10/05/2012 11:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

malinois · 10/05/2012 11:51

Grossly irresponsible? Yes.

Illegal? No.

Those who believe that buying alcohol which is subsequently given to under-18s is illegal have misunderstood the law.

The law makes acting as an agent for under-18s, i.e. taking money from children and then buying the alcohol on their behalf, illegal.

Giving alcohol to under-18s in a private residence is not illegal - in fact 14 year olds and over can even drink beer, cider or wine with a meal in a pub or restaurant.

SarahBumBarer · 10/05/2012 12:23

This was totally the norm when I was 14 in fact we were probably given more freedom than 2 cans of cider/2 hours. I don't recall things ever getting out of hand at the 14/15/16 birthday parties. Post 16 we were all managing to get served in pubs anyway and things started to get a bit wilder admittedly. I think my parents/my friends parents did a fantastic job of being relaxed about such things, giving us some freedom and yet clearly ensuring that we were responsible.

It all seems much more Biscuit nowadays (maybe it is just mumsnet) and I am just glad that I don't need to think about such things for another 12 years or so re the DC because despite thinking things were done in a pretty balanced way when I was 14 I'm not at all sure I will be so relaxed when it comes to my own children and yet I do not want my children's upbringing to be any stricter than my own was.

complexnumber · 10/05/2012 12:26

I was taking LSD at 14 complex.

Doesn't mean I'd pop it in the party bags at a bash for DS and friends.

catgirl1976

Well, that's a good few years before me!

I bet you turned out alright in the end though. I did, I'm a pillar of middle class respectability now :)

catgirl1976 · 10/05/2012 12:31

Grin I'm fine now - I have a job, different types of hummous and nice bedding so it all turned out ok Grin

I will try to remember that when DS gets older and hopefully have adult, non hysterical conversations with him about drink and drugs etc, but I won't be encouraging him to get pished up at 13 in an unsupervised back garden :)

ReshapeWhileDamp · 10/05/2012 12:33

Malinois - surely it's illegal not to supervise underage drinkers if they're consuming it in your house/on your premises?

Zinkies · 10/05/2012 12:50

malinois - Nearly, but where you say 14, it's actually 16.

www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2003/17/section/150

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 10/05/2012 12:54

14 actually rings a bell for me. Maybe it was 14 and has since changed?

elinorbellowed · 10/05/2012 12:59

When growing up I had a few friends whose middle-class liberal parents gave us the freedom of their houses for parties, provided lots of food and turned a blind eye to booze and dope. WHEN WE WERE SIXTEEN! The drinking experiences we had when younger were hellish.

LittleWhiteMice · 10/05/2012 13:03

isnt the supply thing only in shops?

vintagewarrior · 11/05/2012 11:36

Astounded that people think 13/14/15 is acceptable drinking age?
This is coming from a ex party girl / raver!
Alcoholics in the making, with stunted personalities.
Very scary.

Sooty7 · 11/05/2012 16:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.