To be furious about dd's hair cut?

[Hockacholic]

7 year old dd went to play at a friends house yesterday. Dd had long bum length hair but when she got dropped home friends mum (a hairdresser) had cut dd's hair into a shoulder length bob! I didn't see the mum as she just dropped dd at the door and she came in on her own. I am so upset dd had never had her hair cut it was lovely, I know I can't do any thing about it now and dd is happy with her new hair style. AIBU to think friends mum should have spoken to me about this first?

Aw Natasha that's such a shame about your DSD's wishes being trodden down!

And by her mum too!

Did that really happen and she dropped her off at door alone ?? At 7 yes she is able to express opinions on how she wants her hair but it has totally got to be OK with Parents. I would be furious

Please, please don't say thanks for the cut to this woman, as some posters have advised. Why? Why would you show any gratitude? So what if it's a good haircut and it's free? It should never have happened without your permission, and if you say thank you, you are validating what happened.

Unless you say it in a tone dripping with sarcasm!
Then say "I'll be sure to return the favour when your DD comes over here to play"

I would be cross but a bit at a loss as to how to express anger to this Mum. Of course she should have asked first even if your daughter was begging her to cut her hair. I would go down the text line of - although your daughter likes her hair please never do such a thing again without phoning you first. At least the subject is then broached before school pick up. Hopefully the woman will have the decency to say sorry and 'reflect' before doing something like that again without parental permission.

RinKan
''you got a professional haircut''

Professional? She ain't no professional going about it that way!

I would be infuckingcandescent!!!

My grandfather did this to my DTS's (now adults) without permission, when they were 3 years old. The cut looked like a pudding bowl had been put on their heads! I immediately called him on it, and he got very defensive and arsey-refused to speak to me for 6 months'. He was well out of order and he knew it.

I just cannot believe this woman took it upon herself to do this to the OP's DD's hair, without permission. In whose world can that be right? My DD is only 17 months-but if she had ultra long hair when older and a friend's parent did this on a play date, I would see it as a major intrusion.

I cannot wait for the explanation/justification when the OP speaks to this woman about it......

Please don't text-this needs to be an in person conversation.....or at the very least if that's not feasible, a telephone call

Ask if she still has the hair. My DD donated hers to the princess' wigs charity.
Something good could still come out of it.

do you think she's sold it?!!

Yes, I bet the other mother sold the hair.

Anyway, cutting someone's hair without proper permission is tantamount to assault.

I still want to know what the child said.

No, I don't think she sold the hair.
OP could ask her DD if it was put into a pony tail, with a band at the end of it.
That suggests it was being harvested

You need to find out what happened before you say anything. Don't send any accusatory texts, that could cause unnecessary problems.

Phone her and ask how the haircut came about, what happened before, what did your DD say?

Give her chance to explain. Then you could say a phone call beforehand would have been appreciated.

I'm itching to know what the woman's response will be.

Yes, ring and ask for the hair so it can be donated. Unless it's your bin day, it should be retrievable. Let us know what she says.

I can see this from a child's point of view only I had hair so long that I could sit on it at the age of seven. It had last been cut when I was 3. I hated it and was sick to death of the constant plaiting, brushing and nightmare every time we went to the seaside and I came home with salty hair that was so painful to brush out.

However, my mother absolutely cherished my hair and refused to allow me to get it cut. Eventually, I wore her down and when I was nearly 8 she took me to the hairdresser where it was cut to shoulder length. When my dm died a couple of years ago I found a length of plaited golden hair which she'd brought home from that visit to the hairdresser and kept ever since. Since she was not an over-sentimental woman, I now realise how significant that haircut was.

So while I disagree with a child not having any say over how they'd like their hair I can also see that having it cut goes beyond the mere action of a haircut. I'd expect any parent to realise that you don't cut a child's hair without getting permission first. Regardless of how good a job you make of it or how much the child assures you they want it cut. It's over-stepping boundaries quite massively to do so.

With plants, if your neighbours' plants are overhanging your property, you are allowed to cut the overhang off provided you don't damage the plant and offer the clippings back to the owner. She needs to offer you the bits she cut off.

I would have gone bloody ape shit if someone had done that to my dd!

your dd's had unusually long hair so this woman should have been bright enough to realise that you want it long. She cut off a lot, as a hairdresser she must know that a lot of people are uncomfortable with dramatic changes on themselves so presumably also on their dc. SHe shouldn't have gone about it behind your back the way she did. I find it hard to imagine a hairdresser just cutting her dd's friend's hair like that without speaking to the parent first to check it was ok. If she had plaited the hair or done something like that, it would have been fine with me but to cut it without asking the parents is a bizarre thing to do. I think you should call her and tell her how you feel about it.

I'm surprised that someone would take the word of a 7 year old as gospel about something like this( if the child had said mum says it's ok)

But it's her hair, not the mother's. If she wants it cut why shouldn't she?

Because she is 7. Surely if she wanted it cut she could have discussed it with the Mum and made arrangements.

maybe another girl wants her eyebrows plucked to a thin line, is it ok for me to just do that then? I don't think so.