To be furious about dd's hair cut?

[Hockacholic]

7 year old dd went to play at a friends house yesterday. Dd had long bum length hair but when she got dropped home friends mum (a hairdresser) had cut dd's hair into a shoulder length bob! I didn't see the mum as she just dropped dd at the door and she came in on her own. I am so upset dd had never had her hair cut it was lovely, I know I can't do any thing about it now and dd is happy with her new hair style. AIBU to think friends mum should have spoken to me about this first?

I hate the idea that children are somehow extensions of their parents.

But plucked eyebrows are not appropriate for 7 year olds. Shoulder length hair is.

I hate the idea that children are somehow extensions of their parents.

Since when did wanting some involvement with your 7 year old's appearance count as being an extension of a parent?

I'm a great believer in children making decisions about what they want to wear, etc., but I'd expect to have those discussions with my children. Not for someone else to make an arbitrary decision that might have unhelpful consequences.

My child is not an extension of me but I would feel pissed off if they took themselves somewhere and had a haircut at 7 without the Mum phoning me first, in fact I believe my 14 year old would not do that as we would discuss then book appointment, I would be equally as annoyed at her doing it. Not a case of downtreading their opinions just mutual respect for each other.

You would be annoyed with your 14 year old getting a haircut without permission????????? woooohhhhh!

Maybe so, but it's not appropriate for another parent to make that decision seeker. It's about being given the opportunity to discuss that with your own, very young child, first.

I would if she felt we could not talk about it, not annoyed I guess, but the point I was making [badly as I have done on other posts today] is that your children should gauge your opinions in life and especially at 7 !

I would have cried! I mean to keep a lock of DD (and future Dc's) first haircut hair.

After that she can shave it for all I care

I don't see the obsession with long hair. Your daughter asked for it, and likes it

BUT, the other mum should have phoned you first. I hope, after discussion with your daughter, you'd have let her go ahead, but you should have been given that opportunity

Of course she should have asked first but if your daughter likes it I can't see it's so dreadful. If it looked terrible and your DD was in tears it would be different.

Honeydragon

I kind of like your response, but I still think the onus is on the adult to check something like this

YADNBU

Shocking behaviour by the other mum.

I will be very interested to hear her explanation of why she didn't phone you OP.

Agree with gafhy, how difficult would it have been to pick up the phone and call you?

Yes she should have called you first but its only hair it'll grow back!

Can't believe all the talk about solicitors etc... if only i had so little to worry about...

Gosh, I am surprised about the number of people who reckon they'd have no problem with it because "it's her hair, not the OP's". I too would be very cross if this happened, and the hairdresser mum is seriously dim to have gone ahead without checking.

My cousin's boys all had beautiful golden ringlets, looked rather surfer/cherubic - however their dad took them all for a buzz cut. My cousin was so upset she actually cried. She sent out her three little boys, and got back a bunch of GI Joes.
I think this is more about the mother letting go of their child's 'babyness', and isn't really someone else's decision to make (of course my cousin wouldn't have minded if her DH had checked with her first). It would have been a nice thing for the mum and dd to do together.

I had bottom-length never-cut hair when I was 6, I was very proud of being able to sit on my hair! It was very neat and tidy, always plaited, and my plait was blonde at the tip. I still have it in a box somewhere!

Not the point of little to worry about I think it is disrespectful to go behind your Mums back. Had she asked it to be cut OP and you said no ? I f she goes next time and wants her hair bright blue then "Oh it OK it is her hair"

birdsgottafly I feel the same with baby fluff curls, it needs trimming to help it grow healthily.

How does cutting the (already dead) ends of hair encourage any kind of healthy growth at the still-living root? AFAIK cutting hair makes NO difference as to how healthily or how quickly it grows, it can just make it look better (or worse!)

Hair is just inanimate keratin.
Cutting doesn't actually make it any healthier or more vigorous - that's plants.

I would go fucking fruitloop.

It's not about the hair, it's that she cut it without permission. I am not fetishising a little girl's hair, I was for my friend when her FIL cut her little boy's hair.

This random woman took it upon herself to cut your child's hair without consulting you. Bollocks to no confrontation, tell her she's out of line.

I LOVE the idea of the local paper 'sad face' story, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

You just don't cut a child's hair unless you have parental responsibility for them.

OP, had your daughter spoken to you about wanting it cut? I can see the motivation to be a bit sneaky about it if your DD has asked you to get her hair cut and you said no. I think she should have a say in how she wears her own hair at 7YO.

Why didn't you ring her straight away?

Do we really believe this is real?

It does seem odd that the OP never phoned straight away

Still it got MN frothing

Nah , Its a load of rubbish, someones on a wind up.

But this is not just about a haircut.