To be furious about dd's hair cut?

[Hockacholic]

7 year old dd went to play at a friends house yesterday. Dd had long bum length hair but when she got dropped home friends mum (a hairdresser) had cut dd's hair into a shoulder length bob! I didn't see the mum as she just dropped dd at the door and she came in on her own. I am so upset dd had never had her hair cut it was lovely, I know I can't do any thing about it now and dd is happy with her new hair style. AIBU to think friends mum should have spoken to me about this first?

I would be really annoyed if someone took it upon themselves to do that without asking. At the very least she should have rang you first. That's just wrong. You need to say something to her about it.

OP, you have to let this woman know that what she did is NOT okay! Why on earth didn't she check with you first, even if it was to advise you the girls had been playing hairdressers and it had gone wrong? There is NO excuse for that!

I think that the other mum should have certainly called you first.

I would just say 'I was a bit upset that you cut it without asking me, but you have done a good job and DD loves it so thankyou, I just wish you had checked'

That way your daughter is unlikely to come home with a mohawk next time. And you have thanked her for saving you a few quid at the hairdressers

Seriously? Someone randomly cut your child's hair and you haven't rung her yet. Unbelievable. I'm laid back but I would have been straight on the phone.

I bet the child concerned has been desperate to have it cut and seized the opportunity.

Some people are really stupid bout their dd's hair.

YANBU.

I am shocked that she didn't phone you for consent first. You need to phone and find out what happened. I wouldn't mind if the kids had cut each other's hair and she was able to tidy it up (surely even the most molly-coddled kids are allowed to play unattended at seven?). However, if she had taken this decision herself, I'd worry she had an over-inflated sense of entitlement when looking after my child.

The thing is Seeker, it's not about hair, is it?

I would have called straight away too. Absolutely outrageous. Who on earth does this bloody woman thinks she is.
Presumably those of you saying it's OK to cut another child's hair would have no compunction about doing it yourselves then?

Of course it's wrong. I would be livid and I would absolutely need to tell the woman so.

Actually I don't believe the people who say it's ok and no need to make a fuss.

You all know this is a gross intrusion. You're just being contrary for the sake of it. I bet none of you has ever cut another child's hair.

I've never heard the like.

Bollocks is it a "gross intrusion." It's an odd situation, and one that probably has a reasonable explanation. That is all.

Bullshit.

So it would be ok to cut up and reshape her clothes too? Perhaps turn her trousers into shorts because YOU prefer it? After all, you can buy new trousers quicker than you can grow back hair.

It's not just about the hair though is it. It's that fact that a friend took a big decision that wasn't necessary without telling the op first. I think it's pretty disrespectful and thoughtless. My dd has very long hair, if she wanted it cut I would let her, but would not be pleased if someone had gone ahead with that without at least telling me first.

I normally think text rowing is a really bad idea but in this case I reckon it would be perfect.

Quick text: WTF have you done to my child's hair

Followed by: And you did not ask for parental permission because . . .?

It doesn't cost money to grow hair.

I would be livid if my 7 year old child had had a haircut from another child's Mother during a play date without the courtesy of a phone call to check it was okay. Completely unacceptable behaviour from that Mum .

I'm finding this hard to believe.

If this were my daughter the scissor-happy mother would by now be carrying said scissors in a very new and deeply painful way. I would be beyond livid and the woman would sure as hell know about it although I don't think that anyone would dare do that to a child of mine because they'd know for damn sure that it wouldn't end well for them. Hockaholic. you say that you don't want any confrontation so I don't really see what you can do then, except perhaps wait for something similar to happen another day. Maybe you do need to be a bit confrontational this time, just to ensure that the message gets across and this kind of thing never happens again.

I would want to know exactly what the child said before I went in all guns blazing!

Thing is, at 7 (when they often have enough trouble deciding between two types of breakfast cereal) there's every chance she'd have taken one look in the mirror after the cut and burst into tears. If I were the other Mum I just wouldn't have risked it. A quick phone call to you, just to check that you didn't say "Oh god no don't do it - she's always saying she wants it cut and we get to the hairdresser's and she changes her mind!" would have been the right - and sensible, to cover her own arse - thing to do.

A 7 year old isn't always likely to stand up for herself in front of a friend getting her hair cut and her scissor wielding mother is she? She is quite likely to just 'go along with it'

Wow what an amazingly dramatic story for your first post on Mumsnet! Still, the average mumsnetter likes nothing more than a bit of frothing outrage on someone else's behalf - clever of you to know that .

Hello original!

So it's about money Jenai? So you wouldn't be allowed to cut up someone's clothes because they cost money but as hair is free - slice away? No need to ask the parent?

It seems to me many of the people saying YABU are doing so because they don't like long hair or think it should have been cut. It's the principle that's important NOT your taste in hair.