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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be furious about dd's hair cut?

481 replies

Hockacholic · 08/05/2012 10:22

7 year old dd went to play at a friends house yesterday. Dd had long bum length hair but when she got dropped home friends mum (a hairdresser) had cut dd's hair into a shoulder length bob! I didn't see the mum as she just dropped dd at the door and she came in on her own. I am so upset dd had never had her hair cut it was lovely, I know I can't do any thing about it now and dd is happy with her new hair style. AIBU to think friends mum should have spoken to me about this first?

OP posts:

LaCiccolina · 08/05/2012 20:35

My flabber is well and truly gasted.

The woman is plainly nuts. Have a word, then Get her back properly. Mention in passing to all mums at the school gates that she did it without asking you. Don't be nasty just let nature take its course..... I have never heard of anything so ridiculous. The question of whether its your daughters hair is not the point here. The professional(?!) woman should not have acted with out checking first.

KitchenandJumble · 08/05/2012 20:37

Of course the other mother should have consulted you first, though it sounds as though your DD really wanted this haircut.

I had very long hair as a child. I actually hated it, but my parents were so emotionally attached to my having long hair that I went along with them. I had it cut when I was 13 or 14, and I must say it was quite liberating. I wished I'd plucked up the courage to do it sooner. I wish I'd had your DD's self-confidence at seven (and a friend whose mother was a hairdresser. . .).

ll31 · 08/05/2012 20:37

Agree - completely bizarre behaviour and completely unacceptable to do without checking with you

Tiddlyompompom · 08/05/2012 20:51

Well done for speaking to her OP, at least you got an apology.
Your DD probably didn't think she was 'lying' as you had previously offered the haircuts she'd then changed her mind about, so therefore assumed you were ok with it getting cut full stop.
Kids have great memories for these things, but no consideration of parents feelings! My mum kept moving the goalposts for when I could get my ears pierced (first promised I could when I was 10, then 12, then 14) so when she said no again at 14 my aunt just took me out and got it done! She wasn't thrilled, but couldn't deny she had said I could have it done at 14.

Raggydoll · 08/05/2012 21:00

I would be (privately) livid. But equally I would be worried my dd agreed to it just to please... She is very fond of some of her friends mums and I could imagine her agreeing to something she would instantly regret just because she wanted to please - which is exactly why the mom should have checked with the parent first - or as someone said earlier, given your dd time to properly consider the decision.

Also - the comment someone made about not being as pretty is completely out of order!

seeker · 08/05/2012 21:33

The op's dd and the friend's daughter hatched it up between them. They both
swore black and blue that the op had said it was ok to ask. The op's daughter must have really wanted her hir cut.

And I still maintain that 7 is perfectly old enough to make a decision about something so personal to her. It's not permanent. It was done by a professional. And the girl concerned loves the result.

The people talking about assault, and solicitors and so on a out of their tiny minds.

Tugboat · 08/05/2012 21:40

I would be very annoyed with your dd's friends mum but even more so with your DD for lying.

My DB looked afer my DC the other day and he took them out for lunch and they both convinced him they were allowed salt and vinegar My brother doesn't have children and it wouldnt have occured to him that they were lying... I didn't have a go at him I just said not to let them again. DD's were in big trouble for lying though.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 08/05/2012 21:49

There we go, all sorted and lessons learnt all round.

No need for the frothing berserkery.

HoneyDragonWearingLederhosen · 08/05/2012 21:56

Yup, fibs get the big bollock here too.

Glad you spoke about it op, well done, it is hard if you hate confrontation so you obviously handled it well

seeker · 08/05/2012 22:00

"DB looked afer my DC the other day and he took them out for lunch and they both convinced him they were allowed salt and vinegar"

Oh, god. Something else for me to get wrong. What on earth does salt and vinegar do to children?

spammertime · 08/05/2012 22:07

OMG not salt AND vinegar? Thank god he left out the tomato ketchup.

Nanny0gg · 08/05/2012 22:13

Salt I understand, but what's wrong with vinegar?
(Or was it Non-brewed condiment rather than Malt?)

seeker · 08/05/2012 22:16

I'm assuming it's chips. Surely everyone has salt on chips?

Does the vinegar react with the salt in their stomachs to produce methane or something? (vague memories of o-level chemistry)

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 08/05/2012 22:22

I was discouraged by my grandmother from having HP sauce because it's a bit common. Could that be it?

pigletpower · 08/05/2012 22:23

Bum to shoulder-that's a lotta hair! you could get a good price for that!

imnotmymum · 08/05/2012 22:46

OMG am imagining my kids smiling sweetly at xxx and saying of course we have xxx you see banning stuff not good it gets us in the end !!!! [will deliberate dd1 request to go the "big city" with a friend]

flyingspaghettimonster · 08/05/2012 23:24

My son has a friend whose italian mother keeps doing this. She does a good job so I got over the shock. Now though she insists I bring all the kids, anf has started badgering me to let her dye and cut mine! She started trying to get me to let her do it the day after a very expensive haircut and dye. She isn't a professional and has no training, and seems to take it personally that I don't want her to do my hair. So yanbu.

NenNen · 08/05/2012 23:25

Wow OP, I'm angry for you! I would be fuming!!!!

Turniphead1 · 08/05/2012 23:49

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

iscream · 09/05/2012 03:27

She did what ?! I'd talk to her before I calmed down...and that would be quite a long time. I would be furious, and yes, I would call a lawyer to see if we had grounds to sue her. How dare she cut your daughters hair without your permission!

iscream · 09/05/2012 03:53

I just read it is considered assault in the UK to do this.

SparkleSoiree · 09/05/2012 04:04

I think the lawyer thing is really OTT and quite hysterical.

The point here is that the daughter said her mum agreed it therefore the other mum isn't some random nut who started hacking away at your daughter's hair.

Parents have different views on how old a child should be before they are allowed to start learning to make particular choices in life. The other mum (right or wrongly in some eyes) took the view she would give your DD what she wanted and you feel your toes have been stood upon in the process. This would appear that your gripe isn't what is best for your daughter, moreso about your lack of control. If your DD is happy with her hair why not flow with that feeling instead of focusing on the negative? Yes she fibbed but you need to ask her why she felt the need to fib to do something that would clearly make her happy about her physical self and increasing her self-esteem. Did she know you would refuse it?

I really don't get the attachment for parents to their daughter's long hair. I had long hair as a child and hated it because of the brushing. I didn't want to spend all that time brushing, especially when there were other girls who had lovely short hair. Kids used to always pull it at school too because it was just 'there' and it always took so long to dry. My mum always wanted me to look 'girlie' yet I just wanted to be me, even at 7 years old. There is no purpose to having long hair for a child.

I think YABU.

iscream · 09/05/2012 04:07

You are not going to do anything about it? That's it?
Can't believe this is real...and I hate it when I see other people say that about someones post.

Hope she doesn't decide to pierce your kids face or tattoo her next time she visits.

Kayano · 09/05/2012 04:09

Assault it ridiculous.

People are so weird about hair. I begged for my haircut when I was 7

The dd lied to the other mother. Other mother should obviously checked but it's just hair! It grows! Teach your dd not to lie while you are frothing

If it ha never been cut the ends would have been limp and awful anyway

Kayano · 09/05/2012 04:12

Ffs pierced ears, face and tattoos are
Totally different to a piece of limp hair that doesn't burn when you cut it

get a bloody grip

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