Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Would you be offended by a father accompanying his small daughters into the ladies toilet?

999 replies

NickECave · 07/05/2012 11:20

I have two dds aged 4 and 2. My dh often takes them out and about in town on his own and inevitably needs to take them into public toilets. The thing is that male public toilets are often extremely dirty and unsanitary and I'd much rather he took them into the ladies. My question is would you be offended by a man coming into the ladies toilet when he is obviously accompanying a small girl? I don't personally know anyone who would have a problem with this but would be interesting to see if lots of people disagree with me.

OP posts:
saintlyjimjams · 08/05/2012 13:22

I don't think it should be a case of some men under certain circumstances should be using them.

So what would you do in my situation when the disabled toilet is full?

(Waiting for the disabled toilet is not usually possible, whether it's ds1 needing the toilet or me - if it's him he won't wait, he'll kick off, if it's me, then he's not going to wait because he doesn't really understand that I need it).

It's interesting to see so many people say they wouldn't have a problem in seeing me with ds1 in the Ladies, because in RL people do suck lemons about it (I ignore them, people suck lemons about everything).

shewhowines · 08/05/2012 13:22

I think we all agree that more family friendly loos are needed and that would solve the problem.

I'm not saying any viewpoint should take precedent over another but I still stand by saying I think I can see all viewpoints.

bejeezus · 08/05/2012 13:23

what seeker sez is so true

shew (im only picking on you because you are here Grin) can you see you have spent quite some time challenging, why a woman should feel uncomfortable with a man in the ladies

But in 1 post, have stated that a man is entitled to feel uncomfortable with small dds in their toilets

?

pickles35 · 08/05/2012 13:25

I cant stand a person who sucks a lemon saintly. What do you say to them?

YonWhaleFish · 08/05/2012 13:25

Why don't they just have "family loos" in addition to mens, ladies and disabled so they can be used and you know that you run the risk of meeting men and women in there?

And I can peacefully use the ladies without men in there? Grin

shewhowines · 08/05/2012 13:27

All i have said Bejee is that everybodys feelings are equally valid - not that I think they are necessarily right.

And I have been playing devils advocate because I'm in the mood for arguing Grin

bejeezus · 08/05/2012 13:28

shew we have a number of 'family rooms' spread across our city centre, with toilet and baby change facilities and enough room for pushchair and you could probably fit 10 people in there, and an arm chair for feeding. they are really good

Im suprised that there ever is a need for a man to take dds to ladies toilets

saintlyjimjams · 08/05/2012 13:28

Nothing pickles35. I used to try and explain, but it never got me anywhere (the best I could hope for was something like 'well he shouldn't be in here') so I don't bother now. People either get it or they don't. If they don't I pay not attention tbh (blood pressure has been much lower since adopting that strategy).

shewhowines · 08/05/2012 13:29

I never ever said

"But in 1 post, have stated that a man is entitled to feel uncomfortable with small dds in their toilets"

though

shewhowines · 08/05/2012 13:31

Saintly - I wouldn't suck lemons at you and I think people should be more understanding.

Hope everything improves for you and society becomes more tolerant.

pickles35 · 08/05/2012 13:31

I think what she is saying bejeezus is some people think its silly to feel uncomfortable with a man in the ladies, and some people find it uncomfortable to send a DD into the mens. Some men would be uncomfortable with a girl in the mens. And Vice Versa.

Arent all their viewpoints to be equally respected (even if you dont agree with them)

BUT of course, as much as women have to allow small boys (and larger boys when needed to be accompanied by the mother as in the case of saintly) then men by the same token have to accept small girls.

I think?

So I think basically - if either a woman or a man has a problem with a child or disabled young person in either toilet then that's something that really, cannot be helped.

pickles35 · 08/05/2012 13:31

Must be tempting to just flick em the finger.

shewhowines · 08/05/2012 13:33

Bejee - thats what we need all over the country.

FWIW - i've never seen men in the loos or women with the door propped open Grin

saintlyjimjams · 08/05/2012 13:34

Oh it's always tempting Grin

shewhowines · 08/05/2012 13:36

Exactly pickles -

"if either a woman or a man has a problem with a child or disabled young person in either toilet then that's something that really, cannot be helped."

And live and let live. We all have to do things we are not comfortable with sometimes.

crunchbag · 08/05/2012 13:43

Unless there is no baby change in the gents , I can't see why it is necessary for the OP's dh to use the ladies.

Often the gents are preferable as the queues for the ladies can be enormous.

I wonder if this had even been an issue if the OP had boys instead of girls.

pickles35 · 08/05/2012 13:43

"Piss in Peace"
"Urinate in Unity"
"Crap Co-operatively"

MrsHeffley · 08/05/2012 13:49

Crunch not all mens have cubicles and often they have fewer sooooo the op's dc kind of lack the correct equipment for urinals. Sadly my dp has tried to hold my dd over a urinal and he along with his shoes reliably informs me it doesn't work.Grin

bejeezus · 08/05/2012 13:49

your post at 13:13:11 shew

I wasnt quoting you

just saying-you have repeatedly questioned a womans validity in feeling uncomfortable

but your 1 post about men in mens toilets- says that they are entitled to their feelings as irrational as they might be

It illustrates seekers point, that we are conditioned to accomodate the needs/opinions/feelings of men in society above those of women, STILL. IMO

Also-I think given that the men and the women may be being irrational, but it is more likely that women have profound and serious basis for their discomfort-the womens feelings should take precedence in the case of 'female child in mans toilet vs adult man in womens toilet'

YonWhaleFish · 08/05/2012 13:51

not all mens have cubicles

I don't think this can be true, or do men shit in urinals now?!

bejeezus · 08/05/2012 13:51

Arent all their viewpoints to be equally respected, even if you dont agree with them

no

bejeezus · 08/05/2012 13:53

Arent all their viewpoints to be equally respected (even if you dont agree with them

and also-what does this look like in reality? In reality this will become the men bringing the dds into the ladies toilets and small girls not being allowed in mens toilets

bejeezus · 08/05/2012 13:54

AND...the levels of discomfort will be in order of magnitudes different

pickles35 · 08/05/2012 13:54

Bejeezus sorry I dont really agree with that, its more likely perhaps that a woman has such a basis but women are not exempt from being abusers attackers etc. so its not beyond the realms of possibility that a man has a deep rooted reason to object.

Sorry if Im splitting hairs but the consensus of opinion in any case is that is not generally ok for either adult sex to use the opposite sex loo for the reason given in the OP, so I am being fair to both sexes when I say that.

bejeezus · 08/05/2012 13:57

pickles there has been no suggestion at all by anyone that adult females be allowed in the mens toilets

IT is female child in mens toilet vs adult man in ladies toilet